What do you do when you're unwell and nobody can help with DC?

[ovhalph]

My DC has special needs.

I came to visit my grandmother this weekend and unexpectedly fell ill last night.

My body and joints ache. High temperature. Headache. Confusion, really have to concentrate to write this. I feel like my body will snap if I'm not careful physically.

I cry at the thought of moving off the bed or sofa. It's just like nothing I've ever experienced. Thought maybe Covid but negative

Problem is I can't drive back home (2 hours). And DC's dad won't help me unless I drive DC to him. We aren't together and he isn't great with DC.

My grandmother is really struggling with him. She won't admit it but it's pure hell. She's screaming at him etc. she is too old for this nonsense

My DC is profoundly disabled. And can't just sit and watch telly for example. He needs constant supervision and watching closely

What on earth do I do? Leaving my ex was clearly a mistake

Doesn't help either that I'm freezing cold, then too hot: then freezing. My body is aching all over and then I have random painful spasms down my hands and arms, back etc

Dose yourself up, rest as much as you can there's not much else you can do if your ex won't come and help. Hope you feel better soon .

Does your relative know of anyone with an older teen at home who could do with some baby sitting money?

If not, then you will need to dose yourself up with everything going and just do what you can to keep you child happy.

I wouldn't travel in your current state.

Night Nurse and Day Nurse was fantastic when I had the flu.

Can you afford a sitter?

Even if you were still with him are you really thinking he would have stepped up? Given what you've said I think you'd have been on your own either way.

If you were my friend, I would come and fetch you! Is there anyone, a good friend maybe, who might help you?

Just get on with it? I’m a single mum (father absent) with no family, I had an awful vomiting but the other day couldn’t even get out of bed I just had to get on with it tbh what else can you do?

Sitters.co.uk?

Thank you

It's just horrific, a bit like a mild for of torture - DC doesn't sleep (strongly medicated but still doesn't), very well. He does at best 3 or 4 hours. Otherwise he's wired, into everything, trying to hurt people a lot, hurt himself through head banging etc. noisy. It's just so bloody hard and I want to sob

It makes me wonder what on earth id do if I ended up in hospital again. His dad would likely refuse to take care of him, or he'd shout a lot at him, or he would be texting and phoning me 24/7 for updates on discharge

Poor you, this sounds awful. Take nurofen straight away then paracetamol in another two hours. That should give you a very basic level of functionality. Then see if you can drive back tomorrow

Is your DC profoundly disabled needing constant supervision? I ask because when he was a toddler, I was unwell. He still watched films etc on and off.
There's no let up with him. Zero

Thank you. Will see if I can drive back in the morning but I won't be able to if still feeling severe sleep deprivation and/or confusion from whatever this is

Yes I have 4 kids 2 autistic, but if you have no one you have no one? My kids haven’t seen their dad in 18 months and I have no family, if I went to hospital sadly it would be foster care just have to prey it doesn’t happen!

No other family members who can help your grandmother?

If you’re really unwell - and it sounds like flu, perhaps - then SS might be able to offer respite care. But both your grandmother and his father would have to refuse to help.

@FlyingSaucerss Christ that's awful. DC would be so confused.

It's just awful

Nobody will help at all because he doesn't sleep

What would happen if you showed up at his dad's house, dropped him off and left? There's no reason you should have to suffer when you're unwell when he's (probably) capable of looking after his own child x

This sounds so hard, especially as your ex sounds like a complete waste of space.

sounds like you have to stay out and do the best you can for now. You could maybe contact local care agencies to see if you can pay for a few one of carers to assist your grandmother in looking after him.

Do you get any respite support usually when you are at home?

Doesn't sound like the OP is well enough to drive.

I understand no one would take him sole care. But would anyone help your grandmother so she can get rest, a few hours of a day, or transport him to his dad’s (so YOU can get rest!)

Why won’t your DS’s father travel to fetch him? Does he not drive, or is it spite?

Luckily I’m not sick often but their father wouldn’t have them and he’s never had them overnight since we split anyway so even if he was around he wouldn’t have them, I remember saying to him I was worried what would happen to the kids if I die and he said “well you better make sure you don’t” 🤦🏻

He'd have to take him in but he would be contacting me constantly and driving me up the wall with guilt and comments about how he can't cope

Yeah that sounds about right 🤦‍♀️ I'd be switching off my phone at that point and getting some well deserved rest, guy would just have to suck it up

Yes he has 12 hours respite a week. But it's always in the mornings and he's usually dropped off earlier than the agreed 3/4 hours because they're limited in what they can do with him

They're currently pushing the agency to give him 2/1 and his current 2 carers cannot cope at all

So do it and block him.