Can I change my attitude towards sleep?

[Deadharm]

I remember coming on here years ago, hating mornings and asking if anyone could help change my mindset. It only went and worked and I've been good with mornings ever since.

Wondering if the same could be said for sleep. I have real issue with being woken up or if I don't get enough sleep. Which is difficult atm as I have a small baby whose sleep is shit.

For reference, my ex used sleep deprivation as a form of abuse for 13 years. As a result I am now unable to sleep without earplugs, and I get angry when woken from my sleep.

Can I somehow change this attitude? If so, oh wise women of MN...how?

I would also ask for a complete physical health check, iron levels, all the vitamins including B & D, thyroid - absolute "full works"

This is the mindset I am aiming for

My iron levels were low when pregnant so I wouldn't be surprised if they still are.

I am vit D deficient and I have my capsules by the kettle but I am so tired all the time I forget to take them. I will put reminder on my phone

I felt dreadful when anaemic and equally dreadful when vitamin D deficient without it being both!

I would recommend getting some floradix from Holland & Barret to take as well as iron tablets for a month or so to help boost things. It contains all the vitamins and minerals to help absorb the iron.

Will definitely get some floradix

I had a 2 hour nap earlier and felt better but still the underlying ache of tiredness.

I agree with those who recommend a sleep study. Sounds like you're beyond regular tired. My friend lost 18 months of her life to pretty much sleeping. She would literally sleep 20 to 22 hours a day every day. She's since been diagnosed with narcolepsy and a whole host of other conditions after a long battle. She has medication now to actually keep her awake during the day.

7 hours of sleep is pretty good!

I think what I would do is..
Wake everyday at 7am, set an alarm, and then get out of bed as soon as the alarm is going off. This means you're in control of when your getting up, it will take some time to get used to it but your body will adjust.

That way, your not laying in bed being angry and having negative/intrusive thoughts about what more sleep you could have had.

I'd maybe get into a routine of showering every morning as soon as the alarm has gone off or having a cup of tea/coffee.

It sounds as though your ruminating about sleep.
Just accept whatever sleep you get and crack on.
When you get negative thoughts about the sleep you have or haven't had then just bat them away in your head as negative/unnecessary thoughts.

Woah that's unreal, your poor friend. Its good they were able to help. Yeah j think I need to go to a sleep clinic...

If insent an alarm before baby gets up, I'd set it for 5.30...which wouldn't usually be a problem but he is so wakeful between 12am and 6.30...if I got up and left the room he'd wake and cry as I wouldn't be there to put in his dummy or reach out to gold his hand etc...

Sorry so many typos etc

...

Tired 😫

Take the vitamin ! How deficient are you? My levels were low (12) and I was bone crushingly tired all the time, even after a full nights sleep.

I was prescribed a very high dose (20,000 iu) daily for a month, and then I take 300iu daily daily now . Game changer.

Took about 6 weeks for it to kick in. I felt like a new woman when it did.

Vitamin D!

and 3000 iu daily

gah

No help at all , but would love to see the morning thread as im so rubbish in the mornings and always have been , I want to become a morning person so I can get uo
and work out but it NEVER happens . Good luck to you.

I can't remember how deficient I am...I need to look into it again. I am hopeful this will help.

The morning thread I did was 10 years ago! I looked for it but can't find it but if you search "morning person" a similar thread comes up might be helpful.

The things I remember from my thread was to set my alarm for before baby woke, do I could enjoy time by myself (I ised to smoke so I'd make a cuppa and have a morning cig in the garden), also to prep the night before...fill the kettle and put a tea bag in a cup. Have a croissant waiting. Fluffy slippers and dressing gown. Basically make the mornings about you time

Have you tried the Calm App? Their sleep stories usually get new drifting off. That, and grated nutmeg warm milk.

My more woo suggestion would be telling yourself before you go to sleep that you're allowed to sleep, you will sleep and you will be well-rested when you wake. Visualise yourself feeling refreshed in the morning, and give yourself permission to get to that point. As I said, woo. But sleep has obviously gone from being your safe spot which was forceably taken from you by your ex (leaving you nowhere to relax and heal each day) to now being a place you don't trust and can't allow yourself to trust because you fear being woken by your baby. So I'm thinking that if you tell yourself that actually you can trust you'll be safe there and it will do you good it might help.

(sorry, I'm aware that sounds like a load of bs. It sounds better in my head!)

Not woo...actually very helpful. You're right I don't feel safe with sleep anymore. I'm glad you spelled it out for me. Visualisation is also something I believe in so I will definitely practice this

Baby isn't helping tonight...he's been fighting sleep since 8pm. Took him on walk...Still fighting. Husband has brought him up but I can hear him cooing away...oh gawd looks like it'll be a long night

I’m chronic anaemic as well as very low vit d and one of the b vitamins. I’m certain that’s the reason for my fatigue, even my fatigue sounds nothing as extreme as yours! I’ve been this way since my teens. What doesn’t help is the fact that I’ve never been able to nap through the day, no matter how tired I am!
To me your symptoms don’t sound like they are entirely down to deficiencies, perhaps that contributes , but I think there’s something else going on like anxiety or something.

Make the evenings about you time just like the mornings. As a soon as baby is napping at any time or at bed time do the following

• morning prep
• Face mask
• Spray bedroom with lavender
• Open one window in the bedroom
• Brush hair

-put on pyjamas

• yoga
• peaceful music from you tube throughout the home
• lamps only on if lights required
• snuggle pillow
• weighted blanket
• eat healthy but allow treats in moderation
• no caffeine after 4pm
• bath or shower
• read a book
• watch tv if you have to but no later than an hour or two before you want to go to bed and make sure it something funny
• Blue light reflector glasses - trust me
• humidifier
• ensure house ins clean or at the least tidy so you don't feel cluttered
• talk to friends and family
• exercise to tire yourself
• tell yourself you are safe and to relax
• look up relaxation techniques free on you tube
• do not engage with annoy one who is negative or negative news story's etc especially close to bed
• try singing in the day
• skin to skin with baby as much as possible
• every week have a test like a takeaway, a pamper day, but a new top just anything to cheer you up
• get a hobby
• don't drink alcohol it's a depressive
• if your mind runs into thoughts you don't want tell you brain you don't want those thoughts and focus on something else

Good luck OP

What a wonderful list!

Have gone through and I already do about 9 or 10 of those things but there are ones that are important that don't apply...drinking alcohol, earing healthily, reading a book, exercise,watching TV before bed...these are key things I need to adapt. Thank you so much it's really useful and interesting to read this list

I think you're absolutely spot on. I thin I definitely have deficiencies. I remember being diagnosed anemic as a teen. Maybe I should get tested again. As PP said, an MOT would be useful to get to any root of a problem.

But yes...anxiety around sleep is also very real.

Oddly, last night I hardly slept at all...ds is teething...and I felt better this morning than I did after 6 hours sleep the night before...wtf is that about

Hopefully you are asleep OP. Let us know how things go

Thank you for thinking of me

Staying at the in laws. Dh came through during ds 2am feed and we swapped so I could sleep until he went to work at 6am. So I got 4 hours.

I am still incredibly tired. My mil and fil are so helpful, they have taken ds for a walk, I could take a nap but again, whats the point when I'll only have to get up again. I have that hole in my stomach feeling and a headache. I hope they don't judge me because even with all the help, I am still tired. I know they don't judge me because they are good people. I guess I have unresolved issues with my ex, he would always call me lazy (after keeping me up every night and making me crazy with sleep deprivation)

I didn't drink my glass of wine and I didn't touch my phone once last night, its not made any difference to how tired I feel but I will continue for a few days and see if there is any improvement. I'm going to contact my gp today and book an appointment.

I am so bored of feeling like this. I'm embarrassed because I get help and still I am tired. I hate that this is an issue and topic of conversation every. Single. Fucking. Day.

Your amazing OP. You have to be pleased with yourself because despite feeling like rubbish your still attempting to improve how you are feeling. It's great you have a supportive family, but as for the tiredness it's going to take a while for you to catch up and understandably so. Life is hard enough without going through awful things with your ex. Don't let your ex destroy your future. Bring a strong person is about admitting when your struggling and reaching out. How are things going?

I have no advice for sleep but B12 supplements, berocca etc could give you some healthy energy throughout the day and help you cope better with bad sleep nights