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Original poster

I absolutely hate being a mum!

65 replies

Shittestmother · 04/08/2022 16:52

I feel like a fucking shit mother for feeling like this and even worse for screaming it to me kids in a moment of utter despair.

You'd think they're young babies and toddlers but no they're not. They're 10,9, 5. They were horrendous as babies. I shudder thinking about those days and what I went through.

Right now, they do nothing but watch TV, make mess, constantly fight, eat junk and follow me around everywhere.

I go into a room to make a zoom call and they are banging on the door when Ive already told them I'm in a meeting. It won't be long, just a quick 15 minutes that's all I ask but even that's too much for them.

The sound of constant bickering is driving me insane, the incessant whiny call of mummy every 5 minutes makes me what to scream.

I can't get a moment of peace. I'm on my own, juggling then and working from home and I'm exhausted by lunchtime.

It's getting me so so down. I don't enjoy being with them anymore. I just want to run away and massively regret having them.

This isn't just because it's the school hols. It's like this all the time. I've got them booked on clubs from next week and they have been whining about that since the start of the hols.

I feel like a shit mum, like where did I fucking go wrong with this.

OP posts:
ChocoButterfly · 04/08/2022 16:55

How come they haven't been at holiday club so far?

Anyone would find looking after 3 children and working difficult.

Echobelly · 04/08/2022 16:55

I'm sure someone will be along with proper advice, but please don't do yourself down. Three kids, one still very young, is a lot of work on your own.

Are there things the older ones could to take strain of you a bit? Do they can their own snacks? Can they make a sandwich so that if you really can't be fucked with lunch/dinner they can do that for themselves? Because the whole meal thing is such a grind, if there's ways you can make them do it themselves at least sometimes, that's one thing off your back.

Original poster
Shittestmother · 04/08/2022 17:01

They went last week and this week they went to a sports one where the other kids were absolutely awful swearing racist and homophobic slurs. They hated it so I pulled them out.

The thing is when they come home it's the same.

They do nothing around the house, if I don't give them food they eat junk, they're just lazy. If I ask them to hoover I get a tirade of why do I have to do, he never does it, I didn't make this mess, I did it last time and then someone else chimes in and before you know it another argument so it's just easier to do it myself.

OP posts:
Lottieskeeper · 04/08/2022 17:02

I totally understand, I only have 2 there 3 and 6.
And I don't work and have a helpful husband that really does his bit but I really don't think I'm cut out for parenting.

Its really relentless and thankless and I just don't like kids. I thought I would like my own but no they're arseholes too.
I do love them and absolutely would not wish them harm. But I can't stand there company. Especially the holidays without any help or family in put or any actual holidays coming.

All I can offer is solidarity.

takeitandleaveit · 04/08/2022 17:06

Time to go on strike then.

No meals unless they do as they are told. And they can't eat junk if you don't buy any. No crisps, snacks, chocolate, cakes, sweets, ice cream in the house. No washing done unless they put their stuff in the laundry basket. Batteries confiscated from gadgets.

Sit them round the table and read them the riot act.

Whatwouldnanado · 04/08/2022 17:28

Agree it's riot act time. If you can't do your job there'll be no money for anything, they need to think about you for a change. Help them set up a fair way to split the chores into a rota, taking turns whatever. Make a plan to get out for at least part of every day eg walk to the park, ice cream. But they have to earn it by getting the jobs done. Do they have friends nearby and are their parents trying to work from home too? Having a houseful of other people's kids one day so I could be child free another worked well for me.

bubblescoop · 04/08/2022 17:29

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Toloveandtowork · 04/08/2022 17:54

Bubbkescoop, are you deliberately trying to make the OP feel worse?
What you say isn't correct anyway.
In the book I'm okay, you're a Brat, Susan Jefferies cites studies showing that parents have a limited influence on how children turn out.

I agree OP, it's absolutely shit. I'm a single parent to two, age 15 and 11. Over the years, I have thought that being virtually imprisoned and performing free labour 24/7 should be a human rights issue. Not to mention the cost, the lack of privacy, very little freedom, the drudgery, the responsibility, annoyance etc. Surely it causes PTSD which I think a lot of mothers get but don't reàlise.

Bubbafly · 04/08/2022 18:21

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Ohhh wind yer neck in, how the hell is that helpful. Pure bullshit.

Dotcheck · 04/08/2022 18:30

Right now, they do nothing but watch TV, make mess, constantly fight, eat junk and follow me around everywhere

But OP DOES have control over much of that. The TV doesn’t have to be on. Don’t LET them eat so much junk.
I have no doubt this feels horrible, but you are not completely helpless here

AussieMozzieMagnet · 04/08/2022 18:32

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Agree 100%

abovedecknotbelow · 04/08/2022 18:32

I get you.

HailAdrian · 04/08/2022 18:36

No advice but solidarity. Today my (autistic) son has run away from me in public, thrown stuff at me, covered me in bruises, basically brought me to tears for most of the day. It's fucking shit sometimes.

bubblescoop · 04/08/2022 18:59

Bubbafly · 04/08/2022 18:21

Ohhh wind yer neck in, how the hell is that helpful. Pure bullshit.

Show quote history

No honey, it’s not bullshit. The way you raise your kids affects their behaviour.

You should at the very least raise them to be people you and others like.

ThinkingForEveryone · 04/08/2022 18:59

Bubblescoop isn't wrong though, she could have been a little less blunt but the message would have been the same.
If they are eating too much junk, stop buying it.
Teach them how to make an easy lunch and let them get on with it.
Don't back down on the chores , they know if they argue about it long enough you'll do it.
You are not helpless OP. You just need to remind them who is in charge.

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 04/08/2022 19:08

My eldest is 5, so maybe I am being too lenient on the elder 2, but would a timer help? Time is very abstract for young kids, so perhaps they can't judge time very well. Could you say.

'Right folks, Mummy is not available until the timer beeps. You must only come and disturb me if it is a dangerous situation.'

'When the timer goes off [at a time that suits you] I will come and make lunch.'

Put out a fruit bowl and 'boring' snacks for the in between times.

'If you follow the timer rule all week, we can have or you can do on Saturday'

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 04/08/2022 19:10

Also, you are not a shit Mum. Is there other parent around? Can they take some of the strain?

ChocoButterfly · 04/08/2022 20:50

They went last week and this week they went to a sports one where the other kids were absolutely awful swearing racist and homophobic slurs. They hated it so I pulled them out.
You clearly are a good mum for caring about their environment.

If I ask them to hoover I get a tirade of why do I have to do, he never does it, I didn't make this mess, I did it last time and then someone else chimes in and before you know it another argument so it's just easier to do it myself.

I think I routine would really help here so they expect it. So like every Monday Billy Hoover's. Tell them how it's going to be at the beginning of the week and why they have to do it. And then when it comes round to it you don't ask them you just say OK now it's time for you to do the hoovering.

IncompleteSenten · 04/08/2022 20:54

Remove all junk food from the house (temporarily). They can't eat it if it isn't there

Allocate each of them a chore that is theirs. Eg one of them has to hoover, one has to load the dishwasher, one has to tidy toys away, that sort of thing.

Just think of a couple of little changes that might help you. You aren't a shit mum.

Endlesslypatient82 · 04/08/2022 20:55

Are you trying to WFH with your 3 young children at home at the same time?

Endlesslypatient82 · 04/08/2022 20:56

Because if you are - it’s no wonder you’re highly stressed.

User48751490 · 04/08/2022 20:58

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Please show some tact....

Endlesslypatient82 · 04/08/2022 21:05

Whilst I do agree to a great extent @bubblescoop

there’s a time and a place for “tough” words and I’d hazard a guess - that OP not in the right frame of mind for what she probably knows is the truth. She just came on looking for support before probably flaking in bed.

Nimello · 04/08/2022 21:06

OP, you are not a shit mum. For starters, if you were a shit mum, you'd have told them they were going to the racist/homophobic holiday club which they hated, come what may.

However, I'm not sure that the problem is your children per se. I think it's more that you are trying to work while they're around. When my children were those ages, I did something with them most days during the summer holidays - because otherwise, they were a bloody nightmare. They needed to be outside, running around, preferably with other children (as they were always more tolerable when there were other people around). The one thing that was absolutely guaranteed to make them suddenly start arguing/whining/pushing/shoving was if I was trying to do anything else remotely useful (like make a phone call). I could just about get away with it if I set them up in advance with each child having a specific thing to do (or a reward if they were quiet while I made my phone call) - but it's not realistic to think that primary aged children will just sit quietly while you work.

I absolutely loved being with my children and was fortunate enough not to need to work, but I'd have been a "shit mum" as well if I'd tried to work from home when they were those ages.

Goldbar · 04/08/2022 21:08

You're trying to parent and work at the same time. I sometimes have to do that for short periods with 1 DC... I hate it too but at least my DC has no one to bicker with 😅. Normally I just hand over screens/turn on TV and take a very lax approach to snacks so I can get the work done. It makes me feel like a shit parent and DC's behaviour does go majorly downhill from lack of attention. There may be longer term issues and you may have to get tough, but I think you need to accept that this week is an unpleasant aberration (3 bored kids, one very little, and a stressed mum) so you're doing well just keeping everyone fed and safe until the weekend. Just chuck screens and whatever their way and wait till next week to go all sergeant-major on them.