How does Charles remain so calm and composed amidst his own grief?

[asblindasabat]

His speech yesterday was excellent.

I know he kinda has to, but how does he just keep going? I don’t know how he didn’t cry doing that speech yesterday.

If it was my parent I don’t think I could do any of it. I think I’d just be a mess.

When someone is very old and has been ill, it's still sad when they die, as it always it to lose a parent, but it can also feel like a relief, so you can hold it together more than when a death was sudden or a great shock. Also when they've had a long and good life you kind of feel you want to celebrate that and talk about them in a happy way perhaps more than feel sad and grieve.

That said, I couldn't have given the eulogy for my dad. I managed a reading. But I think when someone has a public persona, perhaps you can disengage emotion slightly when speaking about them and think about what that persona meant to others rather than what they meant to you as a close family member. Plus the King has had a lot of years to think about this.

A Lifetime of training, adrenaline, also the royals are pretty open about death and the following protocols. they all have to discuss it and be aware of whats going to happen in the event of their death, its less of a taboo I expect.
It was obvious she was declining and the family will have been aware, when you have warning the end is coming you do a lot of grieving before the actual death.

When mil died I kept it together for dh, sil and the kids. Last week I thought about throwing out a cracked pasta bowl finally, remembered that we had bought an extra couple so that when mil and sil stayed we had enough, and promptly bawled my eyes out. The plate is still in the cupboard, throwing it away I think might break me.

I think he's doing a good job of keeping it together in public.

I think he is numb tbh. That’s how I was when my parents died. In addition, there is a photo of him in a car and he’s all red and watery eyed and distraught looking- looked to me like he’d been crying despite trying not to cry.

My mum literally never cries in public and I've only seen her cry privately maybe 3 times. Doesn't mean she doesn't feel things. Still waters run deep and all that

The only time I have ever seen my mum cry was when her dog died. But she certainly feels things, and worships the ground we walk on. She just doesn't go around emoting about it (and neither do I). She was the same at her mother's funeral, and the two of them were extremely close (saw one another every day). However, like the Queen, my Granny lived to be 96 so I think you have some time to prepare for the person's death before it happens if they are that old.

I really think that’s a really hurtful thing to say. I’ve been on the receiving end of the attitude that I couldn’t have been close to my parents because I didn’t sob throughout their funerals. They couldn’t be more wrong it’s just that my grief was very private and not for public gratification.

The 21st anniversary of my Mother’s death was on Thursday and the Queen’s death has bought all the emotion to the fore and I’ve spent most of the last two days in tears. It can hit you at odd times and being busy can keep you together in the aftermath.

Lots of people say the very well meaning phrase “I don’t know how you cope, I couldn’t”

the truth is you look at the list of available options and “not coping” just isn’t on the list

I didn’t cry at my DH’s funeral. I was too busy comforting other people, giving the eulogy, looking after my 5 and 7 year old. A grieved at other times and in other ways. And I still do.

That’s so sad 😞

I remember seeing a clip of that and it was such a formal way to greet your own child! I'm pretty sure it was contrasted to Diana running to hug the boys after they or she had been away.

Having said this I found some letters my late dad wrote years ago (he would now be mid 80s) and he said that he was always encouraged as a child not to show emotion....and he didn't really!

My mum died on a Thursday. I ran a board meeting on the Monday. My MD encouraged me to take more time. But the funeral was going to take 4 weeks.

i felt so out of control, working actually helped.

I cried myself to sleep that night. But working actually gave me a break and time to focus on something else.

Although, my work let me come and go as I please for as long as I needed. If I felt I couldn’t work I didn’t and when I could I did. Mums cremation was on 30th December and I went back to work on the 2nd.

The last 9 months have been shit and I cry alot. But not during work. It’s nice to have some normality. Even though I am pretending life is normal. I can pull myself together for work, then fall apart later.

Maybe he is the same.

In part he will be holding it together, but it wasn't a shock. He mum was old and he will have been expecting it. Also he, like many boarding school children, have been shown to be quite good at being emotionally cut off. My dad went to boarding school at 6 and I never seen him cry or understand it when others are emotional. There's some sort of syndrome that Charles probably has.Also he was raised by Nannies and brought down for an hour in the evening they won't have been that close.

@hotdiggetydog crass. Twat

Haahah lighten up

This is so very true - and not just about death.

Because he has to, in the moments we see him.

Because he's been taught that way since birth

Stiff upper lip and all that

I imagine knowing he is carrying out his mother's wishes allows him to get through all the formalities. I hope the period of royal mourning after the funeral is going to be some down time for the family to grieve privately.

I agree. Probably will take a few days or even weeks to properly take it all in. He will likely be on autopilot just now.

@Recycledblonde while I'm truly sorry for your loss, I'm also baffled as to how you've applied a comment about the (unknowable) personal relationship between two royals to your own relationship?

The truth is we have no idea what their dynamic is and what the real feelings are (nor should we of course, it's private).

As pps have said, the bloke raised 70 years ago by nannies and living in the lap of luxury his entire existence possibly doesn't have the same dynamic with his mum that you did with yours.

His experience of grief is going to be very different to that of someone whose mother raised them - fed them, bathed them, put them to bed, took them to school, got up to them at night, cuddled them when they had nightmares. Cuddled them at all.

Nonsense - she was still his mother, and you have no idea what went on out of the public eye. Incidentally, my mother did all those things you mention and I dealt very calmly with her death, even though we were extremely close. When parents reach old age we (well, those of us with a bit of common sense) know that they are going to leave us and are a bit more prepared than someone who loses a parent too young.

I think he’s doing it because it’s part of what he needs to do for her. She’d be doing and did do the exact thing he’s doing. Carrying on snd getting the job done. I’m sure he’ll be shedding his own tears when the doors close

"the job"

How do you apply?

I don't understand greiving for people in there twilight years

you don’t always grieve for them as such, you grieve for you and your loss.

my dad died when I was 12. When I had my kids 8 experienced a whole new fresh wave of grief over my kids loss of a grandfather.

Exactly. Loads of us have no choice but to get back to work. I was allowed one day off school when my mum died

I think I was sent back the next day. It was deemed best to get us back to a normal routine. The most awful part of my loss is I was relatively fine, stayed strong etc for the first few months. By the time I started to fall apart it felt like everyone else had moved on and I didn’t want to make a fuss and remind everyone else of their loss…