Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Year 7 DD invited to new friend's house after school would you be ok with this?

74 replies

Goldenbear · 06/09/2022 17:28

My year 7 DD has made some new friends who sound friendly and kind, one of the girls has invited her and another girl to her home tomorrow after school would you be ok with this? My concerns are that she doesn't have her mobile phone number so I'm unsure if her parents are ok with this, I don't know anything about the parents and it is quite a bit further from the school than our house so I'm worried about that new experience. I have a year 11 son and as he goes to the park with friends and that is the direction of DD's friend's house, I was thinking of asking him to vaguely see where she goes, he said that is 'weird behaviour'. He said he'd collect her but not stalk her! Alternatively, I could probably get back from work to drop them all at the house- is this overkill?

OP posts:

mackthepony · 06/09/2022 20:16

How long has she actually known this child?

Diverseopinions · 06/09/2022 20:30

I've not had this experience as my child isn't neuro-typical, but don't you have to first check with the parents that a visit is ok with them? It's their house, after all? This invitation is just through the kid, isn't it?
You'll need the address to pick her up and, as you say, your daughter can obtain the parents phone number, hopefully, and give it to you in the middle of the day.
Albeit, he turned down your request to do some checking, I think your son sounds like a young person with whom you can speak. Maybe talk with him a little. I wonder if the friend has older siblings in the school whom your son knows........though perhaps he attends a different school.

Original poster

Goldenbear · 06/09/2022 20:32

carefullycourageous, I think that is a very good point as we are both people that go with the flow but I might say to DD that it could be Thursday or Friday and get her to ask her friend for confirmation that her parents are OK with it.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General education Secondary education

Original poster

Goldenbear · 06/09/2022 20:37

Only know the girl 3 days but she is a very kind girl DD said.

Diverseopinions, this is why I'm on a quandary and asking on here. None of my 15 year old son's friends check it me they just turn up- i find this quite stressful sometimes as it always around late afternoon before they go out and I am wfh so I have asked DS to check but then he rings and checks outside the house, that looks bizarre so obviously I tell them to come in. It is usually dinner time and then I feel the need to fee them.

OP posts:

Original poster

Goldenbear · 06/09/2022 20:40

In not on a quandary

OP posts:

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 06/09/2022 21:18

Could you ask your dd to invite her over to yours first so you can check out who she’s hanging out with?

It’s not like they’ve known each other several weeks. I think it’s weird for the girl to have invited your dd over so soon, they are basically strangers.

Original poster

Goldenbear · 06/09/2022 21:34

Yes, I have suggested that to DD but she's keen to go there with the other girl in the friendship group being invited as well. Equally, I am working quite late over the next couple of days and it will be DH wfh, some people on here wouldn't be happy about that scenario and I suppose the other parent could just think in the same way. However, that would open up the communication lines at a basic level.

OP posts:

Oblomov22 · 06/09/2022 21:41

I view this differently. This is seriously fucking great. Your dd had been at school one day and a girl is being nice to her. Wants to be friends. Has invited her round. That kind of extra bit, the going round to her house, cements girls friendships. I'd be thrilled. Both my ds's have never struggled with friends. But my 2 closest friends with dd's have. I'd be encouraging this massively. (Hoping that this girl does turn out to be a nice friend throughout the whole of school, and not some psychotic jealous type who only wants dd to herself).

Original poster

Goldenbear · 06/09/2022 22:01

Yes, tbf there is a group of them so 4 girls, 5 including DD and they sound pretty fun, the girl inviting DD and another girl from the group plays the drums and they all want to join the girls' football group, DD can't stand football, is arty and plays an instrument, she is also joining drama group which they are not interested but what I think is great is that all the mixed interests has not put them off each other and it serves to expand each others' horizons.

OP posts:

BirdWatch · 06/09/2022 22:28

I'd look up the parents online first to get the address and call and check with them. Or as you suggested drive them over to meet the parents.

Saynotothefishtank · 06/09/2022 22:43

I’d pick them all up and give them a lift to the house so I can see if it has uncontrollable dogs / creepy older men etc.

Yes I know that many cool mums on here let their 11 yr olds do whatever. But I think it’s weird to be invited on the first day. Many girls who are groomed are introduced to the abuser by a young girl.

I don’t think it’s OTT to want to know where she is and who she’s with at age 11.

Undertheoldlindentree · 06/09/2022 22:51

I would drop her there too. Main concern would be whether they have large dogs.

milkysmum · 06/09/2022 22:55

Yeah it's a big change when they go to secondary. I'd ask for an address though still in year 7. I don't think I'd feel the need to contact the parents though.
I've got both my DC set up on Life360, pretty much all their mates have it to. Nobody bothers. It's handy for me and them.

Oblomov22 · 06/09/2022 22:59

I don't feel you need to contact the parents. In primary yes. Secondary no.

holidaynightmare · 06/09/2022 23:03

BigSandyBalls2015 · 06/09/2022 17:47

It all changes in year 7 and you won’t know the parents or the kids a lot of the time.

I'd personally want the other girls mum/ dads number and address and at least speak to them but preferably go round and chat to her before she went

They could be on drugs or anything who knows!!!

Oblomov22 · 06/09/2022 23:03

What are the arrangements again? Did I miss that post? She's going for tea? They all walk there together after school? Has dinner and you pick her up at say 8pm? So you will meet said parents when you drive there at the designated time?

Oblomov22 · 06/09/2022 23:06

Realistically most parents aren't on drugs are they. Most parents are perfectly pleasant, will provide a pizza for dinner and there will be no issues?
That is, assuming your dd has an ounce of taste, in her friendship choices?

Oblomov22 · 06/09/2022 23:08

They aren't 3 anymore.
11, already, 12 this academic year?

SoftSheen · 06/09/2022 23:16

I have an 11 year old DD who has just started secondary. I would want to know, at a minimum, an address and the parents' contact details. Or suggest that they meet at the park or other public place. I find it quite surprising that some parents would be happy to give their 11 year old child, only just out of primary school, enough freedom that they don't know where they are or who they are with. There are plenty of nice friendly children who have unpleasant (or troubled) families and a naive 11 year old might end up in a difficult situation that they aren't yet equipped to deal with.

savehannah · 06/09/2022 23:25

Definitely get life360 it's free and takes minutes to set up. But also follow advice above about getting the address for pick up and having a code word for if they want to leave. It takes a bit of getting used to, letting your kid go to people's houses you don't know but it IS normal and a good sign that she's making friends so quickly.

GeorgeEzr4 · 07/09/2022 21:34

Did she go OP?

Tulip2277 · 21/09/2022 21:54

SoftSheen · 06/09/2022 23:16

I've just come across this thread and completely agree SoftSheen...I am surprised at how comfortable the majority of parents are with this! OP you are not being over-protective!!!. I work in safeguarding and as some others have said..sadly, not every child comes from decent homes...and everyone has their own interpretation of "decent"!!!!

What did you do?

Original poster

Goldenbear · 22/09/2022 13:03

Actually, in the end, after all that, the girl hadn't oked it with her Mum and it was only going to be her step dad home so she didn't go as he was busy. It hasn't come up since as she has been busy with old friends at the weekend and new after school clubs nearly every day now. She did go to the park last Friday but my 15 year old son was there playing football nearby and walked her home as I was working.

OP posts:

mrsnjw · 22/09/2022 13:51

So difficult and so different from primary where you know all the children and parents. If she is trust worthy and sensible you will have to let her make her own choices with friends. Totally normal to feel worried though.

Flip

1 2 3