When you message someone about a play date- and get ignored

[theyhavenothingbuttheaudacity]

Hi there my DD appears happy at school and names several friends and has been invited to parties etc out of school however has never been invited to someone's house out of school (year 2)
So I did the old take the bull by the horns think and messaged someone she says she plays with. Radio silence. I feel very awkward now and my DD gets upset when other people play together out of school and she doesn't
Any advice please as this is new to me

That's so vague there's nothing to answer, and didn't name yourself nor your child, they might not know who you are. Most of the kids have had play dates from at least age 3 when they start making friends, but with parents coming too while they are little. If your DD hasn't had any friends round then she might be a bit left behind in friendship groups, it'sa bit of a snub to go to a party but never even invite the child for a play date. You'll need to work a bit harder as the parents won't know you to then be happy dropping off the DC. Message a few suggesting a specific range of dates and either your house or the playground, say they can drop or stay for coffee. That way if the parents feel a bit nervous they can come too.

I really wouldn't rule out someone just being busy if they fail to reply though. Parents can be unwell, lots of work on, packing for holiday etc. Just leave it a few days.

Agree. I wouldn’t necessarily want to “meet up” with another child and his/her mum (especially as I’m working all holiday!) but if either child was invited to their house I’d agree like a shot.

I agree with the message being too vague. I tend to send 2 messages in these situations. The first is "Hi, this is X's mum. X has been talking about Susie a lot lately and would love to have Susie round to play or meet in the park if you're not too busy this holiday, whatever works best. Let us know if Susie would like to meet up".

Then, if there's a positive response, I reply "Great", send a few times which we could do and leave it to the parents to check which works best for them. My DC is younger so the expectation is that parents stay, but I'd put "You're welcome either to stay or drop, whatever Susie prefers" for an older child who hadn't visited my house before and where the parents didn't know me.

I wouldn't have replied to that straight away either. It comes across as a general message that you might have sent lots of people. I'd follow up with something a bit more specific that can be said yes or no too.

Assuming she's just finished Year 2 (and contrary to some people on this thread) I wouldn't expect a meet up to include parents. In fact I'd probably avoid a meet up that involved parents as too much hassle - which might be why you don't have a reply. That's almost at playing out on their own stage.

You've got about 2 years before all of that changes.

Year 2?? Maybe it depends where you live.

Child is at end of Year 2, so about to start Year 3 ... Playing out is very common here from Year 4/5 which is only really a year or so away.

I don't think I had a playdate with parents past Reception. Unless I was friends with the parents and wanted to meet up with them specifically.
At junior age children do get more independent.

Reminds me of a neighbour who commented about her 4yo "if I don't let him play out now then when would I?" - like there's no maturity difference between 4 and 6, 4 and 8...

Kids grow up, yes. They need to be looked after in the process, and some need longer than others. It isn't actually a competition to be rid of caring for your kid fastest.

“Hiya, hope you’re having a great summer. DD was asking if X is free to come here for a playdate 😊 We’re around on a, b, c and d if she’d like to on one of those dates Let me know! X”

(Make sure dates are spread over several weeks in case other child is away for a fortnight - it offers more flexibility)

Gives a set RSVP deadline, is friendly without being pushy, offers a few suggestions + if no-go the message is friendly enough for you to save face as it’s quite casual/loose/not formal.