Is wearing black really necessary after a death in 2022?

[TidesOfLife]

I loved the Queen and I'm deeply saddened by her passing. She was an incredible lady. I understand there will be certain formalities and traditions following her death but one thing I just don't get is why so many people in the general public were wearing black yesterday. And maybe this will continue in the next few days/weeks.

I work in a big school and I was really surprised yesterday to see that most staff were wearing black. It's a primary school too. I guess I wasn't surprised to see the media on tv wearing black but not other people.

It's seems like a very Victorian tradition that's still being upheld for some reason and my personal feeling is that it's not relevant in 2022. You can still show the upmost respect and wear a different colour. The Queens passing is extremely sad and sge will be greatly missed but as she got to the wonderful age of 96, surely it's also a time to celebrate the long life she had? Wearing sombre black and celebrating someone's life doesn't seem to go together.

My own grandfather hated people wearing black and always said it was depressing. Therefore, we requested that those attending his funeral, wore bright colours or at least, not black. I was surprised to see that some his friends that day chose to ignore my grandads/our wishes and wore black. It seems ingrained into people.

I just wonder if we'll ever move forward from this old fashioned idea that black represents respect after a death?

I had a similar opinion until I lost my Mum, I was heartbroken. When finding an outfit to wear to her funeral which to be honest I didn't care what it was, i was numb, I felt nothing other that deep sadness and black reflected that.

People can wear what they like, but among my colleagues who wore black yesterday (not many), I'd say there was a level of attention seeking...

It's a sign of respect, and it's entirely personal
and optional.

My own grandfather hated people wearing black and always said it was depressing. Therefore, we requested that those attending his funeral, wore bright colours or at least, not black. I was surprised to see that some his friends that day chose to ignore my grandads/our wishes and wore black. It seems ingrained into people.

I wonder in this case if people of a certain age, have a "funeral outfit" (my PIL seemed to go to a funeral every week). Men in particular are unlikely to have a brightly coloured suit, but may well have one that they always wear for funerals. And most people want to look smart/formal at a funeral, maybe their bright clothes were more casual?

It feels respectful to some. I just wore my uniform so irrelevant to me.. people respond differently and thats ok.

It's not an old-fashioned idea
People wear black after a loss because for them, it reflects the sorrow and tragedy they are feeling.
I wore black yesterday and will wear it again because the Queen's death affected me deeply on a very personal level. There is nothing attention seeking about it and it is actually a very insensitive comment on your part.

Hairdressers are amongst those who seem to habitually wear black. Maybe your colleagues felt it was respectful or maybe it was purely coincidental? Why would say it was attention seeking?

It is ingrained, I pulled out a pair of red trousers yesterday then put them back thinking no not today and swapped to black.
My work top is black anyway in case you were wondering.

For the death of a monarch people will resort to protocol. For public figures they have no choice as the Daily Heil is always waiting to pounce!

My granny is 99. She is a strong believer in black for funerals. When she dies, I will wear black. When my friend died in her early 40s, we all wore lots of colour as that reflected her and her wishes.

From a practical point of view I can understand wearing black and having a funeral outfit, especially if you are older and attending more and more funerals. It takes the thinking out of what is a terrible and stressful time perhaps.

I didn't wear black after my dad's death so certainly not going to do it for the Queen.

At my workplace no-one had gone for black, it was business as normal.

I've been caught out several times with the request to wear bright colours. People seldom do and then you end up being the only colourful person in a sea of black. Now I dress in black/navy and take a bright scarf.

Yesterday I chose one of my more muted work outfits, so I did think about what was appropriate, but didn't go for a "funeral" outfit.

And the reason I say it was attention seeking among my colleagues is because they wanted to talk about how special they were for being more respectful than everyone else.

Is black a Catholic thing? It was the Catholics judging everyone else at work.

It’s a tradition that conveys respect and acknowledgement to the deceased, communicating a sense of loss. In our oh-so enlightened modern age these things do still matter to most people - or should we just do away with everything deemed “old-fashioned” and irrelevant? What would we have left?

It’s not mandatory and yes of course you can wear whatever you want and still mourn a loss.

I think these traditions are important for recognising the sadness that we or others feel when someone dies, in order to grieve in a full way and then, in time, move on.

I'm not old but when I die, I want a funeral of sadness and muted colours to mark my passing and then allow the people who love me to move through this.

If you look around you, you'll see people wearing black all the time.

There are plenty of threads on MN where people post that it's OK even for the most joyous of occasions such as a wedding.

So I wouldn't necessarily assume that black has actively been chosen for its symbolism - for not everyone shares that

But you are also right that plenty of people do - it can be a mark of respect rather than grief or sadness, especially for national formal mourning.

I think it's a shame that the association has weakened.

It's a British tradition. Its smart and respectful. I quite like it.

I used to work opposite the local crematorium. I always used to feel so sad and miserable watching all of the people walking out all dressed somber in black. I agree that I don't want people to be sad I'm gone, I want people to be happy and celebrate that I lived.

I lost a family member recently and they asked for no black to be worn. Their funeral was sad but very much a celebration. Then I had to go to a friend's funeral and hated it. The whole service (church) was very somber, everyone was dressed in black and all I could think was that it didn't reflect the life my friend lived in anyway whatsoever.

I work in the church, so wearing black/grey to work yesterday seemed the most appropriate thing to do. I will also be wearing black/grey on Sunday (though people won’t see it under my cassock!)

For a church worker, it seems important as not only the queen but the head of the church has died, and we are the sort of places people go for comfort. That said, outside work and service hours I’m not going to be wearing mourning, though I won’t be choosing my brightest dresses/tops until the mourning period is over, just out of respect.

I met a friend yesterday in a social setting who was wearing black. I wore a bright lime green top in the for the same reason. In memory and acknowledgement.

I think the queen was very traditional and black is appropriate for her mourning

I wore black to work yesterday as did the majority of my colleagues. No one mentioned it but imo it's better to be conservative about these things. I have a public facing role and do not wish to offend anyone when a simple thing shows silent respect.

It's not an old-fashioned tradition we need to move ion from, it's a sign of respect as well as being practical when you're grieving.

The three funerals that I've been to this year have all been traditional black. Even the 40 year old's.

The monarch, especially given the Queen's age and background is the most formal expression of mourning. Maybe that might shift a little in the future. I wouldn't go for black as general wear, but it is a gesture of respect for people undertaking more official roles.

I find it respectful. It's a traditional thing to do

I work in a church school so all staff in black yesterday.