When you message someone about a play date- and get ignored

[theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity]

Hi there my DD appears happy at school and names several friends and has been invited to parties etc out of school however has never been invited to someone's house out of school (year 2)
So I did the old take the bull by the horns think and messaged someone she says she plays with. Radio silence. I feel very awkward now and my DD gets upset when other people play together out of school and she doesn't
Any advice please as this is new to me

Style it out, big smile, be friendly and don’t ask again.

Family might be away, not know who you are, be working ft, etc

Did you invite to your house or yourself to theirs?

How long ago did you message the person?

Other than that, as Mindthegob says.

And try someone else. It’s very unusual to get no response at all, so I’m sure you’ll get a ‘yes, thanks’ at some point

Don’t take it to heart - people are so busy and tired and distracted or unable to make plans. It won’t be about you.

Maybe they’re on holiday? I never reply to messages when I’m away

So it's year 2 ans you have only ONCE suggested a playdate? Honestly, that's not enough. This mum is a bit rude but it is a numbers game... send a message to another parent and see where it goes.

At these parties , have you discussed playdates? That's often how it starts. Ditto, has tour dd had parties and invited a range of children? It's a 2 way street.

I’m new to this too but quickly learning the above, continue to smile and be friendly as there will be others who your DD will meet up playing with outside of school who you would never have expected.

Depends on the message. I assume you texted along the lines of:
Would (Katie) like to come over to ours to play one afternoon this week? Let me know when suits. (Suzys) Mum.
If you have had no reply, then they are away or rude or Katie has said hell, no!
Give it a day or two then leave it/try someone else. If your text was not like the above and more Can the girls get together without saying park then it is too vague/sounds like you are inviting yourself = imposition.

Yeah I must admit I've never been that fussed by it all until she said about other kids having play dates

Did you send the message just now? It's the summer holidays so there's a fair chance the family are away. I tend to find that playdates happen more often than not during term time and not during the holidays. The only children my children have playdates with in the holidays are ones typically and hoc ones with friends they already know. Assuming you have messaged during the holidays I would leave it and start again in September. Get your DD to list a few children she'd like to have round and send out a couple of invitations (or as many as you can handle hosting) and take it from there. The earlier you do it, then the more time left in the autumn term for others to reciprocate.

Are you friends with the mum/dad? Have you gotten to know other parents? To be honest, in Y2, I’d probably only feel comfortable with parents I knew. They’re still quite young at 7 ish.

That said, it’s not unusual to not get a response the first time. People are busy and overwhelmed. I don’t always message back right away and some of dd’s friends’ parents can take a few weeks. Especially in summer when everything tends to be more chaotic.

I’d just message again and say thinking of going to playground/whatever, would x like to join? Can spin by and pick her up on the way if you’d like?

Yep...this is exactly what I did when a mum at the school ignored my message trying to arrange a playdate.

Parents are definitely not away or I wouldn't have messaged

It's a lot less likely this is some kind of personal snub and a lot more likely the mum is away, busy, wasn't sure how to answer it right away and then other messages bumped it down the list, etc.

But as PP said, if it's Y2 and you're only just engaging with the other parents and kids, people quite literally don't know you. That doesn't stop you and your DC building relationships now, just keep at it. It does mean you're going to have to be a bit more persistent because you're a bit behind the curve. Take opportunities to meet the parents of your DC's friends and classmates when you can.

Did you invite them to your house, or ask if DD could go play at theirs? Your OP suggests the latter which might be why you have radio silence!

Tbh I wouldn't allow my y2 child to someone's house I don't know for play date. Are you friends with the parents ?. My child is 10 and is only allowed to friends houses whom I know very well.

Don't dwell on it. Ask someone else. But you could offer to meet up in a park first before a playdate without the parent if they don't know you.

Some people do this, it’s not just you. Usually it’s because they don’t want to feel obliged to reciprocate, or they want their kid home to entertain another kid, or something like that.

Just ask other people. I’ve sent 6 messages so far today asking for playdates. One ignored, one is away, one is ill, one yes (with a lady who forgets to turn up pretty often) and one insists on doing a paid activity at the park instead, dunno why is so frustrating coz the kids just wanna play with dolls. I regard this result as a triumph 💪

Be friendly to everyone, never get offended, and just keep inviting people’s kids round for a play. Is exhausting, but has to be done.

When did you send the message? Did it mention a specific day or was it more along the lines of "would x like to come around sometime?" If non-specific I wouldn't think anything of it it it had been less than a week.

I think the summer holidays can also be an awkward time. Many working parents have the whole 6 weeks choreographed within an inch of its life in terms of different types of childcare. And if the parents work, a play date for a random afternoon is not that practical. Other parent might either be trying to work out where they can fit you in, or trying to say "not now" without causing offense. I'd personally leave it and actually speak to a parent next term. Or ask in person if you see someone out and about.

What did you message?
Was it a set date or open invitation?

It's the summer holidays. People aren't on their normal schedule. In any case, how long ago did you message? Playdates aren't really urgent and I find parents can sometimes take 3-4 days or even longer to respond if they're busy and thinking about other things.

Just ask your DD who else she'd like to invite and message their parents as well. Might as well get a few playdates in the pipeline and not put all your (or rather your DD's) eggs in one basket.

I occasionally read a message and think I will reply later, but then forget. The message notification is gone, so I don't have a reminder. Maybe this has happened. Or maybe the parent is intending to look at their calendar and then reply, but hasn't got round to it.

Been there! One of Ds's good friends has a mum like this,....! Last summer I messaged her and said 'would x like to come over next Monday for a play?'. She ignored it until about an hour before the time/day I had suggested and said 'yes please'. 🙄

When did you message?