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Original poster

Does anyone have one child due to these reasons?

77 replies

DiamondsandSapphire · 29/08/2022 07:32

Single parent to 4 year old. Ex has sporadic contact. Apparently he's doing more in the coming months but we shall see. I have a partner and did consider having another child but honestly I'm put off because alot of it is hard work?
The pregnancy, the risks, the baby stage, tantrums, nursery runs. Having to plan if you want to go anywhere. Love my.child but I don't think I could do that level of work again.

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 29/08/2022 07:34

I’d consider if you could manage a second if your relationship with your DP broke down.

Original poster
DiamondsandSapphire · 29/08/2022 07:36

Well yes kangaroo. There's no way I could do this all alone if it did. I'd keel over.

OP posts:
GroggyLegs · 29/08/2022 07:37

Sounds like you're content with one.
Why upset that?

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Families
mawofone · 29/08/2022 07:39

For a few different reasons the decision to have a 2nd was taken out our hands.
However, even if I was told tomorrow that I could have a 2nd and baby and I would be fine, I wouldn't do it. For all the reasons you have listed!
I am really fulfilled by my one. He is 3 and we're beginning to get some independence back. I absolutely could not go back to the newborn/colic/weaning phase. I'd love to get the snuggles again but the reality is so different! And I'm saying that as someone who has a super supportive and hands on husband!

Original poster
DiamondsandSapphire · 29/08/2022 07:40

Apparently my child will be unhappy being lumbered with his parents when they're old and be a oddbod according to mumsnet lol.

OP posts:
Remmy123 · 29/08/2022 07:41

It really doesn't sound like you want another .

Rinatinabina · 29/08/2022 07:45

I’m not having another one because I’m really tired already. Nothing wrong with that tbh. I’m an ok parent to 1, I’d be shit with 2.

SuperSange · 29/08/2022 07:47

DiamondsandSapphire · 29/08/2022 07:40

Apparently my child will be unhappy being lumbered with his parents when they're old and be a oddbod according to mumsnet lol.

I'm not sure why you care what a load of randoms think. We stopped at one for our own reasons, none of which have anything to do with anyone else. If you're comfortable with your decision, own it.

Original poster
DiamondsandSapphire · 29/08/2022 07:47

I've no idea how people cope alone with more than 1. Primary school is going to give me more work aswell I imagine.

OP posts:
GroggyLegs · 29/08/2022 07:50

Apparently my child will be unhappy being lumbered with his parents when they're old and be a oddbod according to mumsnet lol.

And do you agree with that view?
Against the odds, I have managed to have a career, a family and I even have friends, despite being an only.

Yes, I do feel additional responsibility for my parents as they get older, but I don't know if a sibling group where one child doesn't end up taking the lead anyway. I think I'd find it harder if someone could help, but didn't.

As it was, I have been well supported in terms of time, attention & financially throughout my life. In some ways I've been very privileged to be an only.

whatthejuice · 29/08/2022 07:51

It doesn't sound like you want another. I know plenty of people who have stuck at one and are very happy with their decision. I can absolutely see the benefits of it as well, especially as your child is 4 and you've said goodbye to those hard, early days quite a while ago now. Full disclaimer I have 2 kids and love it, but wouldn't it be boring if everyone had the same set up!

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 29/08/2022 07:51

I only have one because I couldn't conceive any more but I would've done it again.

WhatNoRaisins · 29/08/2022 07:52

I only wanted two if close together. With a 4 year old I think you're moving on to a different stage of parenting and I personally would not have wanted to combine that with having a brand new baby. There's nothing wrong with having one in any case.

justusandmoo · 29/08/2022 07:54

I have one child and she's 13 now. I knew v early on (in the first month) that I would never want another. People kept telling me I'd get broody and would change my mind. I never even came close! No way and no thanks! 😂

I love her with all my being but wow it was hard work!

I've had many comments over the years about it being unfair to not give her a sibling. Also had the comments around who will look after me when I'm old. Both ridiculous reasons to have a second if you really don't want one!

Don't feel pressured into it by society.

WhatNoRaisins · 29/08/2022 07:55

Also let's be honest how many sibling sets end up falling out over disagreements with their elderly parents care. Sometimes it's better to manage alone without having to work with a difficult sibling.

Original poster
DiamondsandSapphire · 29/08/2022 08:01

I felt pressure into having a child in the first place

OP posts:
Ragwort · 29/08/2022 08:03

I only ever wanted one child ... I don't have to justify the reasons. He is now 21 and seems a perfectly normal, confident, happy young man (as are many of his friends who have siblings Confused). He has never said he wanted a sibling and in fact comments on 'noisy, chaotic' households with lots of DC - generalising of course!

At the other stage of life my DM is 90 - she is an only DC but she has always had a huge circle of friends, a busy, active life and even now lives life to the full - so not having siblings has never affected her lifestyle.

And totally agree that caring for elderly parents causes massive fall outs between siblings ... have seen this so many times.

stopitstopitnow · 29/08/2022 08:04

I had just the 1 because
I hated every second of pregnancy,
DD was a colicky baby and the 1st 3 months were hell,
I was bullied constantly as a child by my older sibling and there was no way I was going to risk any child of mine being treated like that by theirs,

I have never regretted my decision to be 1 and done.

Ragwort · 29/08/2022 08:05

There seems to a huge pressure on women (rarely men) to have two DC - having none, one or more than two seems to invite judgment.

Make your own choice, I have never regretted my decision to have one DC.

EttieKett · 29/08/2022 08:07

I am a single parent of more than one child. I would have hated to have had only one. In a way, having more than one is much less hard work than having one.

Hopeandlove · 29/08/2022 08:08

I had one and her father has no contact and it was fine the two of us.

my new husband wanted a baby and we had her sibling and we divorced and he doesn’t do much.

take him out - relationship can fail. Do you want another child? I did and I don’t regret it. It doesn’t sound like you do.

there Is nearly 10 years between mine and the relationship is very different than 1 year. That’s also a consideration as well as nursery etc

I don’t regret mine but I thought long and hard as I was very happy with just her -

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/08/2022 08:12

With so many women needing to work, one child sounds like a good option. I only had one for health reasons. The pregnancy was incredibly hard and painful. The birth, too much for me and I was in shock despite being a very emotionally resilient person. She is an ivf child and I had to make peace with just having one, which was hard but totally the right decision for her and for me.

PermanentTemporary · 29/08/2022 08:12

I have 1. I would have had 2 but dh was ill a lot and it was made worse by lack of sleep, so in the end he had a vasectomy. I won't lie, there was a long patch where I think ds really wanted a sibling and I felt dreadful that I hadn't given him one. But that is all over now and I think he is pretty happy with lots of friends, a preferred sport or two and exciting uni plans. When dh died, it was in fact a kind of release just to be able to centre ds and look after his needs and my own. There was a peace to it.

I'm making my own arrangements for my old age and hope not to load expectations on him tbh - caring for my mum fell to me as my sister and brother are far away and it nearly broke me a few times. He is my dearest love and the apple of my eye but he's also his own person. It is lovely having an only sometimes.

Original poster
DiamondsandSapphire · 29/08/2022 08:13

I'm not sure if I want another one. I'm leaning towards no. It really is alot of work. I work 4 days so walk the dog, drop him at nursery, commute 40 mins to work then repeat. Dad isn't keen on weekends so I do sat, sun, Mon alone then back to work.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 29/08/2022 08:14

Just seen the post below mine. Dd also wanted a sibling for a very long time. She now realises the benefit of being an only.