Are these symptoms of ADHD in an adult?

[FlorencePennnywell]

I asked this elsewhere but haven't had any responses so thought I'd cast my bet a little wider! Have copied and pasted it and would appreciate thoughts ..

1. Never been able to hold down a job. In 30 + years of working. Some jobs have lasted an hour, others 5 years but all end the same. I've had dozens and dozens and dozens of jobs. Either almost sacked, don't bother turning up, can't focus, don't want to be there, feel panicky when I'm there ( Resolved by working for myself!)

1. Useless with money. Started aged 18 when the bank manager actually turned up on the doorstep to confiscate my cheque guarantee card. Just cannot manage money (I get round this by earning enough now!)

1. Passions. A lifetime of cast off hobbies. I'll be passionate about something for a short while and then very quickly lose interest. Latest was a mini trampoline. Had to have the best one etc at a cost of £400. Used it once. This is one in a long line of 'things'

1. Feel very odd around people sometimes. Like I'm wearing a mask. I pitched for a job yesterday and got it. Lovely man and lovely company. Came away feeling sorry for them as 'I'll just mess this up.' It's not imposter syndrome though

On the flip side, I'm not a chaotic person. My home is very clean and tidy. My marriage is normal and I'm a decent parent who provides a nice stable home

It's irritating me now though so wondered if anyone has any thoughts for me

Oh god @SpaceRaiders - i don't feel autistic?! However I don't feel ADHD. I thought I was completely and utterly neuro typical due to how I parent, how I keep my home and how a large part of my life is non chaotic

Then I think about all the times I've run up debts in my past. How I wouldn't pay things until charges had heaped upon charges. How I cannot hold down a job so I've had no choice but to work for myself.

The new work I've taken on (new client) ...well, it's perfect for me. I work in social media and I'm successful on the one hand. And also, it's not perfect for me because he mentioned using Microsoft and I thought 'what's that? You know what it is! I can't do it! Yes you can! I'll just go quiet and pretend this didn't happen and I didn't take on this job'

And on it goes! Fear of looking stupid etc

And I'm genuinely not hiding my light under a bushel here. I become paralysed when I don't know something.

@Lavendersummer I need to learn how to keep work, yes. My best friend laughs and says 'it's just you and your shit work ethic!'

Maybe it is? For all of my life. I've climbed out of windows at work to escape, I've been sacked, I've been disciplined countless times, I skive, I've walked out, I've felt panic that it's 9am and I have to stay here until 5pm and I overwhelmingly know I can't do it. I've been unable to get on with some people, I can't work as part of a team.

So I solved it in the main by setting up my own company. And you know the weirdest thing? I'm the best at what I do in the whole of the UK more or less. So how does that work?! Madness!

As part of a new job I've taken on, I have to spend 8 hours a week in an office. I suppose I'm sort of freelancing for them if you like.

Already I'm tense! Because all that will go through my head is 'am I behaving and interacting normally?' and I'll feel the familiar feeling of being all .. stifled. Having to follow their rules etc

I'm clearly just mad

I have all of those except I am not neat and tidy.

@CheerfulYank I'm a bit of a neat freak! And organised in my home. My youngest is 15 and I'll still make sure he has a fresh uniform for school every day and it's out every night over the bannister along with his pants and socks and packed bag!

Well that’s good! :) I DO have ADHD too, I should have mentioned that.

I’m working on extreme minimalism because I feel it’s the only way I’ll ever be tidy, but that’s a long hard slog.

I’m happy to answer any questions you like as well! I’m at work and just was written up recently for being on my phone too much 😂 So I might not respond for another hour or so.

@CheerfulYank ha! That brings back memories. I had a job once that was interesting and I loved it. Messed it up by phoning my friends from work constantly - knowing full well all calls were recorded. Oh and also hanging up on incoming callers if I deemed the call might be too tricky for me

I was 34 ffs.

How did you go about being diagnosed and what difference does having it made official make to you? And please - don't answer this until after work!

OP- I relate to a lot of what you’re saying.

One of the traits of ASD in females is ‘masking’. Feeling like you can’t quite fit in the rules.

ADD/ADHD and ASD can often go hand in hand.

One of my DC is ND. All round awesome human.

@latelydaydreams I don't fit the rules, no. But not only that, I actually feel that they shouldn't apply to me. And no, this isn't something I outwardly vocalise of course!

Yes all signs. As is lateness, disorganised, life and soul of party and shy introvert. Struggle to accept change. Issues around food. Inability to see others perspective. There are quizzes online you could try.

Not official- obviously but found it enlightening.

embrace-autism.com/topics/psychometric-tests/autism-tests/

I’m waiting for assessment, it’s a relief to understand some of my behaviours (I’m 55). We’re all neuro diverse in our house, 2 dcs with asd and adhd, myself with suspected adhd and dh with dyspraxia.

Op I think the fact that your questioning it, is often a sign of ND. I too didn’t “feel” Autistic/ ADHD for 37 years because I became so good at masking until I no longer wasn’t. I was finally diagnosed last week and now it all makes sense.

I still haven’t fully accepted it. I asked my psych. after a long, intense 4 day diagnostic session “How do you know you haven’t made a mistake?” She looked at me and smiled, apparently that’s a very common reaction for late diagnosed Autistics.

I haven’t been employed since I was 24, I simply can’t hold down a job, the environment is too overstimulating, I also have auditory processing disorder. On a particularly bad day, I lip read as my brain just can’t process audio. My business is thriving, I’m a company director so with the right support/accommodations anything is possible.

Anyways I can’t even remember the point I was trying to make!🫢

I casually clicked on this thread but I have all of these.

The anxiety and paranoia definitely, and getting bored about hobbies etc.

Terrible with money and almost pathological inability to get things done.

This sounds like a well developed coping technique

@Ballcactus ah yes, it could well be! I feel just fine when everything is how I like it - blazer has to be in a certain place with the tie clipped to it and I'm twitchy about his books being packed. I also never ever forget to top up his lunch account and I change his bed twice a week.

I do not have OCD though, I am just keen for everything to be clean and tidy and right?

But that makes me think it doesn't fit with ADHD but I can't possibly be on the autistic spectrum because I genuinely don't feel it

@SpaceRaiders did you go private to be assessed? I think I can understand your disbelief. I'd wonder if I'd deliberately over exaggerated my symptoms I think.

I mean, after all, it's very possible for someone to be shit with money, have a dreadful work ethic and not great with people - as in, find them all an effort - and be NT isn't it?

I was speaking to my best friend about this and remembered something quite funny

When our youngest kids were at primary, we'd both turn up to collect them. We are business partners so we'd have spoken on and off all day anyway about work etc

Anyway we'd both turn up and she'd be outside the class with the other mums, waiting for the kids to out

Me? I'd be at the top of the field, where I'd wait and wave to my child. Because I didn't want to stand with other people, I felt no need to speak to my best friend in person and I just couldn't be bothered with it all 😀

She'd often tell me I was just weird and rude but now I wonder about it. Seemed entirely normal to me at the time!

Sounds like classic adhd to me. A lot of ppl with adhd are highly successful entrepreneurs. Have a look at www.additudemag.com just don’t get too obsessed!

@Lavendersummer and that's what I am! An entrepreneur. Always have been in some form or other.

I'll take a look at that link, thanks

Now, I just quickly did that quiz and I don't trigger as anything of concern

I don't lose things, I don't live in clutter, I don't feel moody or hopeless and have no mood swings. I don't have physical symptoms and I don't have lots of physical or mental energy!

Work wise, I'll do fuck all for a week though and suddenly, I'll wake up and have a day where I'm full of ideas, ticking off a huge to do list and feeling all accomplished!

I hear you on that. I’ve never been great with people, give me an empty library any day!

I had similar issues as you described, I collated. ring-binder full of studies, articles that resonated, mainly from the US, on how it presents in women etc. I wrote a 5 page list of all the things I was struggling with. Issues with Auditory processing, cognitive functioning issue, executive function issues etc. I finally plucked up the courage to approach my Gp after a particularly bad spell of what I now know to be burnout. GP said I was depressed gave me pills and sent me on my way.

This happened multiple times with different GP’s over 10 years, medication never worked, CBT was useless. Then earlier this year my communication style led to me loosing a long standing client, I was mortified! Their feedback was that I was rude. I of course was left completely confused, I was always polite but firm when they tried to bend payment terms.

I thought enough is enough. Went back to the GP for ADHD, I was fobbed off yet again. So I went private. I thought by process of elimination, I’d rule out Autism. My brain had other ideas! I secured an appointment within 4 months and a diagnosis within a week. She flagged some other things she recommended me looking into, but for now I don’t feel it’s necessary.

I felt utterly relieved to finally have the answers, but equally angry that my concerns had been dismissed for so long by multiple Gp’s. Has it changed anything? No not really. It’ll take me a long time to ever consider myself disabled, I’ve realised that I perhaps hold some unconscious bias there that I need to unpick. I would definitely recommend diagnosis if you feel it would be helpful to give your ND a name.

Look up Nancy Doyle and spiky profiles!

i have ASD and really resonate with this- one day I can’t even speak, function, wash or dress myself or leave the house independently because my executive function is so bad.

the next day I make it in to work and solve major problems on one of the world’s largest corporation’s IT systems, because I have a completely unique ability to “think outside the box”

I like spoon theory to describe coping levels . Some days I have 6 spoons, spoon have 2 spoons so I have to be a bit kinder.

Did you try the Aspie Quiz?

It’s 120ish questions.
You’ll get a spider profile at the end.

You may not be ASD, but you may have AS traits. You may not have AS traits, it may well be ADHD.

Either way, if you’re finding things tough, a bit more digging might help you discover some ways to manage things that make life less exhausting.