'Breast is Best'

[OddSocksandRainbowDocs]

It's National Breastfeeding Week and I've seen the phrase 'Breast is Best' banded about quite a few times.

Whilst I agree breastfeeding is scientifically better, some mothers (myself included) physically could not breastfeed so chose to formula feed instead. I was made to feel like a failure by a midwife for choosing to do so.

My little one is now one and a half. She is happy, she is healthy.

I don't know who needs to hear this but 'Breast is Best' isn't always the case. 'Fed is Best' is most definitely the case. It doesn't matter how you feed your baby, as long as the baby is fed, that is all that matters

people who breastfeed are in the minority. Breastfeeding is incredibly hard and involves a lot of work. The public verbally aren’t welcoming to see a breastfeed baby post 6 months. So Why can’t we just let those who breastfeed celebrate their achievement in piece without sparking a formula debate????

Absolutely this. Who gives a fk how others feed their babies? I find it totally bonkers. Of all the things that will affect a person's life chances, the liquid they drank for six months is the least interesting or relevant.

I agree that breast is best but I think the phrase is mistakenly repeated at mothers by HCPs when it should be the other way around. We need to be telling them (midwives, nurses, the government etc) that breast is best and that they need to provide proper support to enable women to breastfeed. It can be done. I had both of my babies outside the UK with DD breastfeeding was very painful so the nurses spent time helping me latch her correctly. That didn't really help so in the end I saw her paediatrician who set me up with nipple shields and a cream to help my nipples heal. DS was in NICU for his first week and I couldn't breatsfeed him for the first few days and then only 10 minutes at a time after that. The nurses came to my room every 3 hours to help me express milk for him until my milk came in and I could use a breast pump (which they provided). No-one ever said to me "breast is best" or "you must breastfeed" - they just listened when I said I wanted to and helped me to do that 🤷🏼‍♀️

I do think it's important to raise awareness of how breastfeeding works. Like on FB earlier I saw a woman asking how to switch to breastfeeding now her milk had come in as she'd been bottle feeding the baby for the first few days when she was only producing colostrum. So she'd been given totally the wrong advice by the midwives etc.

I would have loved to have breastfed but I had twins born at 33 weeks. I pumped for 3 weeks solidly whilst they were fed by the NG tube. Still they weren't putting the weight on as expected. Even when the expressed milk was fortified it still wasn't enough so they went onto powdered prem baby milk.

After 5 rounds of IVF to get our babies I neither had the pregnancy or the breast feeding experience I imagined.

If you can breast feed bully for you, I did what was best for my babies and that is what is important

Women in many countries are not so lucky.

Actually, women in Many countries have their efforts to bf undermined by profiteering formula companies who imply that formula which is expensive and difficult to make safely without clean water and fuel to heat it, is better then the milk their bodies can produce for free.

I remember feeling very down with the post baby blues when I was stuck in hospital after having my prem baby who was screaming in hunger and I was struggling to breast feed. News years eve, fire works going off, baby crying, me crying, asking for a bottle to feed him. The ward staff were not happy at all with me, and the next morning he midwife declared I was artificially feeding my baby. The kindest person to me in that ward was the cleaner.

As a registered nurse I hope I never make a patient feel as shit as they made me feel.

Well obviously it didn't happen the second I decided it was hard I did try and I tried bloody well hard!

Throughout pregnancy, from midwives to antenatal classes, it was put upon me that breastfeeding is the better option, that is what you should do etc. I was told all about the nutritional side, why it is better etc. That is why women feel like a failure when they don't go down the breastfeeding route because they feel like they are failing their child.

It may have been more convenient to you but it wasn't to me. My baby wasn't getting any milk and had a depressed Mama to go with it.

people who breastfeed are in the minority. Breastfeeding is incredibly hard and involves a lot of work. The public verbally aren’t welcoming to see a breastfeed baby post 6 months. So Why can’t we just let those who breastfeed celebrate their achievement in piece without sparking a formula debate????

Exactly.

Weird that FF mothers get so defensive when they are So massively in the majority.

This isn't actually true. Tests in the gut of primary aged children can detect whether they were breast or formula fed.

Not sure teachers and classmates regularly go around testing kids' guts but ok

It's not seen as normal by a large proportion of the general population.

Well obviously it didn't happen the second I decided it was hard I did try and I tried bloody well hard!

Ok. But forgive me as it was you who used the phrase "the minute it became hard" so I thought this was what you meant.

@Tiredmum100 I'll always remember breaking down in tears, telling the midwife I was going home and her telling me it wasn't happening until I'd breastfed three times. Luckily, my husband was there and fought my corner as I felt so exhaused to be able to do so.

After he'd gone (he was only allowed in for an hour), I was an absolute mess. The lady in the bed next to me told me 'Only you know what is best for you. If you want to formula feed, then that is what you do.' and offered to watch my baby so I could get showered and sort myself out. I'll always remember her kindness.

Genuinely intrigued by this as it's not what I've been told by the midwives/HV/GP/neo natal consultant/infant feeding team. All of who have literally told me to give up breastfeeding in favour of formula because 'some women just can't breast feed'. It's very real for me at the moment as I am devestated not to be able to sustain my daughter. My daughter is now 14 weeks old and was readmitted to hospital at 10days old for too much weight loss just on breastmilk and the hospital put her on formula 'top up'. Granted she did have a tongue tie which wasn't divided until she was 7 weeks old but otherwise no obvious issues. Only because I've refused to give up feeding is she still going to the breast at 14 weeks. I'm expressing milk in between feeds and she's having formula top ups in line with NHS amounts for solely formula fed babies. In theory she is being over fed and yet she has just managed to hit the 2nd centile for weight and move out of 'tiny baby' clothes. Our HV is stunned that I'm still persisting with the breast and I'm exhausted but comments like this leave me thinking 'well if I just tried a bit harder I'd be enough for her and she'd thrive'. The messaging that breast is best isn't wrong, but the way that message is portrayed IS hugely damaging for lots of women (myself included).

@OddSocksandRainbowDocs we celebrate breastfeeding in this country because we do not have a culture of doing it. And out of those women who do it, most don't do it for very long - 24% after 6 weeks in England, 17% in Wales, 13% Northern Ireland, 32% Scotland. Less than a third in all cases.

The British "culture" is very anti-breastfeeding and it is like turning around a tanker, it takes a lot of effort and awareness to firstly let mums know that breastfeeding IS for people like them, they CAN do it, and where they can access support if they need it.

So yes, we do need advertising and effort around this. Formula is adequate. Breast is optimal.

I was encouraged to BF (and it was never suggested by HCPs that it would be anything but a bed of roses) and had all the help I could possibly need. I think every midwife in my county had been round and checked the baby's latch or whatever. But it wasn't to be.

The only time I even think about it all 20 years later is when these threads come up on MN.

Not sure teachers and classmates regularly go around testing kids' guts but ok

Are you aware of the existence of scientific research? It isn't generally done by primary school teachers, no.

@theveg It works both ways.

No, you can't. The benefits are there and scientifically proven. If it doesn't work out a woman needs support to manage her feelings and work through them and know she did her absolute best and she isn't a failure but you can't change science to help some one feel better. You give them adequate support and work to change attitudes.

theveg It works both ways.

Not sure what you mean? As lots of people have pointed out, we have terrible rates of BF in this country. It is a hard thing to do at first and on a population level it would significantly increase health chances if more did it. The awareness week is not intended to make FF mothers feel bad, it is intended to improve health outcomes in the population.

It’s easier all round to give up breastfeeding and move onto formula. Doesn’t mean that it’s better. Midwives etc are rushed off their feet. They don’t have the time to site with mothers to establish breastfeeding. It’s often a short cut to move onto formula. It’s not better.

Sorry but regardless of the shit state of breastfeeding support, breast is nearly always best if possible.

'Fed is best' when the alternative is baby not getting enough nutrition to thrive or the mother having a mental health breakdown, unable to breastfeed etc. Of course babies who are formula fed do very well in life so it's really not a big problem.

Now my baby is older I remind myself 'fed is best'..my autistic son struggles to eat a varied diet & generally consume enough calories. Would I prefer he ate a varied diet - of course! Would I prefer he ate a limited (relatively poor) diet rather than starve himself - of course. Sometimes we can't choose the 'best' option and we just have to do the best we can and that's the best option available to us.

You are comparing 2 different things here op.

Breast v formula we know thst the breastmilk is the better choice. Formula is not a bad choice but it is not equivalent

Emotional support for mothers. Should ALWAYS be for what thet mother needs. And one who chose to formula feed does not need a guilt trip. Nor does one who chose to breast feed needed poor advise. The emotional support should be tailored for the individual.

However the fact that you were not supported. And I am so sorry you were not. It is not comparable to breast milk. You SHOULD have had that support no matter how you chose to feed.

This is such a great way of putting it

i have a lot of respect for you.

It’s in response to this idea that if you feed your baby, you’re going above and beyond and the stupidity of the phrase “fed is best”. Not fed is abuse. If you have a baby the absolute bare minimum you do is feed it and keep it clean. Anything else is a bonus.

Then shouldn't we be applying this same logic to breastfeeding? After all, it's just meeting a basic need? Why celebrate breastfeeding if feeding your baby is just the bare minimum? Does it matter how that basic need is met?