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Original poster

Year 7 DD invited to new friend's house after school would you be ok with this?

74 replies

Goldenbear · 06/09/2022 17:28

My year 7 DD has made some new friends who sound friendly and kind, one of the girls has invited her and another girl to her home tomorrow after school would you be ok with this? My concerns are that she doesn't have her mobile phone number so I'm unsure if her parents are ok with this, I don't know anything about the parents and it is quite a bit further from the school than our house so I'm worried about that new experience. I have a year 11 son and as he goes to the park with friends and that is the direction of DD's friend's house, I was thinking of asking him to vaguely see where she goes, he said that is 'weird behaviour'. He said he'd collect her but not stalk her! Alternatively, I could probably get back from work to drop them all at the house- is this overkill?

OP posts:
littlefireseverywhere · 06/09/2022 17:34

She’ll be fine, as long as she has her phone and you know when to collect her etc.

Discovereads · 06/09/2022 17:35

I’d just get the address and say be ready to be picked up at 6pm or whatever. If she doesn’t have it now, tell her to text it to you when she gets there. Then you can meet parents on pick up and exchange names and numbers.
Shes secondary age now so it’s normal for DC to arrange their own socialising. The time of parents organising play dates is over.

Flockameanie · 06/09/2022 17:37

No, I wouldn’t let my 7yo go to someone’s house if I’d never met or communicated with the parents and had no means of getting in touch with them or vice versa

Ask DD to ask her friend for her parent’s number to pass on to you (or write a note to the parents for DD to pass on via friend) and arrange it for a later date.

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Kylereese · 06/09/2022 17:37

Bloody hell she’s going to a friends house after school not on an 18-30’s holiday 😂😂

Flockameanie · 06/09/2022 17:37

Ugh sorry misread year 7 as 7yo. Yes, for a yr 7 child I would allow it!

Potato28 · 06/09/2022 17:42

Let her go. Get the address tho.
Secondary school is VERY different to Primary school

Your son is right, following her is weird behaviour

forrestgreen · 06/09/2022 17:44

I presume you can see where she is from her phone?

Beautifulsunflowers · 06/09/2022 17:46

It’s scary when they make new friends and you don’t get to meet them or their parents like you would at primary school but trust your dd - she’s hopefully made some nice new friends and as long as she texts you the address you can arrange to collect her and maybe get to meet the friend then.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 06/09/2022 17:47

It all changes in year 7 and you won’t know the parents or the kids a lot of the time.

Porcupineintherough · 06/09/2022 17:49

I'd want the address before agreeing, and would arrangeto collect her a X o'clock. Other that though, welcome to your brave new world.

Original poster
Goldenbear · 06/09/2022 17:50

It seems I'm being over protective and slightly irrational which is unusual for me but how about if something is wrong from the outset? I don't have location tracker as she has always been collected by me or with me or her brother.

OP posts:
bellinisurge · 06/09/2022 17:50

Totally get your anxiety. Had it myself (dd now y11). But this is normal for y7s. You have your child's mobile phone number. It will be fine.

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 06/09/2022 17:51

In secondary school my dc made and managed friendships and plans themselves.

Singleandproud · 06/09/2022 17:51

I've managed to get in touch with DDs new friends parents through the school Facebook page just so that we have a way of contacting each other should we need to. So far it turns out all her new friends are babies we went to toddler group with but havent seen in the 8 yrs in between.

Original poster
Goldenbear · 06/09/2022 17:54

The girl offered on the first day which made me worry about how aware her parents are about what she is doing but then again it was incredibly lovely of her! Also, DS who is 15 did go to a friend's house in year 7 no parents were in the house and the friends were mean to him and the 17 year old brother had friend's over who were smoking (unsure what).

OP posts:
MargaretThursday · 06/09/2022 17:56

What I did with mine is ask them to.

  1. text me a quick message to say they were at the house.
  2. give them a code word/sentence so if they want to leave they can text me and I would then phone with a reason I had to pick them up early.
Assuming you do know the address not just "it's the house near the corner by the garage" as I had once. Grin
Original poster
Goldenbear · 06/09/2022 17:56

Interesting about the Facebook page, I wonder if that's something the school have.

OP posts:
latetothefisting · 06/09/2022 17:57

Just because you don't have location tracker doesn't mean you can never get it! put it on this evening if you're that worried.
If something is wrong (what, exactly? a fellow 11 year old child inveigles her to a brothel?) she can ring you or your brother. Arrange a code word she can mention in a tel call or send in a message if she wants to be subtle. Or ask her to just get the other kids number/s - if they're going to be friends surely it's normal to have each other's numbers?

Original poster
Goldenbear · 06/09/2022 17:59

Interesting you say that MargaretThursday, DD hasn't even got her number only the number of the other girl going (although she is going to ask tomorrow), no address and when asked we she lives, Dd replied, 'up an alleyway near an Art Gallery'🤔

OP posts:
Original poster
Goldenbear · 06/09/2022 18:01

Yes, a code word is a good idea. Yes, I know that I'm being OTT.

OP posts:
WonderingWanda · 06/09/2022 18:22

I can understand why you are worried as those details are a little sketchy. That said I would probably let hr go for an hour or two after school in that case and then collect her. I wouldn't be comfortable with sleepovers where I'd not at least met the parent and child. When my ds had a sleepover last year I made him get their contact details of the parents so I could introduce myself and make the arrangements.

Smartiepants79 · 06/09/2022 18:29

I’d want a phone number and an address. Find it a little bit weird that everyone’s ok with letting their 11 go to what is basically a complete strangers house without even know where it is to how to contact it!!?? I know it’s different in secondary but she’s know this girl 2 days! She doesn’t even have a number for her?
how is she getting home? I’d have a set pick up time.

PeekAtYou · 06/09/2022 18:41

If your dd isn't normally location tracked, ask her to turn it on just for tomorrow until she's picked up.

When my dd was that age, we developed a code. If she texts me "XX" it meant "Please call or text me about a fake emergency and pick me up no questions asked" She would then delete the XX message and pretend that I was the reason why she had to leave. I was happy take the blame so she could get out of there and not lose face and appear like she was immature.

I would allow my year 7 to do this and in my experience, other parents do too. They list just need an address for pick up later. Your son is right about looking like a weirdo if he follows them. My kids would see an older child following them as a threat and fear beaten up.

RiaOverTheRainbow · 06/09/2022 18:48

How will she get there, will she need a bus fare?

Freedomfighters · 06/09/2022 18:52

Just ask her to get the address and the mums mobile. And keep her location on.

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