'Breast is Best'

[OddSocksandRainbowDocs]

It's National Breastfeeding Week and I've seen the phrase 'Breast is Best' banded about quite a few times.

Whilst I agree breastfeeding is scientifically better, some mothers (myself included) physically could not breastfeed so chose to formula feed instead. I was made to feel like a failure by a midwife for choosing to do so.

My little one is now one and a half. She is happy, she is healthy.

I don't know who needs to hear this but 'Breast is Best' isn't always the case. 'Fed is Best' is most definitely the case. It doesn't matter how you feed your baby, as long as the baby is fed, that is all that matters

@EasterIssland why are you breast feeding at 4.5? Genuine question. My baby is 3 months but I can't imagine still feeding her when she's at school..

But when it comes to a newborn and they utterly inexperienced digestive system and immunity - small differences are more significant than when a child

yes. I'm BFing a 3 year old. Hardly anyone in my life knows I still am because I can't be arsed to deal with negative comments and shaming.

If breastfeeding support was better, the bitterness and feelings of shame would go away on both sides. Breastfeeding would be a perfectly normal thing to do and formula would be a perfectly fine alternative. It's a combination of breastfeeding mums having to fight to not be shamed in public for it because until recently it wasn't that common in the UK, so they're louder and prouder about it in an effort to combat that, plus unsupported mums who wanted to breastfeed but lacked support, plus mums who want to formula feed but pressure to get BFing numbers up makes them feel shamed for that choice. None of those things would exist if breastfeeding was normalised and supported adequately.

Do you think it is a class thing then?

Agree with @undetetected :

Stop making mums feel like crap, I'm pretty sure we're all riddled with guilt about everything else as it is!

Why would you feel like crap over something so minute! Nobody is making anybody feel that way. If they do, it's because they think BiB themselves, nothing else.

The poster who said : stop making muns feel like crap. Clearly has severe anxiety issues and needs to see her GP. Because I don't have anxiety. And I'm not riddled with guilt. About anything. No one makes me feel guilty. And if you are allowing someone to make you feel guilt, more fool you!

@Namechangenoidea : "Formula fed babies in general are more content than breast fed." But that's not factual is it? What are you basing that statement on. It's nonsense.

But when it comes to a newborn and they utterly inexperienced digestive system and immunity - small differences are more significant than when a child

But not significant enough to compare formula to junk food. It's a ridiculous analogy.

because my son likes it, it calms him down, he's bond to me and when he's really upset he gets the calm with me via the breast, at nights he still uses it to sleep.
i never thought i'd breastfeed this much but he's happy and i'm happy so i dont find i have to stop and i love that he knows he can come to me for the peace he needs when he's really upset

I BF and found it really really tricky. I also went home from hospital with a baby unable to latch properly, but with a lot of support and advice I got there and fed until my daughter was 10 months. I wouldn’t change that experience.

The reason BF mothers get upset by the “fed is best” tribe is because it undermines their effort and dedication. It’s like finishing a marathon and then someone telling you you could have just taken the bus and had the same result!

If you feel like a failure then that's most likely not anyone else making you feel like that - it's your own feelings or misplaced sense of guilt reflecting back at you. We all make decisions or have to do things when parenting that might not be 'best', but how we feel about it is generally to do with how hard we are on ourselves, not because of what other people say or do.

Saying breast is best is not a personal slight on those who don't breastfeed. Just as saying rearfacing in a car seat till 4+ is best isn't a personal slight on those forward-facing, or a number of other things. It's just the variability of parenting and different circumstances and individuals.

No one does the best all the time. I breastfeed but I cosleep which is often tantamount to flinging my baby off a bridge according to MN, I don't enjoy being a SAHM so both DDs will be at nursery, and I don't always cook organic homemade nutritious food. I also shout sometimes. That's just life.

What I will say is that if you wanted to breastfeed but didn't get good support, please feed that back to your NHS trust or anywhere else that failed you. Nothing will change unless they understand how women are being let down and what kind of poor support is being offered in some places. Everyone should be supported to breastfeed through the hard bits at the start.

Both of my girls have had their own issues (DD1 didn't latch for six weeks and with DD2 I couldn't position her well due to section and having catheter in overnight so she destroyed my nipples) so I know it can be really hard going. I've done the 3am in tears with a bottle of formula thing. But in so many cases, with the right support and if it's something that's important to you, it's possible to overcome those early difficulties and go on to have a successful and fulfilling time breastfeeding.

If it's not something that's important to you then just accept that to some women it is and let them be proud of their perseverance and energy spent on it.

Nobody mentioned formula in those 3 words. Why do you feel inadequate, since we know the benefits are minor?

@brookstar

But if you can why wouldn't you?

It’s just as good at keeping babies alive and letting them grow as they are supposed to, yes. Formula is undoubtedly wonderful stuff. But it doesn’t provide antibodies, it doesn’t chance in composition throughout a feed or over time in response to a baby’s needs, so no, it is not just as good overall.

You say lots of breastfeeding women are like an army who like to belittle others, but you don’t regularly see breastfeeding mothers starting threads saying that their way is best. FF mothers do it frequently saying fed is best, when like the the breastfeeding mothers, they have the option of just quietly getting on with it. So I don’t agree that the ones who choose to get on with it quietly are the ones out to belittle others. You say breastfeeding mothers are not shamed - another blatant inaccuracy. Have you never heard of women talking about how they’ve been told to cover up in public, or being expected to feed in toilets, or being told that what they’re doing is disgusting by random strangers? If you haven’t, you haven’t been listening well enough for long enough.

My post certainly isn’t out to belittle anyone or anything, it was a response to something I don’t agree with, which is the sort of thing a chat forum is supposed to be for.

If anyone is doing any belittling, it’s coming from posts like yours that seek validation for a perfectly normal choice while telling people that made a difference choice that their difficulties weren’t worth the bother because the alternative is equally as good.

@fatpengu1n

"Stop making mums feel like crap, I'm pretty sure we're all riddled with guilt about everything else as it is!"

No one is making you feel guilty. if you feel guilt then own that emotion, don't blame others. it's your own responsibility.

No one makes me feel guilt. I refuse to allow them to.

If you feel guilt, have chronic anxiety, please see your GP.

I object to the idea that saying something is the best for babies is shaming other women.

If I tell you that I just spent £500 on an extended rear facing car seat because rear facing till age 4 is best would you feel shamed? I don't think most people would.

There is something here about our patriarchal society shaming mothers who cannot breastfeed..yet not supporting them to bf and that's not okay. We need to fight back on that to get the support women need.

I think that a big part of the problem for me is that it is easy to say Breast is Best - but it costs money and resources to properly support women like me who have problems breastfeeding.

It is perfectly possible that there were things that could have helped me produce enough milk, of a good enough quality to nourish my babies - but I got no help or support whatsoever - no suggestions of what I could do, take or eat to boost my supply - literally all I got was professionals who either suggested I didn’t want the best for my baby or who pushed me to supplement with formula, despite the fact we all knew it would most likely spell the end of my attempts to breastfeed.

@BloodAndFire ah yes, watching derry girls equals thicko ! Silly me I’m so thick! I actually have an MA from a Russell group, I just don’t always think I have to post like I’m writing a research paper when on an informal online forum. If you want to chat about malaria and Italy in Ww1 we can. I think personally the geography of Italy contributed as there was little opportunity for battle outside of swampy lowland, in the northeast and coastal areas. Plus the abandonment of pre war efforts to rid malaria from the country due to economic reasons. But that is so OT I’m not sure where you’re going with it so I’m out. Have fun at the breastfeeding cafe with the triplets.

This is ridiculous. My NCT group were pretty much 50% BF 50% FF. When we got together the FF babies would have their bottle and promptly gave asleep, exhausted with full babies. The BF babies would be far more alert, snooze for a bit and then wake up and play, because they were never “stuffed”. In no way were the BF babies more “content” and the FF babies more clingy. What a nonsense.

I’m sorry but I find this really alien and it seems almost unhealthy that he needs you to be soothed or calm and happy I don’t think your doing him any favours by this age, what will you do when he starts school etc ? My 4 year old would honestly be horrified to see one of his friends stuck to his mums boobies and deeply confused and wouldn’t be shy in voicing that

"Breastfeeding women are not shamed."

Exactly. None of the breastfeeders here are shaming anyone. It's the others claiming they feel guilty and blaming others for shaming them. Bullshit. Stop blaming others for your own guilt.

More importantly don't feel guilt. It's a wasted emotion.

Complete bollox.

DD1 breast fed to 18 months. Now a Senior midwife at the Royal London. With an MA.

DD2 Breast fed for 3 weeks and then exclusively bottle. Now a v successful chef at a 'named TV chef' restaurant.

DS 1 Breast and Bottle from day 1. (I just didn't have time ) Currently at an Oxbridge Uni studying chemistry .

It's NOT about the feeding. It's ALL about the parenting and the support .

I don’t find breastfeeding at all ‘yucky’, whether that’s a baby or a toddler. But your son is way past that now, I doubt he will thank you for this as a grown man - he will probably find it quite uncomfortable and query why you let it go on for so long. You need to think about the bigger picture, he isn’t a baby and needs to develop independence appropriate for his age.

is there anything else you could do to help him regulate his emotions and sleep?

Most sensible comment of the thread for me, esp the last paragraph. And I'm saying that as someone who breastfed 1 DC successfully and struggled and gave up with the other 2.

Fucking hell, talk about shaming.

If I said "my son would find it horrifying to see a newborn with a bottle in its mouth being fed formula" and that I found formula feeding completely alien, would that be OK??

This is why breastfeeding mothers feel the need to spread information. So people don't have to listen to shit like this.

You are correct. When you look at sibling fixed effects, there are none.

But I am pro-choice in all things. So women should be supported in whatever they choose, not be judged, or bullied, or vilified whatever their choice. Chances are it will make very little difference to the child itself.

It is easy to say “Don’t feel guilt” but a lot harder to put that into action, in my experience, @Oblomov22 - especially when you are talking about something which feels like such a basic and important thing as nourishing your baby properly. And if you are, as I was, surrounded by other mums all successfully breastfeeding with no problems at all, it is all too easy to measure yourself against them and feel like a failure.

A previous poster on this thread implied that formula feeding was akin to feeding your child junk food - that definitely felt like shaming formula feeding mums to me.