Page 18 | 'Breast is Best'

OddSocksandRainbowDocs · 2022-08-02T10:29:00+00:00

It's National Breastfeeding Week and I've seen the phrase 'Breast is Best' banded about quite a few times. Whilst I agree breastfeeding is scientifically better, some mothers (myself included) physically could not breastfeed so chose to formula feed instead. I was made to feel like a failure by a midwife for choosing to do so. My little one is now one and a half. She is happy, she is healthy. I don't know who needs to hear this but 'Breast is Best' isn't always the case. 'Fed is Best' is most definitely the case. It doesn't matter how you feed your baby, as long as the baby is fed, that is all that matters[smile]

Luxa · 02/08/2022 15:35

'Breast is best' is trotted out like a religious mantra, something that isn't open to discussion. It takes no account of individual experiences or circumstances. It is not best in every case.

britneyisfree · 02/08/2022 15:35

Breast is best. It's the truth. Formula is the only alternative to that and it's acceptable.

Breastfeeding isn't easy for everyone and so those that do are naturally pleased they have. Why aren't we allowed to be? Why do we have to pretend so that you don't feel whatever emotion it is that you are experiencing?

You have to wash dirty bottles and lots of us end up with saggy tits as a result. It is what it is. Enjoy your own wins and stop comparing.

If I couldn't have breastfed I would've given my child formula and got on with it. Not been angry every time someone said it wasn't best. It isn't. Simple.

Also look at the ingredients on your formula. Breast really is best. Sorry not sorry.

SuperPets · 02/08/2022 15:37

But I am pro-choice in all things. So women should be supported in whatever they choose, not be judged, or bullied, or vilified whatever their choice

I completely agree (in this anyway. I am not pro-choice in all things, and I suspect neither are you). But none of that means we need to tell lies about the facts, does it?

Namechangenoidea · 02/08/2022 15:38

Oblomov22 · 02/08/2022 15:21

Agree with @undetetected :

Stop making mums feel like crap, I'm pretty sure we're all riddled with guilt about everything else as it is!

Why would you feel like crap over something so minute! Nobody is making anybody feel that way. If they do, it's because they think BiB themselves, nothing else.

The poster who said : stop making muns feel like crap. Clearly has severe anxiety issues and needs to see her GP. Because I don't have anxiety. And I'm not riddled with guilt. About anything. No one makes me feel guilty. And if you are allowing someone to make you feel guilt, more fool you!

@Namechangenoidea : "Formula fed babies in general are more content than breast fed." But that's not factual is it? What are you basing that statement on. It's nonsense.

Its just my experience. Of course not all babies that’s why I say in general. But my experience of having children and my friends and family’s having children I believe formula fed are just that little bit more content. Why would I make this up? My opinion has formed over many years just because your life experience hasn’t seen this mine has. My opinion won’t change from someone saying it’s nonsense on the internet when I’ve seen it in real life.

Thatboymum · 02/08/2022 15:38

howaboutchocolate · 02/08/2022 15:32

Fucking hell, talk about shaming.

If I said "my son would find it horrifying to see a newborn with a bottle in its mouth being fed formula" and that I found formula feeding completely alien, would that be OK??

This is why breastfeeding mothers feel the need to spread information. So people don't have to listen to shit like this.

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If that’s how you felt then quite honestly your opinion wouldn’t bother me.
if I told you that an almost school aged child needed a bottle of milk every night to go to sleep I’m sure everybody would be quick to say that’s ridiculous he’s too old you need to stop it. Or if I said he needs a bottle when he’s said or upset or needs comforting again everybody would say he’s too old for that find other coping mechanisms. I guarantee that would be the majority response so this is exactly how I feel about an almost school aged child relying on mums boobs to sleep, compose etc I think it’s ridiculous at his age and of no long term benefit to the child.

completelyunderwhelmed · 02/08/2022 15:38

SuperPets · 02/08/2022 15:37

But I am pro-choice in all things. So women should be supported in whatever they choose, not be judged, or bullied, or vilified whatever their choice

I completely agree (in this anyway. I am not pro-choice in all things, and I suspect neither are you). But none of that means we need to tell lies about the facts, does it?

Agreed. I am also pro choice and can't get as het up at many on this thread.

The facts are quite clearly that the benefit is marginal.

brookstar · 02/08/2022 15:38

woodhill · 02/08/2022 15:23

@brookstar

But if you can why wouldn't you?

There are lots of reasons......it's a very personal choice.

Personally I liked the fact DH could share feeding responsibilities. I went back to my very part time paid job/hobby at 8 weeks and back to my full time job after 9 months so it helped a lot that other people could feed DS.

DS was lactose intolerant so lactose free formula actually stopped him being in pain. I could have cut out diary but I was advised not to due to a previous eating disorder so chose formula instead.

I also didn't enjoy it. I found it painful, stressful and I never seemed to produce enough milk to fill DS.

Those were the choices I made. DS still thrived and is healthy and happy.
No guilt or regrets here.

britneyisfree · 02/08/2022 15:39

brookstar · 02/08/2022 11:46

whereas breast is only negligibly better than formula. Which upsets people on here, but it’s true!

Exactly!

For my lactose intolerant baby lactose free formula actually was best ....

My breast fed baby couldn't tolerate milk until she was about 8 months so I stopped eating it.

Lactose intolerance does not rule out breastfeeding if the mother stops consuming it.

Namechangenoidea · 02/08/2022 15:39

Namechangenoidea · 02/08/2022 15:38

Its just my experience. Of course not all babies that’s why I say in general. But my experience of having children and my friends and family’s having children I believe formula fed are just that little bit more content. Why would I make this up? My opinion has formed over many years just because your life experience hasn’t seen this mine has. My opinion won’t change from someone saying it’s nonsense on the internet when I’ve seen it in real life.

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And I said never said it was a fact it is my beliefs based on what I’ve seen! How can it be nonsense?

howaboutchocolate · 02/08/2022 15:46

Thatboymum · 02/08/2022 15:38

If that’s how you felt then quite honestly your opinion wouldn’t bother me.
if I told you that an almost school aged child needed a bottle of milk every night to go to sleep I’m sure everybody would be quick to say that’s ridiculous he’s too old you need to stop it. Or if I said he needs a bottle when he’s said or upset or needs comforting again everybody would say he’s too old for that find other coping mechanisms. I guarantee that would be the majority response so this is exactly how I feel about an almost school aged child relying on mums boobs to sleep, compose etc I think it’s ridiculous at his age and of no long term benefit to the child.

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Science and history doesn't agree with your opinion. Milk teeth are called exactly that because they fall out around natural weaning age.
If you find it ridiculous, fine, it's not the norm in the UK and people don't really talk about it so I can see why you feel that way, but why shame another woman for it?

EasterIssland · 02/08/2022 15:46

Thatboymum · 02/08/2022 15:28

I’m sorry but I find this really alien and it seems almost unhealthy that he needs you to be soothed or calm and happy I don’t think your doing him any favours by this age, what will you do when he starts school etc ? My 4 year old would honestly be horrified to see one of his friends stuck to his mums boobies and deeply confused and wouldn’t be shy in voicing that

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here is an example of a mum shaming another one because they've decided to breastfeed past what they expect is the norm. I've been really polite in all my messages to those mums that have not bf, yet im being ashamed with my own post.

he has been going to nursery since he is 1 year so dont worry about him starting school.

congrats @Thatboymum, in my previous point i was saying how people were shaming me... and this is why we need more support those of us that decide to do something that is not the norm.

Whiskeypowers · 02/08/2022 15:46

Blueeyedgirl21 · 02/08/2022 15:27

@BloodAndFire ah yes, watching derry girls equals thicko ! Silly me I’m so thick! I actually have an MA from a Russell group, I just don’t always think I have to post like I’m writing a research paper when on an informal online forum. If you want to chat about malaria and Italy in Ww1 we can. I think personally the geography of Italy contributed as there was little opportunity for battle outside of swampy lowland, in the northeast and coastal areas. Plus the abandonment of pre war efforts to rid malaria from the country due to economic reasons. But that is so OT I’m not sure where you’re going with it so I’m out. Have fun at the breastfeeding cafe with the triplets.

You have made a series of really offensive comments about breastfeeding mothers and then went on to discuss their age as well as how you would have children at secondary school when you were there age

when myself and others responded to this and challenged you you then told us to leave the discussion as you thought one of us didn’t have children and then started making comments about my use of “big words” . When I suggested your readiness to denigrate groups based on what I suspected was an embellished if not entirely concocted anecdote was inappropriate you then carried on comparing me to a character from a tv programme that you thought best conveyed your view of me as some sort of self important holier than thou toss pot.

none of those factors point to a person with any level of intelligence frankly the opposite.

there is no need to inform us now via a post which reeks of insecurities and over compensation as to the level of your academic achievement. Unless of course you want people to think it’s no surprise that qualifications don’t necessarily equate to intelligence. In which case it’s serviced its purpose well.

brookstar · 02/08/2022 15:47

Lactose intolerance does not rule out breastfeeding if the mother stops consuming it.

I was advised by my doctor not to cut out dairy from my diet due to a previous eating disorder.
It was my choice to follow this advice a FF - amongst other reasons - and that's okay.

EasterIssland · 02/08/2022 15:47

Wouldloveanother · 02/08/2022 15:31

I don’t find breastfeeding at all ‘yucky’, whether that’s a baby or a toddler. But your son is way past that now, I doubt he will thank you for this as a grown man - he will probably find it quite uncomfortable and query why you let it go on for so long. You need to think about the bigger picture, he isn’t a baby and needs to develop independence appropriate for his age.

is there anything else you could do to help him regulate his emotions and sleep?

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Thanks for your concerns about his future when he is old, please pass my your phone number so that when he is ashamed in the future i can give you a call and tell you "you were right"

pigeonpocket · 02/08/2022 15:48

britneyisfree · 02/08/2022 15:39

My breast fed baby couldn't tolerate milk until she was about 8 months so I stopped eating it.

Lactose intolerance does not rule out breastfeeding if the mother stops consuming it.

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Breastmilk has more lactose in it than cows milk.
CMPA is very different to lactose intolerance. You can breastfeed a CMPA baby by giving up dairy. You cannot breastfeed a lactose intolerant baby (which is very rare, babies who are lactose intolerant get very sick very fast).

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 02/08/2022 15:49

@britneyisfree - when someone says ‘sorry - not sorry’, what that means to me is that they know that they are going to cause pain to some people, but they don’t care.

karmakameleon · 02/08/2022 15:49

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 02/08/2022 15:27

I think that a big part of the problem for me is that it is easy to say Breast is Best - but it costs money and resources to properly support women like me who have problems breastfeeding.

It is perfectly possible that there were things that could have helped me produce enough milk, of a good enough quality to nourish my babies - but I got no help or support whatsoever - no suggestions of what I could do, take or eat to boost my supply - literally all I got was professionals who either suggested I didn’t want the best for my baby or who pushed me to supplement with formula, despite the fact we all knew it would most likely spell the end of my attempts to breastfeed.

This is why these types of threads infuriate me. As long as we have people default to “fed is best” nonsense and wanting the message that breast milk is better to be shut down because it makes them sad, we waste time arguing and the need to put proper support in place can be ignored.

SammyScrounge · 02/08/2022 15:49

OddSocksandRainbowDocs · 02/08/2022 11:36

'Formula is okay at a push'. No, formula is okay full stop if that what works best for the mother

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What about what works for baby?

User354354 · 02/08/2022 15:49

FourTeaFallOut · 02/08/2022 11:41

Breast is best if it's available to you. Formula fed is best if it isn't.

Yeah I would agree with this (as a mother who formula fed)

Wouldloveanother · 02/08/2022 15:52

EasterIssland · 02/08/2022 15:47

Thanks for your concerns about his future when he is old, please pass my your phone number so that when he is ashamed in the future i can give you a call and tell you "you were right"

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I don’t want to be right. But at 4.5 he relies on you to make appropriate decisions for him. I don’t know a single man that wouldn’t be uncomfortable that he can remember being breastfed as a schoolboy. There has to be a cut off somewhere.

Sistanotcista · 02/08/2022 15:53

BeanieTeen · 02/08/2022 12:08

Crisps, chocolate and pizza is fed. Nutritious food is best.

I don’t agree with ‘breast is best’ - neither do I agree with ‘fed is best’ - but I’m generally a hater of naff rhyming or near rhyming slogans…

I do agree that breast milk as a substance has superior qualities to formula milk. There’s lots of evidence out there to confirm it but the obvious first hand evidence for me is that formula I’m supposed to use up within an hour or so of preparing it while my expressed breast milk can apparently sit it the fridge for a whole week because of it’s antibacterial properties. It’s definitely got something special going on.

But that does not mean formula is akin to fast food. I think it’s more like comparing a nutritious yet simple meat, potatoes and two veg meal (formula) to a fancy quinoa and avocado salad with other ‘superfood’ ingredients (breastmilk). Fact is, although chai seeds and bulgar wheat may pack a slightly higher nutritional punch, but you don’t need to feed it to your kids for them to thrive. They will thrive perfectly well on your regular chicken, new potatoes, broccoli and carrots.

Breast feeding doesn’t work for everyone, so obviously it’s not always ‘best’. Mine couldn’t latch to my breast for ten days, he had a severe tongue tie - so grabbing a bottle was obviously ‘best’. The other option was to let him go hungry…

Love this x

Thatboymum · 02/08/2022 15:55

howaboutchocolate · 02/08/2022 15:46

Science and history doesn't agree with your opinion. Milk teeth are called exactly that because they fall out around natural weaning age.
If you find it ridiculous, fine, it's not the norm in the UK and people don't really talk about it so I can see why you feel that way, but why shame another woman for it?

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If somebody feels ashamed then that’s on them if they felt it was fine they wouldn’t be ashamed , I’m entitled to my opinion and I do not object to breast feeding at all but at 4.5 years old I don’t think it’s rite the same way I wouldn’t think a bottle fed 4.5 year old is rite. Children at that age should have learnt how to self soothe and sleep naturally they shouldn’t depend on a boob bottle or dummy to do so it’s not doing them any favours. I think it’s fine to breast feed a baby up till id say 2 max but anything further is really unnecessary and I’m just being honest in that my 4 year old would be quite grossed out seeing his friend do this.

Lindasllama · 02/08/2022 15:56

Breast feeding is a middle class issue !

If you work in the local Londis a
Few hours a week and get a UC top up to survive and have 2 other kids .. and have at most 6 weeks May leave .. (pro rata ) how the hell can you breast feed for 3 months let alone 4.5 years. ????

EasterIssland · 02/08/2022 15:56

Wouldloveanother · 02/08/2022 15:52

I don’t want to be right. But at 4.5 he relies on you to make appropriate decisions for him. I don’t know a single man that wouldn’t be uncomfortable that he can remember being breastfed as a schoolboy. There has to be a cut off somewhere.

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but he makes his own decisions.. i'm not with him 24/7 so he manages to self regulate himself when i'm not around.

Maybe we should be changing that conception that a we should feel ashamed about the bond with a mother just because they were breastfeed when upset rather than receiving a hug. I hope my son one day is proud about the bond he had with his mother rather than have to feel ashamed about it because the breast has been so sexualised

Blueeyedgirl21 · 02/08/2022 15:57

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