Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

I absolutely hate being a mum!

65 replies

Shittestmother · 04/08/2022 16:52

I feel like a fucking shit mother for feeling like this and even worse for screaming it to me kids in a moment of utter despair.

You'd think they're young babies and toddlers but no they're not. They're 10,9, 5. They were horrendous as babies. I shudder thinking about those days and what I went through.

Right now, they do nothing but watch TV, make mess, constantly fight, eat junk and follow me around everywhere.

I go into a room to make a zoom call and they are banging on the door when Ive already told them I'm in a meeting. It won't be long, just a quick 15 minutes that's all I ask but even that's too much for them.

The sound of constant bickering is driving me insane, the incessant whiny call of mummy every 5 minutes makes me what to scream.

I can't get a moment of peace. I'm on my own, juggling then and working from home and I'm exhausted by lunchtime.

It's getting me so so down. I don't enjoy being with them anymore. I just want to run away and massively regret having them.

This isn't just because it's the school hols. It's like this all the time. I've got them booked on clubs from next week and they have been whining about that since the start of the hols.

I feel like a shit mum, like where did I fucking go wrong with this.

OP posts:

Quitelikeit · 05/08/2022 15:19

Why the attack on bubblescoop?

what she says is mostly bang on. Your kids will mostly turn out how they are raised. Parental input matters enormously.

for example I know a family where the parents are arrogant, etc and guess what their kid is just the same!!

please feel free to disagree with me but it won’t change my mind. People who are defensive of your statements are so possibly because they had a child whose behaviour they struggled to manage.

even bubafly admitted she changed her parenting and her child changed so I don’t understand why she is arguing with you!!!

pedropony76 · 05/08/2022 15:26

It’s very unnecessary when people say ‘why did you keep having kids.’ Circumstances could have been different at the time. OP could have been married/in a relationship and she may be a single parent now. So many situations that could have happened.

The kids are here now. She can’t exactly return to sender so it’d be beneficial if people have helpful advice

FartNRoses · 05/08/2022 15:28

TwilightSkies · 05/08/2022 15:04

Ok asking the OP why she had multiple children is NOT helpful. They’re here now and she’s looking for support/advice.

Probably not helpful but surely you get a taste of motherhood before you decide to go for the 2nd or 3rd. I’m wondering what the thinking behind it is if you hate being a mum (as the title says).

Endlesslypatient82 · 05/08/2022 15:36

FartNRoses · 05/08/2022 15:28

Probably not helpful but surely you get a taste of motherhood before you decide to go for the 2nd or 3rd. I’m wondering what the thinking behind it is if you hate being a mum (as the title says).

Show quote history

What I sense from a number of mumsnet threads is that a relationship breaks down. New relationship status. Full of
hope. So conceives early on. Relationship fails. Rinse and repeat

Endlesslypatient82 · 05/08/2022 15:37

Why the attack on bubblescoop?

what she says is mostly bang on. Your kids will mostly turn out how they are raised. Parental input matters enormously.

whilst I agree
surely you see there’s a time and a place for a reality check?

etopp · 05/08/2022 16:26

WalkingOnSonshine · 05/08/2022 08:04

That wasn’t what I was asking @etopp

A lot of children now don’t know how to play on their own because we cram so much into their day and week. Their response to being bored is then completely different.

I was not expecting the kids to be sent out to play quietly for hours on end, but for 30-45 mins of a pretend game or activity, giving OP chance to complete some work.

Hope that clears up your misunderstanding.

Thanks for the clarification. I think the OP's work day is probably 8 hours, though, which leaves quite a lot of time for the children to be milling around doing nothing and trying to get her attention, even if they can play quietly for 30-45 mins...

OriginalUsername2 · 05/08/2022 16:58

I feel for you. You need to take your power back.

How is the junk getting into the house? When are the set meal times? What’s the routine in the morning? What are the kids expected to do each day?

Put some order into the chaos. You’re the biggest, the oldest, the one with the knowledge, the money, the decision-making power. Don’t forget that!

takeitandleaveit · 05/08/2022 17:06

Bloody hell there aren't half some judgemental people around aren't there? And this thread is acting like a magnet.

Shame on you for kicking a person when they're down. I'm glad I don't know you.

CookPassBabtridge · 05/08/2022 17:15

Where's dad in all this?
I feel for you.

Bubbafly · 05/08/2022 17:28

bubblescoop · 05/08/2022 15:11

@Bubbafly I never said she was a shit mother. I don’t even think it. Don’t make things up to suit your narrative.

@Endlesslypatient82 Yes, I have two.

@bubblescoop You came on and were judgmental, unkind and told the OP that her kids were like that because of her poor parenting. Your comment was deleted due to multiple people reporting it. I wasn't one of them but in hindsight now, I wish I was.

The OP mentions the words "utter despair" "It's getting me so so down. I don't enjoy being with them anymore. I just want to run away and massively regret having them"

They are the words of a mother completely at her wits end and needing support and you come on berating her saying it is her own fault her kids are like that.

What did you hope to gain? Don't DARE say help her because, from where I am sitting, your are perched on top of a very high, ugly looking high horse. Be careful because it is a long way to fall off if suddenly one of your perfect children might change overnight and their behaviour is less than impeccable. Don't count your chickens.......

Read the bloody room honey, this is not a mother who needs to hear she is not doing it right. She needed support and all you did was sit there and sling shit at her.

THAT is why your comment was deleted and people complained.....and rightly so.

Bubbafly · 05/08/2022 17:32

Quitelikeit · 05/08/2022 15:19

Why the attack on bubblescoop?

what she says is mostly bang on. Your kids will mostly turn out how they are raised. Parental input matters enormously.

for example I know a family where the parents are arrogant, etc and guess what their kid is just the same!!

please feel free to disagree with me but it won’t change my mind. People who are defensive of your statements are so possibly because they had a child whose behaviour they struggled to manage.

even bubafly admitted she changed her parenting and her child changed so I don’t understand why she is arguing with you!!!

I changed my parenting to the very opposite to what @bubblescoop suggested that the OP should do for ONE of my kids. @bubblescoop is NO child rearing expert as are none of us. What she tried to do was different though. She didn't offer helpful advice, she just kicked a woman when she was down. HUGE difference.

converseandjeans · 05/08/2022 17:47

You just sound like you're juggling & trying to work with them home. Do you have any family or DP who can help? Can you organise for them to have a few hours with a friend? I don't think it's feasible to wfh with 3 children there at the same time.

I don't think they're doing anything different from other children tbh. Most would moan about doing chores.

Spanisheomellletttes · 27/11/2022 10:33

OP, the first step is in admitting here that you are overwhelmed and it is too much. Good on you. I cannot give you parenting advice, because hats off to you for parenting twins solo. That is just a parenting feat all on its own, especially those first new-born months.

I can share what I did do when I reached this stage of overwhelm, anxiety and depression. I went to my GP for help. We tried natural alternatives first and eventually settled on escitalopram, which lifted my mood enough for the overwhelming to being manageable. I started to be able to enjoy the few precious hour/s I would get alone without my heart racing and my worrying taking over everything. I relaxed more and became the more chilled-out mum I wanted to be. Of course, not 100% of the time, because life and kids, but definitely more enjoyable.

All my very best, OP. Hoping you can find some resolution or some help soon. Hugs also.

Spanisheomellletttes · 27/11/2022 10:34

Sorry. Zombie!

Alysskea · 27/11/2022 12:05

I know that childcare is a minefield and an expensive one, but working from home and having to supervise 3 kids was never going to work. I manage a team at work and if they tried to do this I would probably report it for a disciplinary. How on earth were you going to get a days work done, even with kids who are good as gold?!

You’re not a shit mum though, they’re driving you up the wall. I’m afraid you’re going to have to start playing hardball. No TV unless chores are done, empty the house of junk, no games consoles etc. It will be hell for a few weeks and then they’ll learn they can’t pull this on you.

Flip

1 2 3