What do you do when you're unwell and nobody can help with DC?

[ovhalph]

My DC has special needs.

I came to visit my grandmother this weekend and unexpectedly fell ill last night.

My body and joints ache. High temperature. Headache. Confusion, really have to concentrate to write this. I feel like my body will snap if I'm not careful physically.

I cry at the thought of moving off the bed or sofa. It's just like nothing I've ever experienced. Thought maybe Covid but negative

Problem is I can't drive back home (2 hours). And DC's dad won't help me unless I drive DC to him. We aren't together and he isn't great with DC.

My grandmother is really struggling with him. She won't admit it but it's pure hell. She's screaming at him etc. she is too old for this nonsense

My DC is profoundly disabled. And can't just sit and watch telly for example. He needs constant supervision and watching closely

What on earth do I do? Leaving my ex was clearly a mistake

Not helpful, have a disabled child is a whole different level.

I'm a single parent to 2 disabled dc (now teens), luckily mine can kind of entertain themselves and I keep a stock of Lego sets for when these things happen as they keep dd2 busy for a couple hours. I have managed to get through severe food poisoning as well as covid 3 times but it wasn’t easy at all. I’m lucky that my eldest can just about keep an eye on the youngest.

I think if I was you I would drug myself up as much as you can and see how you feel tomorrow, if you can then drive home, your ds will probably be happier and easier to handle at home? If there’s anything that will keep ds quiet/busy then buy it or do it, wether that’s giving him something messy to play with, his favourite tv programme or his favourite food?

My dd is easier to manage at home because my house is more ‘dd safe’, we have locks and there’s nothing she can really damage or hurt herself with.

If it came down to it social services would step In with emergency care. You will have to dial 999 if you are truly bed ridden and can not cope. Really hope you feel better soon x

Yes I've had that comment too, well similar. I said I wonder what would happen if I died? I was unwell in hospital with sepsis and getting constant texts to come home as quickly as possible. He said 'you better not or he won't be here anymore living with me'

Ill but ill enough to parent - struggle through I suppose. I’ve thrown up on the school run a few times before. There has been one time though that I couldn’t parent so I hired an emergency babysitter. It was expensive but I was so sick I didn’t care.
Disclaimer - I do have DH, who is great, but works away sometimes so I can’t get him to help if I fall sick.

Keep testing - I had symptoms for a couple of days then tested positive on day three of feeling unwell.

I'm sorry you're struggling - I agree with the suggestions of getting him to his dad's and then turning your phone off! If you're not up to driving, would he be able to go in a taxi? Maybe with his carers?

His dad is a 2 hour drive away so I cannot get a taxi. I'm so angry his dad isn't interested in helping me

But the thing is, if I dropped him there, I'd be worried sick. His dad has no patience for him. He has never harmed him but he shouts and swears and it's just so unfair on DC. It breaks my heart leaving him with him alone for even a day as that's too much, and again constant streams of texts coming to say he can't cope

I have 4 kids 2 with autism so yes I know what it’s like but like I said if you have no one you have no one what else can you do?

FFS, @FlyingSaucerss

IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU,

On reflection my mum would help if she was asked to be a hopsital etc, but she too would send things like 'I don't know how you cope', and 'it's so hard'. Honestly it's just horrific and makes me so depressed that I can't even be seriously unwell and have some help

My grandmother is trying and trying and won't admit defeat. I feel so sorry for her

I never said it’s about me? This thread is literally asking what you do? And the poster I quoted said it’s different if you have a disabled child, well I do! The thread title is literally what do you do, sorry didn’t realise we are not suppose to posts personal experiences on a thread asking what you do 🤦🏻

Just stay where you are and make the best of it, don't be driving when you are so ill. Conversations about how crap your ex is can come later and you can have something in place for next time. Just get through this the best you can.

I agree with the other poster. Day nurse and then night nurse capsules will help. Please buy some! The day nurse will rally you like nothing else. And the night nurse means you sleep like the dead. I can't believe I'd gone 30 years on this planet without trying it.

It won’t be aiding recovery to have the stress of this, either. I am sorry though, @ovhalph , it really is a nightmare for you. Have sent a PM.

His dad sounds like a dickhead. I guess just dose yourself up and try get as much rest as possible, hope you feel better soon x

I can't take anything like night nurse - it's brilliant. But you have to be able to sleep. I can only sleep 3 or 4 hours max. That would be dangerous really as I wouldn't be alert and aware of DS (he sleeps 12 midnight to 3am usually). And then he's up like a puppy on a playing field

DS is thankfully eating so I'm going to catch 20 winks whilst he does. Sorry if I don't reply to my own thread

Wow

Did that make you feel better?

All I’m going to say on the matter is that if you are going to demand support from MN, you need to be prepared to give it as well,@FlyingSaucerss

OP if you have carer funding I assume you have had a social care assessment? (We are in the same position) If it came to it you could ring the urgent number for the disabled children's team and get urgent help - respite?

Thank you I'll try this. DC has a disability social worker but obviously they don't work weekends but there must be emergency contacts so I'll look now

The only issue is we're 2 hours away from that council/finding area as we aren't at home

Hi OP,
I'm sorry you are feeling so rough.
My husband was very ill with fevers/stomach bug a couple of weeks ago (illness only lasted a few days) but day 2 there was no way he could parent and I rang work to say I couldn't leave my kids with my husband he was too ill (I do nightshifts).

I've been in this job 8 years and never had to do that before and he's been ill a few times but this time he could barely cope with his own discomfort/totally out of it and couldn't have been aware of the kids at all. It did make me think what hapoens in that situation without backup and I guess social services would find some emergency care - although I don't think he would have been in any state to organise it and would have to use all his strength to find help to do it.

Your nights sound really hard. When you are better could you try to get assessed for some night time short breaks (respite) - I don't know how you are managing.

I'm not sure how old your child is. Are they in school when it's not the holiday? Special school? Is there any provision for night care linked to the school just for a night or two each week?

Hope you manage to catch a little rest

Cant your relative take him in a cab to his father?

Get well soon @ovhalph

I've got disabled DC too and this is one of my worst fears. Although your grandmother is struggling I think you will just need to let her battle on a bit longer and try to rally your strength. Day nurse / lucozade helps.

I caught some horrible vomiting virus once when my DC was about 5yrs old. I ended up falling asleep on the bathroom floor somehow, found DC lead next to me in the morning and felt like the worst mum in the world.

They would expect that the father cares for his child. Foster care has to be agreed by both parties with PR

I think for your own sanity and health's sake you have to learn to park your guilt if your really poorly and let his dad/ your mum get on with it.
And turn the phone off and rest.
This comes from experience. You need a plan. People moan. Let them.