New job - famous (ish) husband - want to work anonymously - name change question

[WantToWorkAnonymously]

So my husband is well known locally (politics), I want to apply for a new job (in the state sector) but don’t want everyone asking about him/moaning about him to me/thinking about me in a certain way because of links to him.

I want to revert to my maiden name before I apply, can I do this? Can I just give them my maiden name but my bank account has my married name will that matter?
And my NI, forms of ID (passport, driving licence) are in my married name, assume this may cause a problem?

I don’t want to abandon my married name totally, just for work purposes to remain as anonymous as I can for as long as I can - won’t lie if someone asks me directly!

Just want to be just me to start with.

@Ellmau thank you!

I will be honest next week, I can’t be any other way. There isn’t a direct conflict of interest but you’re right there is an element that is better declared up front to the HR people.

At least I got through the interview without any potential bias. I’ll just have to prove myself if I can’t be ‘known as’ maiden name.

congratulations on getting the job.

🤣🤣🤣

Apply in your maiden name & tell them if you get the job op. Its fine.

Oh you got it well done op! 🥳

You might like to have a look at this thread for future reference:

to buy a new husband? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4674615-where-to-buy-a-new-husband

This is why women should keep their birth name.

I changed jobs in the midst of a name change, going back to maiden name after divorce. I was always known by my preferred name despite my legal name.

Can't you have all the checks done in your married name but make it clear that you want to be known by your maiden name when you start?

To be honest, if your DH is the local MP I do think it's a little bit odd to be so secretive about it ... it's bound to come out and surely you don't want to look as though you are deliberately hiding it? That might encourage more questioning? Maybe not so much of an issue he is not local . Our local MP is married to quite a 'high profile' woman (she is not in politics) but it's really only a 'five second comment' ...'oh yes, X is married to Y' sort of thing.

There's no point in doing this. Our now deceased MP (teddy Taylor) had his detractors, but his wife (Sheila) worked in the NHS locally and was well regarded. She became a person in her own right. Everyone will know you are his wife anyhow, even if you use a different name.

Hello mrs Raab!

What, in case we marry an MP who becomes moderately well-known then want to apply for a public sector job without the association being widely known by our new colleagues? That’s a fairly specific set of circumstances 😂

Congrats on the new job op 👍

There's probably a lot of people with your surname, if I met a Mrs Blair or a Mr Truss I wouldn't think anything of it. Unless you wear a badge with his name on it I think you'll probably be ok! You can request to be called anything once you get the job, but you're probably hyper aware of your husbands status because you're married to him. I'd be prepared to bet I've never heard of him (seeing as the first male polotician to come to mind was Tony Blair 🤣).

I wouldn't go to too much effort to change your name officially if its just for a job, you could be creating a lot of work for yourself where it doesn't need to be done. Although, if your husband is a very unpopular MP with a wild surname then I can understand why you would want to distance yourself from that at work!

Just read the update- congrats :) hope all goes well for you in the new job!

Congratulations. If it’s any consolation, a friend of mine used to work with the wife of a very unpopular Cabinet minister. And it was a “thing” for about 5 minutes, followed by lots of surprised comments of “oh, but she’s really very nice”. And then it was forgotten about. So hopefully that will be the same for you.

You could definitely ask to go by a different name on the day to day and maybe on your email etc., however unless you change your name legally then your boss and HR would have to be in on it!

😆

I just use my maiden name at work. All my qualifications are in this name. I don’t think it has ever been raised as an issue tbh. Tho’ I don’t need a DBS for my work. Day to day outside of work I would only ever use my married name.

I remember studying Rosch’s work on prototypes at university and how her publications changed to her married name and then back again upon divorce. Resolved aged 19 - four years before meeting DH- that I would always work in my maiden name.

If you have worked under your married name until now you should apply under your married name and ask to work under your maiden name once you are offered the job. Tell HR at the point where you sign a contract, rather than waiting until your first day when everything will have been set up in your married name. If you are applying for a high profile public facing job they may want to have a conversation with you about maintaining political neutrality in your role. I work in the public sector with someone who is married to an MP and I think it's very wise to have a separation!

😂

Op just go through the normal checks then request to HR that at work you really want to be referred to by your maiden name and explain why and I'm sure they'll accommodate.

I don't think you even need to explain why. It's pretty standard for women to work under their maiden name for career reasons, nothing to do with what their married name may mean to people or who their husband is. Documents for HR purposes are legal and in married name but only need to be seen by one or two people. Email profile, signature, desk sign, name badge, pass etc all in maiden name and hardly anyone need know your married name. I would expect most employers to be able to manage this.

I work under my maiden name but all paperwork etc was in married name. It wasn't even questioned

I work in local county council HR. We have an option on our system for staff to be "known as". We would record their legal name but use their known as name for everything else. Hopefully they have a similar system. Definitely make sure your email address is in your maiden name!

Mrs Skidmore?

Thought I’d come back and update.

I started this week and it’s been fine, so far.

I heard that there was some general (probably just curious) chat about me before I started through a friend of a friend. And I also heard that there was definitely some negative slagging off about my husband and myself.

Yesterday a manager (that I hadn’t met before) called me aside to say he’d heard there were derogatory comments being made about me, and to make sure I spoke up if anyone said anything to me. They would come down on it hard, totally unacceptable, etc. felt a bit awkward about it all and said I just didn’t want to be prejudged. He said it wouldn’t be tolerated.

So I wait to see if anyone actually says anything to me. The individuals I’ve worked alongside so far haven’t said a word, I know some have been asking my fellow trainees about me, who’ve just said, she’s nice, speak to her and have a conversation.

Anyway, I’ve really enjoyed my first few days so let’s hope it stays that way 🤞