Need to vent - how did I create such a shallow child

[pizzaandgin]

Just need to vent

My son was 15, 2 weeks ago and we have just been away for our family holiday. I can't believe how shallow he has become and how obsessed he is with how he looks.

Some examples are 2 days into the holiday he read about how bad the chemicals were in shampoos so he changed shampoo and then spent the next two days in a really bad mood because his hair was not right.

Yesterday we did the mandatory visit to a national trust house, cue bad mood because his white socks were wet (just washed) so rather than wear any other socks he just wore wet socks

Went swimming and we all had to stay away from him so his hair wouldn't get wet. Once he got his hair wet and he was an absolute joy, my gorgeous happy boy.

My husband and I care about what we wear and how we look but my DS takes it to another level, I don't actually know what happened to turn him into this. Can anyone else share stories of ridiculous teenager behaviour and even better please share stories of teenagers growing out of this

Phases and fads are normal. Stressing over appearance is normal. Your child is wanting to date, to look good and to fit in. They aren’t shallow at all. This is absolutely bulk standard teen behaviour

Sounds totally normal for a teenager OP.

Er... Have you never met a teenager before??

Stop being so harsh on him! It will pass eventually.

I'd say not shallow. Just teenage. And if he's living a comfortable life then these things seem so important to them. But as you saw with swimming, they get over themselves pretty quickly. We all want to be a kid again sometimes if we've had a happy childhood and mine loves letting go when he can unwind enough to play with his very young spirited 10 year old brother

Sounds like a very normal teenager to me.

It’s a phase. A healthy, normal phase that teens go through. I’d be more worried if it was the other extreme and he didn’t wash, and wore dirty clothes.

Sounds pretty standard. My 17 year old is obsessed with his hair. Obsessed. Better than the opposite I’ve decided

He'll come through it.

I remember posting about how vain, spoiled, and label obsessed my DS was a few years ago. He was away on a school trip, which he'd had decent new clothes for, and was insisting on spending €170 of his spending money on new trainers.

Now he's almost 18 and I was shocked when he came home with a bag bursting with Primark t-shirts for holiday Still likes his labels, but knows he won't die if he has to wear £5.00 boxers now and then.

The hair is still his pride and joy though.

I agree with previous posters saying that it’s totally normal to be a bit self-obsessed. Some of my most intelligent and kind hearted adult friends were exactly like this as teens. It also doesn’t mean that he’s shallow as being overly obsessed with your hair doesn’t mean you don’t also care deeply about important issues or really care about those around you.

My DD14 is the same. Constantly looking at herself in the mirror, fussing about her hair etc - talks about it too which is so boring!!

She was never like this 2 years ago and certainly not indulged in that way. I find it all very tedious. DH and I are not particularly fussed about how we look, designer labels etc.and have taught her that stuff like that doesn’t matter.

Her older sister is nothing like this. I hope she grows out of it soon!

They soon get over it, especially when it’s their win mi why paying for stuff! My £50 is worth less than their 5 hour slog at the chippy £50.

He's not shallow he's a normal 15 year old. I have to admit I was giggling when reading your post. I'm so sorry he's being frustrating, I promise it won't last forever x

My 18 yr old ds was like this at 15. Not so much now but still looks well kept and stylish.

My 19yr okd ds is the opposite and so scruffy its embarrassing. Doesnt iron his clothes. He is very clean and is very particular about skin care, nutrition etc but has no style. I worry about him making such a bad impression at uni and with employment. I have to tell him to brush his hair...at his age!

I remember being in a vile snappy mood because I was out walking with my mum and the wind was blowing up my fringe, exposing my mild teenage acne! We laugh about it now!

Don't worry you'll get your real son back in a few years 😉😉

Silver lining atleast you aren’t begging him to have a shower as his personal hygiene is debatable. I think teenagers one of two ways.

This bought back memories of when my younger brother turned 13...suddenly he was absolutely obsessed with his appearance, far more than I was as his 16 year old sister!

The label obsession amongst him and his friends was unreal...it had to be Sergio Tacchini everything (mid 80s) ...drove my mother mental. We had a good laugh about it last time I saw him!

More interestingly is why can’t you accept him going through a normal teenage phase without being so judgemental and rejecting?

is

Give over.

Where has she shown any rejection of him?

My brother was like that as a teenager. Now he is one of the best men I know and doesn't have a shallow bone in his body.

Sounds really normal. I think white sports socks with trainers or sliders are on trend. DS 12 had mini strop & accused me of losing his sock at the beach when he got changed & refused to wear trainers with no socks. The sock was on the floor in his room the whole time 🤷🏻‍♀️

Teenagers basically get their brains taken apart and rehashed and put back together, so you can ignore any weirdness and wait for it to pass. This is not who he will be, don't take it personally, it's not about you.

DD is all about fake nails and hair products.

I don't mind it..

I am happy she fits in with her friendship group

My 14 yo dd has been obsessed by her hair since about age 6/7. Do you not remember being fussy about your appearance as a teen? I was.