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Original poster

Kid regrets.

55 replies

Diamondeyes1 · 09/08/2022 19:57

I know I'll get slammed for this but I really regret becoming a mother. He's almost 5 and I'm really trying but it's just hard work. He's not hard work just motherhood is. He's actually really good. Split with his dad when he was 1.5. He is involved but all on his terms so I can never plan anything as he only gives me his shifts a week or so in advance. I see childfree people and I'm jealous

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Original poster
Diamondeyes1 · 09/08/2022 19:59

And I had fertility treatment to have him and I feel guilty he's an only child with literally no relatives

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Original poster
Diamondeyes1 · 09/08/2022 20:25

Anyone ???

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Passtherioja · 09/08/2022 20:33

I'm here!!

Have you felt like this since he was born or just more recently?

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Families
Original poster
Diamondeyes1 · 09/08/2022 20:35

On and off for a long time. Wasn't too bad during covid for some reason. My partner keeps asking what's wrong but I can't tell him.

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Original poster
Diamondeyes1 · 09/08/2022 20:36

Its like I don't want him to grow up at the same time.

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TorviShieldMaiden · 09/08/2022 20:37

Stop organising contact around his shifts. If he is working during his contact he needs to arrange childcare.

Original poster
Diamondeyes1 · 09/08/2022 20:38

That will never happen tori and could result in my child being looked after by god knows who.

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Passtherioja · 09/08/2022 20:42

I had several lots of IVF to get my two children and then split when they were almost 2 and 4-I think that whole process takes more out of you than you think then the dad is off doing their own thing and the mums are left with the babies-I understand why you're frustrated.

If I were you I'd speak to your partner, if he knows how you feel he may be able to do something exciting yet last minute if you don't know your exs rota until quite late-there must be some sort of pattern to it surely?

I don't think mums talk about these feelings enough-we see too much sugar coated family life on social media and end up feeling inadequate but I reckon most mums have a "why the fuck did I do this!!?" moment every now and then (and sometimes fit quite long periods of time!)

Original poster
Diamondeyes1 · 09/08/2022 20:42

And I feel guilty.

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Original poster
Diamondeyes1 · 09/08/2022 20:43

My ex has met someone so he reckons he will be doing more but we will see. I didn't want to marry him but I was too scared to pull out.

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HSKAT · 09/08/2022 20:45

I feel you.

I had IVF for my son and some days I think Christ this is bloody hard. But when I go in to check on him before bed and I see him so beautiful and peaceful I could squeeze him.
IVF has affected me in a lot of ways still to do this day 4 years on but I can't pin point what it is?

Motherhood is hard op, hardest thing I have ever ever done. I think we do miss our old lives, doing what we wanted when we wanted. That's normal.
And I think when you've split, your the sole carer and everything is on you, it's shit.

I would speak to your partner, it's important to talk.

Regarding your ex, no pattern to his shifts? Does his parents see your son? Do they help?

Original poster
Diamondeyes1 · 09/08/2022 20:47

His parent sees my son but is too old to look after him. My parents are good . I don't even know why I dislike it.

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Original poster
Diamondeyes1 · 09/08/2022 20:47

He was also born early. I was under alot of stress during my pregnancy.

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FlyingSaucerss · 09/08/2022 20:56

I feel the same but lots won’t admit it, my ex doesn’t see our kids at all though so I never get a break, seriously wish I had stayed child free!

Original poster
Diamondeyes1 · 09/08/2022 21:00

I looked at a pic 10 years ago and I was pretty. Now I'm over 10 stone.

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UnboxedThoughts · 09/08/2022 21:04

Not enjoying motherhood is probably the biggest taboo there is. But it's really common and normal.

Original poster
Diamondeyes1 · 09/08/2022 21:12

My mum hated it too. She made it obvious

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RadFad · 09/08/2022 21:22

I've felt like this a lot recently. It's really bloody hard and I love my children so much but that doesn't stop me feeling like I've made a mistake. Not just for me to be child free but for them to have me as a mother. I'm not the mother I hoped I would be.

Original poster
Diamondeyes1 · 09/08/2022 21:26

Same radfad xx

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Original poster
Diamondeyes1 · 09/08/2022 21:27

Everything g is such an effort. I have to ve everything to everyone.

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loveslife · 09/08/2022 21:31

Surely your ex could tell his work 'I can't work Wednesdays and Saturdays as that's the days I have ds' is that not what most people do? At least that way you'd both get some stability

Original poster
Diamondeyes1 · 09/08/2022 21:32

He just won't do that.

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Original poster
Diamondeyes1 · 09/08/2022 21:33

I'm 36 i'm too old to start again

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Olivemitteridge · 09/08/2022 21:39

Can you talk to anyone? Any good friends you can share with, and be honest with? I find this does help. Having to present a cheery coping face all the time is mind numbingly awful.

You are definitely not alone OP. Lone parenting is relentless at times, and unrewarding. Sounds so trite but I try and focus on the good stuff e.g healthy child, no longer have to live with shitty ex, I get to make the decisions, spend how I like, etc etc.

Olivemitteridge · 09/08/2022 21:40

Btw, I left and started again at 44. New city, new job, new friends, the lot. 36 is young.

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