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Original poster

If you knew you were an accident baby and…

56 replies

Yuhk · 30/08/2022 21:35

Does it upset you?

my ex is a little… unhinged shall we say. I’m worried when dc are much older he will say he wasn’t planned. He also asks me for a paternity test after birth which was out of the blue !! Hadn’t mentioned all pregnancy, then we broke up and he asked. Dc 7 now and I’m just worried what he might say when they get to their teens

OP posts:
Iamnotthe1 · 30/08/2022 21:37

Why would it? A huge number of pregnancies are accidential. They may end up being happy accidents but accidents nonetheless. Calling it an accident doesn't mean the child wasn't wanted and isn't loved.

Original poster
Yuhk · 30/08/2022 21:40

@Iamnotthe1 true, just worrying!

I would hate dc to know ex had asked for a paternity test too

OP posts:
UpsideDownDownsideUp · 30/08/2022 21:40

Nope. I was an accident. My dad and brother always joke about it. We all take the piss.
Most kids probably are tbh

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Doormatnomore · 30/08/2022 21:41

Nope. I know I was unplanned and unexpected. Why would that bother me? There is no “before I was born” for me to care about. Point is they (we) were loved and wanted after the accident.

Original poster
Yuhk · 30/08/2022 21:42

Ok thank you!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Yuhk · 30/08/2022 21:42

What about the paternity thing?

OP posts:
AbsolutelyLoveIy · 30/08/2022 21:42

If you think about it….. we are all accidents really

twofojoy · 30/08/2022 21:44

No it doesn't upset me at all, think it's a bit of a silly thing to be upset about. We always say DC1 wasn't planned but wasn't prevented Grin

ShadowPuppets · 30/08/2022 21:45

Ha! We have a running gag in my friendship group that all the 3rd kids were accidents.

Theyll be more screwed up by their dad than the circumstances of their conception imo.

5zeds · 30/08/2022 21:46

They tend not to want to know anything about the conception 🤣🤣🤣

OfficiallyBroken · 30/08/2022 21:46

Nope.

My mother made no bones about telling me I was conceived much earlier than my parents wanted me to be well don't have sex then! and my brood of siblings didn't start appearing until I was almost 8 years old.

But I've never felt less loved than my planned for siblings. I was something that happened unplanned, I was never unwanted. My mother told me as a cautionary tale for making sure you're in the right place financially/emotionally etc before having your first child.

BogRollBOGOF · 30/08/2022 21:50

I'm just glad I exist!

User3936493947 · 30/08/2022 21:53

It wouldn’t have done if my parents hadn’t made it very clear that it was hugely embarrassing (so we definitely didn’t talk about it with other people - I think I was about 8 when I was old enough to do the maths so it wasn’t like it was difficult to work out) and if my mother hadn’t made it clear that it ruined her 20s (and probably the rest of her life) by arriving unplanned.

Andromache77 · 30/08/2022 21:57

I was an accident. My very absentminded mum started taking the pill after having my sister, to avoid having a second child too close together. Of course, mum being mum, she must have missed a couple, and she got pregnant with me. She told me that when she found out she cried, my sister was a very intense child and very small too (we're a year and a half apart).

It doesn't bother me at all, I was loved and cared for, which is all that really matters. In your case, the only concern is the dad's shitty attitude but the circumstances of your child's conception, whether true or not, are basically irrelevant.

Ragged · 30/08/2022 21:59

"Surprise" OP. Surprises are often good things.
And no, it's only on MN that I learnt that people are supposed to be ashamed about surprise babies !!

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 30/08/2022 22:01

I was told I was an accident but I was very much loved by mum. To dad I was less important and that has left some resentment but basically I'm fine.

Shimmyshimmycocobop · 30/08/2022 22:02

My parents used to joke that only my sister out of 3 of us was planned. Never crossed my mind to be bothered.

PinkButtercups · 30/08/2022 22:03

I was unplanned. Arrived 10 months after my sister as I was premature.

I don't feel less loved. There is 5 of us and I think only my younger sister was 'tried' for.

dun1urkin · 30/08/2022 22:04

Similarly, but not the same, apparently I was terribly awfully hard work until I was mobile (compared to my older sister). If I’d have come first they’d never have had another etc etc blah blah
I’m (perversely, and secretly) proud I was such a first class pain in the arse.
Doesn’t bother me one bit, I know I was, and am, loved very much

QueSyrahSyrah · 30/08/2022 22:06

Meh. My mate's older Sister used to tease that he was the 'B' child being the younger. He'd retort every time that he was the planned child.

Neither of them were less wanted or loved and knew it.

crosbystillsandmash · 30/08/2022 22:07

I know I was an accident, my parents had only been together for a few months when I was conceived. I also found out as an adult that my mum had wanted to terminate me.
Doesn't bother me in the slightest.
I'm here and very much loved and wanted!

PreColumbian · 30/08/2022 22:08

Doesn’t upset me in the slightest.

MsCactus · 30/08/2022 22:10

Nope. I was an accident, my brothers were planned (and pretty sure I'm my parents' favourite 😉)

dandelionthistle · 30/08/2022 22:11

Some of the replies are going to be less relevant as they are about nuclear families where the timing wasn't right for whatever reason.

My mum had me on her own and has always (though rarely) presented that as a happy choice. Its never felt like an open topic of discussion though.

My grandmother, years later (I was probably 30?), told me my mother was devastated for months of the pregnancy blah blah.

I don't think I mind which version is true, but I did feel a bit blindsided by my grandmother's version and would rather not have heard it. But all of that is compounded by it being a non-conversation with my mother. I remember being a child and friends asking me whether my parents were divorced and not really knowing how to answer. It's my mother's chippy evasiveness that's the issue for me I think.

BackToGoingOnHoliday · 30/08/2022 22:12

My third is a surprise baby and very much wanted. I think he knows both these things.

I was very much planned - miscarriages before and after - but my mum did not love me and does not talk to me anymore.

Life is not plannable. That’s not a real word, I do know that.