Kid regrets.

[Diamondeyes1]

I know I'll get slammed for this but I really regret becoming a mother. He's almost 5 and I'm really trying but it's just hard work. He's not hard work just motherhood is. He's actually really good. Split with his dad when he was 1.5. He is involved but all on his terms so I can never plan anything as he only gives me his shifts a week or so in advance. I see childfree people and I'm jealous

I dont want to be my mother

You aren't your mother, you are you, and being a single parent with an arsehole for an ex is really difficult. It sounds as though you are in a hopeless and depressed mind set and it might be worth talking to your GP. Your ex is controlling you through his refusal to let you know his shifts in advance. Do you have a court order in place?

No court order. Its not worth the hassle

I have 3 DCs my ExH found them too much hard work and he disappeared financially and physically

Never planned to be a lone parent and two of my DCs have SEN so a tad of a challenge! I work. I do it on my own as family live 3 hours drive away

I realised that I was support after, they are the stars in the show , I am sideline support. It does get easier and theee will be plenty of ppl in similar situation to be great support to each other , you just haven't found them yet

But I love my DCs and have done it all on my own

I'm sorry you are having a hard time. Your Ds will be wonderful and get easier as he gets older - (if it's not sexist to say this 🙃 many boys are harder when younger and easier as they get older now girls.., teenage girls that's a big emotional challenge!) you need to pull in support that you can.

(My youngest was 6 months and oldest of 3 was 5 when my XH decided he didn't want to be a parent anymore )

I just want to go back 10 years.

You're his sole parent and your beautiful little boy must love you so much momma you're his whole world.
You don't regret having him, you just miss the lifestyle you had before as we all do. But over the years your bond will continue to strengthen and he will be your best friend in the whole wide world and his dad is missing out on it all through his own choices which one day he will realise he fucked up. You will be happy and more free again and it'll come round sooner than you think. He's getting more independent every day and it'll get easier for you and you'll still be young 😘
He kind to yourself you're doing an amazing job xx

I feel the need to have another child but j can't hack it.

If I have another it'll extend my years of being trapped.

Ivs just read a thread from a pregnant woman who feels no excitement and only dread towqrds having her baby. That's how i felt.

Is anyone there?

I actually considered killing myself to get out of the marriage

OP I am so sorry to hear you are feeling so awful. Please call some family or friends or even the Samaritans.

I know it feels hopeless. I felt the same when abandoned with two babies. It has been hard, very hard. But each year gets slightly easier. You have clearly been through trauma and had no time or space to yourself to recover.

Single parents get nowhere near enough credit for what they do and nowhere near enough support. Motherhood is HARD and when everything is on you financially, practically, emotionally, it takes a huge toll.

You matter, as well as your son. You need support. Have you spoken to your GP? Therapy may help a lot. You can also self-refer to SS and tell them you need help.

😓

Please speak to someone. GP, Samaritans, family or a friend. You WILL come out the other end through all of this a much stronger woman and the best mom ever to your boy.
Get some sleep and rest OP. Thinking of you xxx

I've phoned my partner. He's going to think im mental.

You're not mental. You are struggling and need support. Please do call the Samaritans if you are still awake and still feeling this way, and call your GP in the morning.

What did your partner say? Are they there nowtk support you?

Am 39/childfree & it's not uncommon on CF boards to read posts from other mothers who feel just like the OP.

Personally, it seems to be quite prevalent amongst IVF parents which is understandable when you think about it.

You've gone to so much effort financially/health wise just to have the baby that motherhood is built up in your mind as this pinnacle, a goal to strive for that once you achieve you will feel complete in life.

It's drilled into us socially that motherhood is the biggest achievement a woman can have & if you aren't a parent your life is missing something.

The reality is that parenting is often stressful, infuriating & drudgery, with some lovely bits sprinkled in.

Once the child is born you are going to face the exact same struggles & issues that anybody else does. Your life isn't automatically wonderful just because you have a baby in tow.

This realisation must come as a massive shock & lead some IVF mums into feeling regret.

Then the situation is exacerbated because the poor woman feels like she can't voice her feelings, because others will point out how they are wrong to feel the way they do because they went to so much effort to get pregnant in the first place.

I think more should be done to communicate to those seeking IVF that motherhood not a cure all & will not automatically lead to a happy & fulfilled life. That maybe this is the world's way of telling you that motherhood may not be your path in life & that's OK!

How are you feeling this morning ?

I'm OK thanks. Dreading work but got to go in so I will

My partner doesn't want kids.

It’s the lack of free time and relentless work. If you can, try to do some hobbies, make mum friends and have one night out a month. I used to get mine to paint, sculpt with clay, carve wood etc and do it as well- it was very relaxing.