Is wearing black really necessary after a death in 2022?

[TidesOfLife]

I loved the Queen and I'm deeply saddened by her passing. She was an incredible lady. I understand there will be certain formalities and traditions following her death but one thing I just don't get is why so many people in the general public were wearing black yesterday. And maybe this will continue in the next few days/weeks.

I work in a big school and I was really surprised yesterday to see that most staff were wearing black. It's a primary school too. I guess I wasn't surprised to see the media on tv wearing black but not other people.

It's seems like a very Victorian tradition that's still being upheld for some reason and my personal feeling is that it's not relevant in 2022. You can still show the upmost respect and wear a different colour. The Queens passing is extremely sad and sge will be greatly missed but as she got to the wonderful age of 96, surely it's also a time to celebrate the long life she had? Wearing sombre black and celebrating someone's life doesn't seem to go together.

My own grandfather hated people wearing black and always said it was depressing. Therefore, we requested that those attending his funeral, wore bright colours or at least, not black. I was surprised to see that some his friends that day chose to ignore my grandads/our wishes and wore black. It seems ingrained into people.

I just wonder if we'll ever move forward from this old fashioned idea that black represents respect after a death?

As we've become a increasingly and in practice a almost totally secular society, wearing black remains something we can all take part in to signify mourning and sadness at someone's passing. It's also helpful on a practical level as it makes it very easy to pick an outfit for funerals, etc.

As a society - probably even more than in previous generations - we wear symbols to express ourselves: various coloured ribbons, charity badges, pride symbols; and clothing and hairstyles which express gender identity or conformity to a particular social group, nationality or political worldview. We wear Christmas jumpers to celebrate Christmas (I can't remember that being a trend 40 years ago!) Ultimately, we do this to share with others about what's going on inside our heads. The point of the symbols is that they are recognised (wearing a leek symbol would be seen as Welsh, not vegetarian or a keen gardener). It seems odd to drop this symbol just because it's not a new one?

I'm not wearing black, I'm saddened by the queen's death but can't relate to "mourning" someone I didn't know. That will be different from others. If I were around people who were suffering a loss - say someone at work but who I didn't know well - I'd wear black, likewise if I went to the lying in state or was in the crowds outside the palace.

Our family never do black at our funerals. As long as it's smart it's fine.
I've had to buy a whole black outfit from primark for other people's funerals.

I work in a school, everyone was dressed in dark/muted colours, lots in with some black, the men all had plain dark ties. No one discussed or mentioned it, I think just felt the natural thing to do. I wore a black jacket - I quite often do, but yesterday it seemed right.

I had an estate agent round to value yesterday and he was dressed for a funeral. I suppose some clients will care so why not?

As an aside, when we were kids - even up to early adulthood 20 years ago - absolutely everyone on our street would keep the front curtains closed on the day of a street funeral, even if we didn't know the person, and they'd only be opened when the funeral party had left. Not sure if this was a local tradition or if others remember that? Wonder if that would be a "national" way of marking the Queen's funeral, a bit like clap for carers?

Wearing black is traditional. The Queen was traditional and her family have been wearing black.

Nothing wrong with bereaved families asking mourners to wear something else (as yours did).

This family have not, and so people who wish to show their respect through their dress are following a traditional mourning dress.

Not every decision has to involve ine side being reasonable and the other side being unreasonable.

I unintentionally dressed all in black yesterday, It wasnt until my mum pointed it out that i really noticed. It had just matched my mood when getting dressed. Today im wearing black Jeans and a dark grey top, im just not feeling colourful.

I hate funerals that say wear bright colours it makes me deeply uncomfortable i tend to wear black and take a colourful bag and scarf.

Primary here too. Most people wore either black or muted colours.

It is a time of national mourning and for most people this is the one small quiet thing they actually can do as a mark of respect.

I'm not a royalist but you can't have some of the pomp of royalty and not the less attractive bits. Even the Queen understood that!

It seems to still be a thing in the UK, but I can assure you that in some parts of the world people don't wear black at funerals. Well some do of course, but it's not really a big tradition and hasn't been for years. Funerals here are usually seen as a celebration of a life.

There is nothing attention seeking about it and it is actually a very insensitive comment on your part.

I agree with this. I don't agree that it is attention seeking at all @MadeWithCare

I disagree with the notion that a funeral needs to be joyful and that people wearing black and being sombre is a bad thing. People mourn in different ways and being miserable when someone has died is a perfectly normal, human reaction. Some people don’t feel like celebrating someone’s life at that time and they shouldn’t have to.

I don't buy into this "celebration of life" when it's pushed to the extent of almost glossing over the sadness of what has really happened. People die, we have lost them forever, and it is really sad.

You can't just gloss over the reality of the sadness by pushing everyone to wear bright colours. If you ignore your grief it will only come back to haunt you later on.

We used to do that. East Midlands mining town. And everyone would come out onto the street as the hearse went off and then open the curtains again.

@Magnanimouse it was the same with us, curtains closed on the street.

I can also remember an gentleman from the village dying and no women were allowed to attend the graveside bit of the funeral.
Even now with us it’s black/dark colours for funerals and when there’s a “wear bright colours” request people generally will wear a dark suit with a splash of colour.

Both my grandmothers wore black for quite some time after my grandfather’s deaths.
I wore black in the week leading up to my FIL funeral on the days I needed to be in work.

Having said that I wear black a lot anyway, so don’t really see it as a big issue.

Lots of people choose to wear black to show respect in a traditional sense, just like many women choose to wear a white wedding dress and not a black one.

However, if you don’t want to wear black then that’s fine.

I don’t think wearing black is attention seeking.

I didn’t wear black to work but my uniform is quite formal anyway.

I do think it’s respectful to see news readers and King Charles etc wearing black. It looks really smart and something the Queen who is traditional would appreciate.

I think having traditions over mourning (for anyone's death) is helpful.
People 'know' what to wear so takes stress out of the funeral. (Though less so since the 'wear bright clothes' started).
It allows people to openly grieve and show their loss which is can get lost under 'celebration of life' funerals.
In the old days set conventions on periods of mourning meant that no one was busy telling a widow to go out and socialise a week later, but conversely encouraged getting back into society at an appropriate time.
Having some train tracks to follow at a time of grief takes decisions away easing the burden.

It is small marks of respect that are worth keeping, even if you don't know someone. Like stopping in the street when a hearse drives past, removing your hat / touching your coat lapel. Not overtaking a funeral group on the road / making sure all cars get to follow in line and not getting into the middle of them.

In Thailand the whole country wore black for a year after their king died.

@gospelsinger
… and in Thailand people are also thrown in prison, often for many years, for openly dissing the monarch. Pretty weird example there unless you’re encouraging that kind of fielty.

I wore black yesterday, an outfit I choose often for its comfort and convenience. I realised as I was reaching for a cardigan that I was in a black tunic and leggings so the black cardigan in my hands wasn't a good idea, hung it up and pulled out a bright pink one.

Many people wouldn't have given it much thought.

I'm not saying it has to be attention seeking, but it was among the colleagues who did it yesterday. They were excited to be the best mourners. They weren't sad, they were enjoying it. It was goulish.

I don't buy into this "celebration of life" when it's pushed to the extent of almost glossing over the sadness of what has really happened. People die, we have lost them forever, and it is really sad.

Where did I say anyone was glossing over the sadness of what has happened? However, death is inevitable for us all - something which many can't seem to understand these days - and I would rather gives thanks for a life and be happy that the person lived, especially when they are elderly, than all this draping oneself in black and seeing nothing but doom and gloom.

Every culture has its rituals and customs surrounding death and different colours are part of that. There is good evidence to show that they help in dealing with grief. They provide a framework to follow at a time when things can seem overwhelming. I have experienced a lot of family bereavement in the past year and have found rituals and traditions enormously calming.
I find different cultures rituals for dealing with death fascinating and I believe that we risk making grief even more difficult to deal with if we discard all of our traditions.

My mum has given strict instructions that everyone is to wear black and be solemn when she dies, no bright colours or "celebrating her life". Not quite sure how we'll phrase that to the people attending the funeral- "please wear bright colours" seems fine, "please wear nothing but black" seems a bit tricky