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'Breast is Best'

1000 replies

OddSocksandRainbowDocs · 02/08/2022 11:29

It's National Breastfeeding Week and I've seen the phrase 'Breast is Best' banded about quite a few times.

Whilst I agree breastfeeding is scientifically better, some mothers (myself included) physically could not breastfeed so chose to formula feed instead. I was made to feel like a failure by a midwife for choosing to do so.

My little one is now one and a half. She is happy, she is healthy.

I don't know who needs to hear this but 'Breast is Best' isn't always the case. 'Fed is Best' is most definitely the case. It doesn't matter how you feed your baby, as long as the baby is fed, that is all that mattersSmile

OP posts:
Squiff70 · 02/08/2022 13:48

OP how can you say formula is as good as breast milk? Formula does contain nutritients which help babies grow BUT it does not contain antibodies which pass on immunity from mother to baby. Formula does not regulate itself like breast milk. It doesn't adjust its own temperature and consistency to meet the needs of the baby.

I am not a BF Nazi - my own experience to date is horrendous. My twins were born extreme pre-term (23 weeks). I had sepsis, my son died and my daughter was fighting for her life in NICU. I tried day and night for 5 weeks to express but never got a single drop of colostrum or anything resembling milk for either of my babies and it was utterly soul-destroying. I arranged with my GP via phone to try two lots of prescribed medication to try and kick-start that lactation but it never happened. My daughter survived and is now two, but had donor breast milk for some time in NICU before we had no other option to give formula. One member of the infant feeding team came to visit me on NICU and told me I "wasn't trying hard enough" despite knowing I was ill (sepsis), in shock at having delivered twins four months early, and bereaved since my son passed away at four days old. I was a gibbering wreck trying to hold it together. I've never forgotten those words, nor the time I was told "your babies are here now so it's time your body did something about it", again, by the infant feeding team.

I'm currently nearly 37 weeks pregnant and expecting another little boy. I DESPERATELY want the opportunity to at least try breastfeeding as it was so cruelly stolen from my twins and I. They missed out on the nutrition, antibodies, bonding and many other benefits and I missed out on that maternal instinct that I personally carried with me to provide my children with whatever I could. I hope to be able to provide my new baby with that experience, as well as for myself, but woe betide anyone who tells me that if for any reason we end up having to formula feed him - which is not what I want - that I have failed him.

The advice is NOT 'breastfeed at any cost' but it SHOULD be 'breastfeed IF you can'.

takeitandleaveit · 02/08/2022 13:49

Here we go again. Women berating other women. When will people understand that some women CAN'T breastfeed (for whatever reason) and all this nonsense makes them feel like shit?

Blughbablugh · 02/08/2022 13:52

I think the breastfeeding support in this country is dire! Breastfeeding is not easy and I totally understand why some women feel unable to continue. There needs to be better education and support both in the hospitals and in the community. When I had my first I had some support in hospital but basically told to get on with it. When I had my second I was basically left to it and only checked on in the morning after I had gone on to the ward at midnight! It was through the support of a local breastfeeding group that I was able to breastfeed both my babies and now help out at a local breastfeeding support group myself.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Oblomov22 · 02/08/2022 13:52

OP: "I started this thread in the hope it will help just one person who is struggling/has struggling or was made to feel like a failure. "

No you didn't. You stated factually incorrect information, by saying that breast wasn't best. It is.

If you'd really wanted that help, you could've phrased your OP completely differently: eg 'how can we help women? Stop mw's making women feel guilty for not breast feeding'?

Blueeyedgirl21 · 02/08/2022 13:53

@takeitandleaveit agreed… well despite many many stories on this thread where women have been unable to breastfeed, apparently it’s ‘very rare’ and an ‘extreme case’ when a woman can’t, so most of them must not be trying hard enough… you know, whilst having chemo or casually battling sepsis in ICU or whatever…

daisyjgrey · 02/08/2022 13:53

Fed is bare minimum. Formula is good. Breast is best.

Emotion aside, the science literally proves this.

Belephant · 02/08/2022 13:53

Why is corn syrup being brought up?! I'm no formula expert but I've never come across a formula that contains corn syrup in this country. Or anywhere in most of Europe for that matter.

SuperPets · 02/08/2022 13:54

takeitandleaveit · 02/08/2022 13:49

Here we go again. Women berating other women. When will people understand that some women CAN'T breastfeed (for whatever reason) and all this nonsense makes them feel like shit?

The vast majority of women CAN breastfeed. The vast majority who think they couldn't, actually could. There are many reasons why women do not breastfeed, it's almost never that they truly physically can't.

Telling the truth may make some people feel shit. That's not great, but that doesn't mean we don't tell the truth.

heidipi · 02/08/2022 13:56

Hi @SnowdropsInSpring - please see my post above, as I didn’t need to swap to formula ‘medically’, what should I have done or how should I have been supported to be able to continue to breastfeed? It felt like I tried everything available to me but maybe not.

For info with my second daughter it couldn’t have been more different - had 2 weeks of struggle, sought the same help and advice and suddenly it clicked, then pain free, quick feeds from then on.

Oblomov22 · 02/08/2022 13:56

Disagree with @Janie92 who says WHO need to drop breast is best.

No. That's not the solution.
The guilt needs to stop. But that's not related to the WHO at all. The guilt is a completely different issue that needs to be addressed separately.

mummydoris2006 · 02/08/2022 13:57

@SuperPets nope just the ones making women feel like they are lacking in providing for their child because they have physically can't do something society deems they should.

Whiskeypowers · 02/08/2022 13:57

Janie92 · 02/08/2022 13:44

@Whiskeypowers now please elaborate and tell us how each one of those is eitherbeneficial or damaging? Thank you.

I don’t need to. Thankfully the experts have already done that for us all.
not my fault that so many women are so angry about it when even the companies that charge at least £10 a tub tell us all the same thing.

Hallamus · 02/08/2022 13:57

Of course breast is best. Why do I have to say it isn't just because some mothers can't do it? But fed is not the bare minimum. Formula is a pretty damn good substitute for breast milk and babies thrive on it too and we are lucky to have it.

But I'm so, so tired of seeing women on here being told to stop breastfeeding when their DH isn't helping enough, or they are tired, or their baby feeds in the night because breastfed babies need feeding more often. Like they're bringing pain on themselves. No. Where a woman is willing and able, formula is NOT an equally valid choice and breastfeeding shouldn't be the first thing they are advised to stop doing when time or energy is pressured. Also sick of seeing people saying that babies over 6 months don't need breastfeeding - FFS.

Breast is best but you can just accept you are doing great, not best. I have had to accept that in a lot of areas of my mothering, don't we all? Starting at birth with my C-section which was not best but a damn sight better than the alternative. Stop insisting people change their language and outlook to accommodate your insecurity; own your choices and be proud of them.

RavenPaws · 02/08/2022 13:57

Blueeyedgirl21 · 02/08/2022 12:34

I combo feed - Breast most of the time, maybe a bottle or two of formula, sometimes I express and take a couple of bottles of that out… my baby likes it all and is packing the weight on, sleeps ok and is ahead of milestones. I went to a breastfeeding ‘cafe’ recently and omg … full of women ten years older than me, idler mums who thought they knew everything about everything because they’ve got a bit of money and fancy jobs they’re on extended leave from, literally sat with their boobs just out because they could, preaching about how bottles are the devil. Never went back. Some of them talked about breastfeeding as if they deserved some sort of Nobel prize. It won’t be normalized unless we stop putting it on some sort of pedestal and making out like it’s the be all and end all, and that you’re not doing it right if you’re not also dressed in organic hemp dresses and have your baby in gender neutral clothes and wear your six year old in a ring sling whilst you do it.

This is my exact experience of breast feeding clubs. One I went to had one woman feeding her 6 year old and 2 year old and then offered to feed my baby whilst I went to the toilet. As in she breastfeed her. No thanks

RamblingEclectic · 02/08/2022 13:57

If that's the case then, why do we celebrate breast feeding? Surely it's just 'meeting a basic human need' as you put it??

Because in some communities, there is a lot of stigma around breastfeeding and who 'should' be doing it. You may have seen it pushed or seen people congratulated, but that is far from universal.

I spent my entire first pregnancy being told I probably couldn't breastfeed and how awful it is, I had relatives make spectacles of looking away when I fed my child to try to shame me, I had family and random people in the street tell me how gross breastfeeding is. I've had people infer and outright say I was getting sexual gratification from feeding my child and that having a picture taken while breastfeeding proved I liked being watched in a sexual way...

When I was in hospital with my first, the midwife made my baby go through multiple heel pricks to check his blood sugar before we could leave because I was breastfeeding. I was made to feel like him crying, even during a nappy change, meant I was starving him and that as a teen mum, I obviously had no clue, and had lies made up about my body to 'prove' I shouldn't be breastfeeding - my small chest and 'deep milk ducts' (I still don't know what that means) meant I was killing my child by breastfeeding. I was even lied to about social services wanting to talk to me (and they were told I wanted to talk to them) in part because of the midwife's concern, thankfully they helped get this midwife to back off.

Formula feeding isn't unique in having some people act like it's horrible. Feeding isn't unique in this. I've had people shout at me in the streets for using mobility devices and for using baby carriers. I've been told my child has a speech disability because I have a foreign accent and that my other child has an autoimmune disorder because I don't bathe her enough. I've been told people like me shouldn't have kids since before I had them.

People will have their biases and talk shite over anything we do as parents and for some of us, even being parents. It can be downright nasty, it hurts, but as adults, we need to be emotionally robust enough or have tools to handle weak slogans and population level initiatives for improvements even when we can't be part of it. I can't meet my local communities annual summer campaign around walking, I know the many health benefits and my limitations & increased risks make me sad at times, but that's for me to handle, not to try to prevent my community doing any health initiatives that I can't do.

Hallamus · 02/08/2022 13:58

idler mums who thought they knew everything about everything because they’ve got a bit of money and fancy jobs they’re on extended leave from, literally sat with their boobs just out because they could

Idler?Hmm

Why the fuck shouldn't they have their boobs out? Do boobs scare you or something?

Whiskeypowers · 02/08/2022 13:59

SuperPets · 02/08/2022 13:54

The vast majority of women CAN breastfeed. The vast majority who think they couldn't, actually could. There are many reasons why women do not breastfeed, it's almost never that they truly physically can't.

Telling the truth may make some people feel shit. That's not great, but that doesn't mean we don't tell the truth.

completely agree

Hallamus · 02/08/2022 13:59

And god forbid they should get ten years older...! That will happen to you too, you know. And why are they "idlers" just for being on mat leave from their jobs? So, so judgey and ignorant. Probably best you didn't go back.

SuperPets · 02/08/2022 14:01

mummydoris2006 · 02/08/2022 13:57

@SuperPets nope just the ones making women feel like they are lacking in providing for their child because they have physically can't do something society deems they should.

Nobody is making anyone feel anything. What they feel is what they feel. Parenting generally involves making choices (or not having choices) regarding what is best for our children, and we can't always choose the best thing. That doesn't mean whatever we choose is suddenly the best thing, because we chose it!

And society doesn't deem any such thing. BFers are in a minority. Society is geared towards formula feeding.

Science is science. It has already answered the question. None of the rest of it matters, not "I couldn't" or "FF suited me better" or "My FF kid is the second coming". None of it.

Blueeyedgirl21 · 02/08/2022 14:01

@Hallamus typo for older.

boobs don’t scare me no. It was the deliberate ‘I’m going to sit here top less because I can, because I’m breastfeeding and if you use a cover or try and be discrete, you’re not doing it right’. One woman said ‘I’d love someone to come up and say something about my tits being out’ . Just so bizarre. Their entire identity was bf’ing and researching and talking about bf’ing.

Whiskeypowers · 02/08/2022 14:02

Belephant · 02/08/2022 13:53

Why is corn syrup being brought up?! I'm no formula expert but I've never come across a formula that contains corn syrup in this country. Or anywhere in most of Europe for that matter.

Neocate which is a hypoallergenic formula given to many babies has it in

howaboutchocolate · 02/08/2022 14:02

Breast is best, nutritionally. Nobody is saying its the best option for other reasons because it sometimes isn't. But it is better nutritionally because it isn't made with ultra processed sugars and oils. But yes, obviously formula better than letting babies starve. That's not really an argument is it.

I wish it could be discussed without so much judgement and emotion. Breastfeeding support needs to be so so much better.

Whenever someone mentions natural births being better than a c-section I don't get het up about it even though I "failed" at a vaginal delivery. I do think my baby probably missed out on some important things by not being born naturally - gut bacteria for one. But it's still amazing that c-sections exist.

Blueeyedgirl21 · 02/08/2022 14:02

@Hallamus yes I’ll be ten years older but my kid will be at secondary school and I’ll be able to enjoy my 40s

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/08/2022 14:05

Janie92 · 02/08/2022 13:42

I agree OP I think the WHO needs to drop the breast is best thing. Even if it is the best (by a small margin)
The reason being the detrimental affect to the mental health of those who couldn't breastfeed and feel they somehow let their child down, in my opinion outweighs the possible benefits to a child of being breastfed. My child was formula fed and he's been healthy, happy and completely normal!

WHO advice covers the W part, the world. I’m sure you’re aware large parts of the world don’t have reliable clean water supplies. Where that’s the case breastfeeding saves lives that would be lost by babies being fed formula with unsafe water or diluted bottles due to the costs or unavailability of formula.

Your opinion on the potential issues of maternal mental health are completely irrelevant to the lives of millions of babies a year.

You see no benefits of BF so why would you think women feel bad for FF?

Literally no one has or would ever say your child wouldn’t be “healthy or normal”. That’s just weird.

Blueeyedgirl21 · 02/08/2022 14:05

@Hallamus don’t get me wrong I often just take my bra off and sit on the sofa having a feeding sesh with dd baps out in the breeze (ha) but it’s the deliberate nature of doing that in public I just think is bizarre. It’s almost wanting to make people be uncomfortable, to look etc so they can prove a point

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