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Original poster

One of my dc is behaving terribly

56 replies

Username99999 · 30/08/2022 07:47

and stopping us all from doing anything.

I have 4 dc. All aged 12 and under. My youngest is 7 and being very difficult at the moment.

He can be a lovely caring boy at times. He will tell me he loves me and is caring towards others.

Other times though, he fights with his siblings and breaks things. When we are out he causes such a scene that we all feel so uncomfortable and embarrassed.

We went to soft play and it all began fine until we had to leave. All my other dc came to sit with me whilst we waited for youngest dc. He stayed playing for an extra 20 minutes. It was so embarrassing as I tried to get him he would run off and hide. Parents were all looking at me sympathetically as I was so hot and flustered.
In the end we sat and waited for him and eventually he skipped over to us. Then screamed on the way out as he wanted an ice cream.

On the way home he whacked one dc in the face, kicked another in the leg and pulled the others hair. All for no reason.

This is just one example but it happens every day. Wherever we go.

Dh is always working so it's all down to me in the day to entertain them. He suggested we stay in for a day as ds may be tired. We tried that yesterday and by lunchtime he'd hit two of his siblings, threw a cup of water over the table and tormented the cat.

How can I encourage him to behave? It's so tiring for all involved and I feel so guilty that every day is focused around keeping youngest from acting up.

OP posts:
Feathersandothers · 30/08/2022 07:54

Do you have any family or friends locally you could leave him with for a day while the rest of you take a break?
Or are there any courses/ football days etc locally that you could send him to?

WimpoleHat · 30/08/2022 07:57

This sounds tough - you have my sympathy! You have examples of his behaviour, but what did you do in response each time?

choosername1234 · 30/08/2022 07:57

I know it's a cliche but what are the consequences for him of this behaviour? Because it sounds like he got an extra 20min soft play time, what happened when you got home?

Interested in this thread?

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12 year olds 7 year olds Families
cansu · 30/08/2022 08:01

Agree about the consequences. What happens if he hits out or doesn't follow instructions?

Annieisalright · 30/08/2022 08:05

What happens as a consequence when he acts like this?

Catinthesun · 30/08/2022 08:07

Sympathy, OP, I don’t know what I’d do to be honest. When people mention consequences on these threads I assume they mean time out or grounded or similar but hard to enforce with other kids, and they may just not care.

Original poster
Username99999 · 30/08/2022 08:07

We have a reward chart and if it's got a sticker for every day that week, they will get some pocket money.
They won't get a sticker if they're violent or don't listen. Ds hasn't had a full sticker week in a while now.

He doesn't seem to care though.

Also no computer games for the rest of the day.

I try to encourage play such as football, or imaginative play, LEGO but he doesn't hold interest for long.

OP posts:
Catinthesun · 30/08/2022 08:10

To be fair, the OP appears to have three compliant, well behaved kids, so unlikely to be her parenting! It could just be youngest child syndrome maybe? (Prince Louis?)

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 30/08/2022 08:10

Honestly if he hits I’d remove him from the family time- stay home for the day with him in his room and everyone else downstairs. Doesn’t have to be all day, can start with an hour and build up- but if being physical make it clear he won’t be able to partake in the family fun.

Annieisalright · 30/08/2022 08:13

Username99999 · 30/08/2022 08:07

We have a reward chart and if it's got a sticker for every day that week, they will get some pocket money.
They won't get a sticker if they're violent or don't listen. Ds hasn't had a full sticker week in a while now.

He doesn't seem to care though.

Also no computer games for the rest of the day.

I try to encourage play such as football, or imaginative play, LEGO but he doesn't hold interest for long.

Here is your problem

He doesn't care

So he needs a different consequence

Children are different, they can't all be rewarded the same way as they will value different things

PatchworkElmer · 30/08/2022 08:13

He needs a robust and immediate consequence. I know this is tricky when you have several children to deal with. Have a clear talk before you go about behaviour expectations and what will happen if they don’t meet them.

To be honest (and totally contradicting myself here) I’d seriously consider warning him that he won’t be able to come on the next outing if he doesn’t behave- DH will have to take a day off to give him a boring day at home. This would give the other DC a break.

Can he explain why he does it? Is he overstimulated by certain environments? What situations does he behave well in?

Ringmaster27 · 30/08/2022 08:17

I have similar with my middle one 😬
Its not usually this bad, so I’m putting it down to the fact that it’s the summer holidays, and he’s not used to spending this much time with both of his sisters all up in his shit 24/7 🤷🏻‍♀️ Definitely doesn’t excuse the behaviour, but I can kind of see why he’s more easily agitated than on a normal school day.
I’m trying really hard to get it through to my eldest (7) and middle one (5) that basic respect for other people and other people’s belongings isn’t negotiable, and they will not get away with being dicks to each other. Not really going too great. I’m amazed they haven’t killed each other yet 🤯

Original poster
Username99999 · 30/08/2022 08:19

I feel guilty having started this thread as he's currently in the living room with his brother and they are both playing and giggling. Really giggling.

Today we have to go out and it isn't for anything fun. I will explain to ds how I expect him to behave and the consequences for if he doesn't.

OP posts:
mattressspring · 30/08/2022 08:20

Stop the sticker thing, it isn't working. All it is doing is teaching him he doesn't have to behave. That said, is he stressed by going places? Any SEN? Any reason he is unable to cope?

Rainallnight · 30/08/2022 08:22

Ha she always been like this or has it just started?

does he get any one to one time? Could he be acting up for attention?

Ahnobother · 30/08/2022 08:24

I have one like this and she means well and is very loving but isn't able to regulate her emotions in the moment. She will lash out at her siblings too.
I find her hard to manage but we have kept her home from activities in the past as other consequences just make her really defiant.
The other thing that works is advance warning on expected behaviour and love bombing to help her general mood.

Prescottdanni123 · 30/08/2022 08:25

How does he behave at school? Have the teachers noticed anything? Maybe try looking into whether he could possibly have any special educational needs. The suddenly losing his temper and lashing out could be because he is finding certain situations frustrating or stressful.

toomuchlaundry · 30/08/2022 08:26

Why is DH always working? Surely he must have some time off?

What is DS like at school?

MyNameIsNotMichele · 30/08/2022 08:29

You are obviously a seasoned parent who has tried many strategies. It must be utterly exasperating.

I know people in here either suggest special needs or poo poo the suggestion but your description of his behaviour does remind me of my youngest and he has sensory processing disorder. It wasn’t until I learned what it meant for him
and adjusted our lives to better accommodate his needs that everything settled down.

UserError012345 · 30/08/2022 08:30

It's a youngest thing! Mine is just the same.

She is one extreme to the other and nothing in between.

I just pray for a good day and ride it out if it's not. There's not much else I can do. Unless anyone has any suggestions. 🤷‍♀️

I would suggest that you try and be a bit stricter with consequences. The earlier the better - I didn't (tried to gentle parent) and Im now having to be stricter with bad behaviour.

It's exhausting though and I only have 2!!

Original poster
Username99999 · 30/08/2022 08:30

I don't want to stop the sticker chart as the other children like it (even the 12 year old)

Ds does get lots of my attention. He will be the one to come and sit with me in the evening and we have a cuddle. I think by then he's worn out from his behavior.

When DH isn't working he will play football with the younger two boys and they do that on their own.

I try to give all of my dc individual attention but that's easier to do when at home as I cannot take them out individually.

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 30/08/2022 08:32

Sticker charts work well with some children and not with others.

Annieisalright · 30/08/2022 08:33

Username99999 · 30/08/2022 08:30

I don't want to stop the sticker chart as the other children like it (even the 12 year old)

Ds does get lots of my attention. He will be the one to come and sit with me in the evening and we have a cuddle. I think by then he's worn out from his behavior.

When DH isn't working he will play football with the younger two boys and they do that on their own.

I try to give all of my dc individual attention but that's easier to do when at home as I cannot take them out individually.

You don't have to stop it for the others

Some children respond to them

Others don't

Like with dog training you need to find each child's 'high value' reward and use that

For the others is the sticker chart

For your youngest it will be something else

shazzybazzy34 · 30/08/2022 08:35

Not sure why you gave him 20 mins extra play time and you all just sat there waiting on him. So he decided when it was time to leave. Surely that in itself is a problem.

LadyEloise1 · 30/08/2022 08:38

His behaviour is very hard on the rest of the family. I don't envy you.
Why did you just sit waiting for him as he got his 20 minutes extra play ?
Did he get the ice cream after soft play that he screamed for ?
Has he any SEN ?
Why is your dh always working ?
7 days a week ?