Are these symptoms of ADHD in an adult?

[FlorencePennnywell]

I asked this elsewhere but haven't had any responses so thought I'd cast my bet a little wider! Have copied and pasted it and would appreciate thoughts ..

1. Never been able to hold down a job. In 30 + years of working. Some jobs have lasted an hour, others 5 years but all end the same. I've had dozens and dozens and dozens of jobs. Either almost sacked, don't bother turning up, can't focus, don't want to be there, feel panicky when I'm there ( Resolved by working for myself!)

1. Useless with money. Started aged 18 when the bank manager actually turned up on the doorstep to confiscate my cheque guarantee card. Just cannot manage money (I get round this by earning enough now!)

1. Passions. A lifetime of cast off hobbies. I'll be passionate about something for a short while and then very quickly lose interest. Latest was a mini trampoline. Had to have the best one etc at a cost of £400. Used it once. This is one in a long line of 'things'

1. Feel very odd around people sometimes. Like I'm wearing a mask. I pitched for a job yesterday and got it. Lovely man and lovely company. Came away feeling sorry for them as 'I'll just mess this up.' It's not imposter syndrome though

On the flip side, I'm not a chaotic person. My home is very clean and tidy. My marriage is normal and I'm a decent parent who provides a nice stable home

It's irritating me now though so wondered if anyone has any thoughts for me

Bumping for you and hope you get some answers

In my experience, yes these are pretty clear symptoms of adhd. I was diagnosed last year and have similar issues but am also not a chaotic person, I lean towards inattentive adhd

Especially the hobbies for me! I have a long list of things I’ve bought every for them never done again. I say my hobby is collect hobbies now!

Yes possibly. Those things you list are classic ADHD symptoms. You could be hyperactive impulsive type (and therefore not have many of the inattentive, poor organisation symptoms).

You are me Florence

All I can say is: "Join the club"

I am ridiculously tidy and obsessive within the home in response to my insecurities, which are exactly as you have described.

My grown DC all voice their gratitude for how I kept the home, and my rigid ways of doing things.

My longest period of employment was working as a teacher, which I hung onto because I loved it.

Prior to that, I left every job I had, even my teenage pocket money job.

Re. other people: I absolutely KNOW that 95% + of people are lovely but I CAN'T stand being around them. Not their fault, mine.

I have come to terms with how I am.

Good wishes to you 🌷

I don't think I'd go as far as to getting tested. I'm 50 now and what would be the point?

But it just dawned on me, as I chatted with a friend recently, how I am just incapable of keeping a job. And how awkward I am around people. I don't like any of them this is all kept inside though and I try hard to hide it but I'm always having to 'act normal.'

But my husband is so 'normal' and friendly and nothing like me. My children the same I suppose. Eldest is very academic and in a really good career. I don't have mental health issues and my home is pristine

But I was really struck yesterday as I pitched for this job how I was 'acting' the part. He said how I was just what they were looking for and inwardly I sighed and thought 'I'm not at all. I'll just let you down ultimately'

But I'll try not to!

@InattentiveADHD i don't know if I'm hyperactive? I'm pretty lazy a lot of the time

I have a business partner and she's the glue that holds us together work wise. I'm the 'face' of our business as I'm articulate and charming so insecure the business yet she's the logistics and finances - I need chivvying up a lot and she's the reason I'm able to work for myself and why we flourish as a company

Thank you for your reply

@NorthernStruggler yes this sounds like me. My home is my pride and joy. My youngest is well into his teens and I have him organised to within an inch of his life. He has daily clean uniform, a well stocked pencil case, everything in its place.

So this makes me think ' I can't possibly have this stupid thing' but deep down I know I probably do

Yes, pretty much all of this rings true for me, and I have come to realise over the last year that I am on the ADHD / ASD spectrum. Like you, I have started working for myself and it has solved a lot of my problems. I don't like people either, bar a select few. Even them I can only tolerate for short periods of time.

The ND mumsnetters' board has been very helpful and enlightening for me.

Oh, and I am lazy a lot of the time too, but when I'm focused, I'm hyper-focused, I have more stamina than anyone and don't stop until either the project is finished or I burn out.

He said how I was just what they were looking for and inwardly I sighed and thought 'I'm not at all. I'll just let you down ultimately'

I get this! I really thought I was the only person who got this.

I'm 51 and have everything you described, exactly. I haven't been diagnosed (too scatty to sort that out) but I think my brother and mum have this too, and my kids.

Do you smoke? Most undiagnosed ADHD people will self medicate with stimulants, like cigarettes.

@DoingJustFine

I don't smoke and I don't drink alcohol. I don't look to any substances at all. However I do do something which is very risky, behaviour wise. I won't say what it is as I think it's irrelevant (err it's not extra curricular sex sadly 😀) but it's something most people probably don't do.

I'm just annoyed because I don't want to have 'anything'

I pride myself on just how normal I am. Which is ironic. A lot of this stuff is inward but it's irritating me as I've had so much potential and wasted it as I'm too .. weird .. to hold down some really amazing past jobs

Oh and you can't spot it in me. Not when you're taking to me. My work is very much in the public eye I suppose - lots of people 'know' me and none of them would know.

It's just annoying

@DoingJustFine you've got me thinking now. The risky behaviour thing I do .. I wonder if that's self medicating in a way?

@FlorencePennnywell sounds similar to me. I was diagnosed last year. Inattentive.
The hyperactive bit for me is my brain - I'm physically quite lazy.

My son was recently diagnosed with ADHD as an adult - we went private as he has been on waiting list of NHS adult adhd service 3 years already and it was ruining his uni degree without meds or support - covid restrictions wiped out a lot of his strategies

Within a few weeks you can get ADHD assessment and once stable on meds will revert to shared care with GP

Will cost about £1500-2000 in total - the assessment itself is large chunk of that as £750

www.adhdcentre.co.uk/adhd-centre-london/

They do the assessment virtually

You can't hint at a risky, exciting hobby then not say!

I was really into online poker for ages, till another player found my stats online and told me I'd lost £1,500 in 5 months. I'd been thinking I was quite good.

I pride myself on just how normal I am.

Start thinking of ADHD as a superpower because in many ways it is. You're likely to be BRILLIANT in emergencies, and very quick thinking, funny, great at ideas, adaptable, resourceful, amazing at improvising, good with words and turns of phrases, and have those periods of deep, deep focus when you lose yourself in something new/interesting.

I was also diagnosed as an adult - the stats are 3-5% of adult population has ADHD and this is spit evenly 50/50 between the sexes....and yet children are diagnosed one girl to every five boys. There is a huge number of people born as females not diagnosed until adults. And they suffer with their mental health in the meantime.
People think the H in ADHD stands for hyperactive behaviour...and it does but it also stands for hyperactive mind which is more typical of people born as females.

I've started out in several potentially amazing careers, but in all of them after a few years I got bored, or just sort of tangled up in my own head.

I started out immensely enthusiastic and felt, "this is it!", only to eventually get paranoid, or dislike everyone I work with. I'd wake up every day anxious about going into work, and then when it got too much I'd quit and start something new. When I look back, I've exhibited this pattern since I was a child, and did the same thing with schools and friendships.

I find it very easy to move on from both relationships and careers, bar a few friendships that have really stuck. But, I've been with my husband for ten years now, and I am working on a new career which feels like it fits the way my brain works better. We'll see if it all works out this time!

I think there are a lot of us around with undiagnosed stuff. I'm certain I'd be diagnosed with Aspergers if I was a child now. I realised when my son was being diagnosed that I ticked every single box too. But being female and academic I've managed to mask my way through life being just a bit quirky. My partner is likely ADHD. He does the hobby thing too. Obsessively puts something together until it's perfect then never touches it again. He has a fully working flight sim, and self built pinball machine gathering dust. Now he's working on a music studio, that I know he won't record a single song on. He constantly rearranges furniture, which sets my ASD off no end. It's all good fun 😂😂

@DoingJustFine ha yes, you describe me very well. I'm excellent in a crisis and very practically minded

@amylou8 he sounds both hilarious and absolutely infuriating

Yes it does sound likely. It will take an age to be diagnosed on the NHS.
My suggestion would be either private diagnosis and therapy/medication or adhd coach - you don’t need an official diagnosis for a coach.
These could help you keep your job, acknowledge your strengths, mitigate your weaknesses. And ultimately keep you job.

Welcome to the club, I feel like I should offer up a secret handshake.😆

I read a recent stat that said around 40% of ADHD’ers also have Autism. I went to the trouble of ruling it out, convinced I only had ADHD only to walk away with my pick and mix of ND!