Page 2 | Does anyone have one child due to these reasons?

DiamondsandSapphire · 2022-08-29T06:32:57+00:00

Single parent to 4 year old. Ex has sporadic contact. Apparently he's doing more in the coming months but we shall see. I have a partner and did consider having another child but honestly I'm put off because alot of it is hard work? The pregnancy, the risks, the baby stage, tantrums, nursery runs. Having to plan if you want to go anywhere. Love my.child but I don't think I could do that level of work again.

Disneyblueeyes · 29/08/2022 08:15

I'm one of three and I'm dreading when my parents get older and start struggling because I know there'll be disagreements.

We're considering not having any more OP. I have one happy 2 year old and she's been a dream. We're actually getting our lives back as well.
I can't be arsed going through pregnancy, labour and the early stages again because I feel so much more could go wrong this time, and I have to ask myself why would I risk it? We have the perfect balance right now.

I do appreciate it can be easier with two eventually, but the short term pain long term gain argument isn't enough for me to put myself through it all again. I just want to get on with my life now.

Original poster

DiamondsandSapphire · 29/08/2022 08:16

Disneyblueeyes · 29/08/2022 08:15

I'm one of three and I'm dreading when my parents get older and start struggling because I know there'll be disagreements.

We're considering not having any more OP. I have one happy 2 year old and she's been a dream. We're actually getting our lives back as well.
I can't be arsed going through pregnancy, labour and the early stages again because I feel so much more could go wrong this time, and I have to ask myself why would I risk it? We have the perfect balance right now.

I do appreciate it can be easier with two eventually, but the short term pain long term gain argument isn't enough for me to put myself through it all again. I just want to get on with my life now.

Im the same about wanting to get on with life tbb

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Original poster

DiamondsandSapphire · 29/08/2022 08:17

I think because I've done so much on my own I feel like I've done it to death really if that makes sense?

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OnlyFoolsnMothers · 29/08/2022 08:19

one Child families are hardly a rarity - is having more than one good from a sibling perspective, yes but I think they need to be closer in age to reap that benefit. Over 5yrs imo it’s like raising two only children, completely diff stages of childhood.
lots of pros to having 1 so I wouldn’t give it another thought

DarkForces · 29/08/2022 08:20

Those are some of the reasons but I'm also happy having one. We're a decade in and it just works for us. She nagged for a dog rather than a sibling and now we've got one she's super happy!

ParkheadParadise · 29/08/2022 08:21

I had one dd and didn't want anymore.
I had dd very young and was a single parent. I was happy with my decision.

23 years later I had Dd2 😂😂😂

Original poster

DiamondsandSapphire · 29/08/2022 08:24

ParkheadParadise · 29/08/2022 08:21

I had one dd and didn't want anymore.
I had dd very young and was a single parent. I was happy with my decision.

23 years later I had Dd2 😂😂😂

I'm 36 so defo don't have 22 years 😅

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Whataretheodds · 29/08/2022 08:24

MN also full of posters whose siblings aren't pulling their weight in looking out for elderly parents. Siblings are no guarantee of support!

I am unlikely to have more than one child due to age. Friends who are becoming so mums are unlikely to have more than one. These children will have close relationships with children in other families and make friends through school and hobbies. Elderly parents and the care burden will likely be universal. Friends will support each other through it.

WhatNoRaisins · 29/08/2022 08:26

As for children wanting siblings, I remember after watching The Sound of Music wanting to be part of a huge family like the Von Trapps. It didn't mean it would have been a good idea for my parents to have had 7 kids or that the reality would have matched my childish expectations if they did

Singleandproud · 29/08/2022 08:29

I'm also a single parent, I wouldn't have wanted another one when she was younger as I hit the jackpot with her and she's incredibly easy to parent, I'm not sure how I'd handle a live wire and work and have two.

I also had hyperemesis whilst pregnant with her and was really, really sick there's no way I want to put myself through that again, I was pretty useless for months.

GetThatHelmetOn · 29/08/2022 08:31

DiamondsandSapphire · 29/08/2022 07:40

Apparently my child will be unhappy being lumbered with his parents when they're old and be a oddbod according to mumsnet lol.

I know some one who staunchly believes that is true. The poor man has been taking care of his elderly mother, her husband as well and provided care for his grandmother until she died.

He has a sister though, who has never ever helped because “she has her hands full with 3 children” and she is not even a single mum.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers, stay with an only if that works for you.

BogRollBOGOF · 29/08/2022 08:34

They're largely the reasons why I stuck with 2 and didn't indulge broody desires to have a 3rd. I'd spent over 3 years pregnant (awful nausea, crippled up with SPD) or recovering from difficult births. Then the breastfeeding.
By the time I'd reached 3/5 and able to even contemplate creating #3, we were out of nappies, phasing out the buggy, split school/ nursery runs and I couldn't face going back to nausea, SPD and slow recovery births again.

Pretty sensible reasons and I have no long term regrets. DS1 turned out to be neurodiverse so that takes more parenting effort long term and while DS1 & 2 on balance have a great relationship (between squabbles) an extra sibling would have brought him no great benefits.

Nothing wrong with only children. There's lots of opportunities for them to socialise and flourish.

MinnieMountain · 29/08/2022 08:34

I’m not close to any of my 4 siblings. Even the one closest in age.

We chose to stick at one. It’s working well for all of us.

A friend’s son is a third generation only. They’re all lovely, normal people.

How your child turns out is much more due to parenting than whether or not they have siblings.

vincettenoir · 29/08/2022 08:40

I have one and have never longer for another. All the reasons you have given for not wanting another are valid.

I find it hard to understand what drives people to have multiple children even though I realise that is the norm.

Spudlet · 29/08/2022 08:41

I’m a one and done mum too. We considered a second when DS was 18 months old or so, and then when we had just about decided we would, I had a bit of a crisis and sat awake all night fretting about the prospect of another bloody uncomfortable pregnancy, another year of sleepless nights and constant feeding, another year of being exhausted and barely able to function. Then I went upstairs the next morning and told DH I didn’t think I could do it again and dear god, the sheer relief on his face 😂 So we stopped at one and I’m glad we did. DS has additional needs so we can put all our energy into helping him, we were able to stay put in our little house without needing to overstretch ourselves and move to get a third bedroom (no way could two share DS’s room, it’s minuscule). We’re better off financially and mentally too.

His older cousin is an only too and is perfectly well adjusted and happy.

DreamToNightmare · 29/08/2022 08:43

The benefits to having more than one are the relationship my children have with each other other. They absolutely adore each other and they have their own little world and never stop telling each other that they love each other. They are best friends and it’s a very special love they have towards each other and it’s amazing watching their bond develop but I also know this closeness may not last forever.

Plus, my mum has recently taken my eldest one on holiday for 10 days and when it was just me and the youngest it was so lovely! There were no sibling squabbles, I could put all my focus on my youngest, we could do what he wanted to do every day, we had so much fun just the two of us and the house was just so much quieter. When the eldest came home they had a lovely reunion, in fact he cried when he cuddled his little brother and said how much he’d missed him…..but within hours they were bickering over x, y and z and the normal, stressful loudness had resumed.

I can definitely see why people would choose to have one child for this reason alone!

Don’t feel pressured to have another child OP if you don’t want to. Yes there are benefits to having a second but there are also difficulties too and it can be a real gamble as to which side of the coin it’s going to land on.

You are clearly happy with having one child so just embrace it and stop worrying about what other people will think.

PermanentTemporary · 29/08/2022 08:50

Lol spudlet same - we had one night when we decided to have another, had sex and then I was awake half the night with flashbacks to the birth and early weeks. Booked the GP appointment to have a vasectomy within a few days. I've never been so relieved to have my period turn up....

Original poster

DiamondsandSapphire · 29/08/2022 09:06

I think the pressure society puts on women to have kids is ridiculous.

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SunnyD44 · 29/08/2022 09:17

I have only 1 who is now a teenager and honestly I do feel so guilty that she doesn’t have any siblings.

I could not have coped at the time being a single parent to 2 which is what I keep needing to remind myself.

Chikapu · 29/08/2022 09:22

I don't have children, completely by choice. I never felt any pressure from society to change my mind, can you expand on that?

KatieLatie · 29/08/2022 09:29

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster

DiamondsandSapphire · 29/08/2022 10:07

Chikapu · 29/08/2022 09:22

I don't have children, completely by choice. I never felt any pressure from society to change my mind, can you expand on that?

I just felt like I got to a certain age and people go on about having baby's.

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Original poster

DiamondsandSapphire · 29/08/2022 10:08

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

I'm going to make provisions for my old age so he shouldn't have to do lots.

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Original poster

DiamondsandSapphire · 29/08/2022 10:09

I'm not having another man control me as via his work and shifts dictating custody arrangements. It fucks me off.

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Mummyoflittledragon · 29/08/2022 11:01

DreamToNightmare · 29/08/2022 08:43

The benefits to having more than one are the relationship my children have with each other other. They absolutely adore each other and they have their own little world and never stop telling each other that they love each other. They are best friends and it’s a very special love they have towards each other and it’s amazing watching their bond develop but I also know this closeness may not last forever.

Plus, my mum has recently taken my eldest one on holiday for 10 days and when it was just me and the youngest it was so lovely! There were no sibling squabbles, I could put all my focus on my youngest, we could do what he wanted to do every day, we had so much fun just the two of us and the house was just so much quieter. When the eldest came home they had a lovely reunion, in fact he cried when he cuddled his little brother and said how much he’d missed him…..but within hours they were bickering over x, y and z and the normal, stressful loudness had resumed.

I can definitely see why people would choose to have one child for this reason alone!

Don’t feel pressured to have another child OP if you don’t want to. Yes there are benefits to having a second but there are also difficulties too and it can be a real gamble as to which side of the coin it’s going to land on.

You are clearly happy with having one child so just embrace it and stop worrying about what other people will think.

I am welling up because I would have loved to have this sort of relationship with my sibling. As is, I am nc for my own physical protection.

Does anyone have one child due to these reasons?

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