Need to vent - how did I create such a shallow child

[pizzaandgin]

Just need to vent

My son was 15, 2 weeks ago and we have just been away for our family holiday. I can't believe how shallow he has become and how obsessed he is with how he looks.

Some examples are 2 days into the holiday he read about how bad the chemicals were in shampoos so he changed shampoo and then spent the next two days in a really bad mood because his hair was not right.

Yesterday we did the mandatory visit to a national trust house, cue bad mood because his white socks were wet (just washed) so rather than wear any other socks he just wore wet socks

Went swimming and we all had to stay away from him so his hair wouldn't get wet. Once he got his hair wet and he was an absolute joy, my gorgeous happy boy.

My husband and I care about what we wear and how we look but my DS takes it to another level, I don't actually know what happened to turn him into this. Can anyone else share stories of ridiculous teenager behaviour and even better please share stories of teenagers growing out of this

Social media and their friends. As you get older you grow out of it.

Think shallow is the wrong word. He's self consciousness about his appearance which is normal teen behaviour.

Sounds annoying but par for the course for a teenager. They're growing into themselves and caring about how they look is part of it.

DD is only 12 but often her mood in the morning is determined by her hair looks. It literally never looks any different to me 🤷🏻‍♀️

I can remember being devastated if I had a spot, thinking everyone would be staring at me.

My DS3 is obsessed with his hair, I just indulge him because if he's like his Dad and Grandad, he won't have it for long!

It’s normal and I think being away from home makes it worse as he’s not surrounded by his familiar things. At home, he might have a drawer full of white socks but on holiday he only has so many. At home he probably has more time and space to sort his hair when he wants to.

I remember going to Whitby and staying in a caravan aged 15. To my horror, when I woke up on the first morning I discovered that my eye liner had fallen out of my make up bag. Imaging going to the goth capital of the world with no eyeliner!! I insisted we traipsed around Whitby (no Google maps in those days) until we found a boots or Superdrug 😵.

Yeah this, they really are self conscious and growing into themselves.

All sounds very normal typical teen behaviour! At least he cares and isn't one of these that has poor hygiene that would definitely be worse!

Completely agree with this. I am blessed with one of each: DS15 is looks obsessed, DS14 has to be forced into a shower. I prefer DS15's approach tbh, even if it is tiresome, he does at least not smell bad.

Any teen that doesn't get in a bad mood being dragged round a National Trust property is not normal

'Went swimming and we all had to stay away from him so his hair wouldn't get wet. Once he got his hair wet and he was an absolute joy, my gorgeous happy boy.'

Is he your eldest, OP? Sounds like you are struggling with the transition to teenagehood, and you still see him as being a younger boy. He won't be excited by swimming and National Trust visits for much longer, as children grow things have to change. Mine are still little, but I struggled with this myself as a child. I have autism, my siblings are NT, I struggled with our holidays changing when they got older and our routines had to alter.

Ahh this brings back memories OP! I refused to wear a coat in my teenage years, or a hat in winter - because it would ruin my outfit (I went through a mosha stage of wearing fishnet tights, shorts and a black crop top I was freezing but would not put on any form of warm winter wear)

He'll grow out of it I promise:D

It’s hard, I hear you. But the alternative to this over-obsessed phase is, I think, struggling to make that transition to being responsible for your own appearance and hygiene. See it as a necessary transition and it’s probably more helpful?

Also, sounds like you are doing a great job of getting him involved in fun activities and sports that will distract him!

My 17 year old takes his hair very seriously indeed. He has it cut every 6 weeks exactly, and pays for this himself, by a particular hairdresser who does it just right. Nothing gets in the way of his hair appointments. I wish he was this organised in other areas of his life!

He also buys stupidly expensive trainers and even buys some that he doesn’t actually wear (limited edition that will increase in price and can be sold at a profit, apparently).

I have never been like this and am bemused by it all. Possibly he will grow out of it.

I agree with the previous poster who said you still see him as being a younger boy. I can’t imagine he will be amenable to being dragged around NT too for much longer, or family swimming trips. Wait until he hits the festival stage, I’ve hardly seen mine for months !

I think better that than not give a toss about his appearance

Hey OP - I was the opposite at his age, did ‘t wear makeup, wore baggy jeans, men’s t-shirts and bike chains, and never bothered to try on clothes we’d bought after a shopping trip, all of which drove my mum NUTS. Used to say I was an embarrassment to be seen with.

I’ve unfortunately gone the other way and now can’t nip to Tesco without straightening my hair and putting on some makeup.

You won’t win. 😂

He’ll grow out of it, it’s perfectly normal.

As PP have said usual teenage behaviour, at 15 there would have been nothing we could have done to persuade my DS’ to visit a NT property or anywhere else for that matter, with us, so you must be doing something right!

I remember one day when my nan took me out and bought me a new roll-on suitcase for an upcoming holiday. I was in an absolutely foul mood when I realised I'd have to wheel it around for the rest of our day. I was terrified of someone from school seeing me (to be fair, I was very badly bullied). I'm so ashamed now and I miss her every day.

He's not wrong at all at about the chemicals used in shampoos (and conditioners).

There are some VERY nasty carcinogenic (cancer causing) chemicals in the vast majority of them.

Do some simple research, it's a real eye opener.

As to being shallow, he really isn't, it's just normal teenager behaviour. They start taking an interest in 'their' look (whatever that might be or entail).

I think if I was 15 and having to visit the obligatory NT property then I would be a pain too.

@StaticRatic he sounds exactly like my 19-year old, he has had his own shoe rack in his room for years. 😂 I think it started around 15, although he has always liked nice clothes and hair. He gets his hair & beard trimmed every second week. And yes, white sport socks is very important. It could be worse.

We have just had 2 18 year olds here for the weekend and honest to god they are a PITA. They do nothing except stare at phones and barely talk - happy to sit their bums down and stuff food in their mouths or not as the mood takes them. They are boring and have nothing to say for themselves - no conversation. Oh they did watch Love Island on catch up. Oh the only conversation was that one was bored as she had nothing to do this week as other friends are on holidays - she herself is going on 2 holidays in the next few weeks. I had sons and didnt have this tedium. This should be the best time of their lives!

Sounds about right. We’re on holiday in Turkey currently - DS (13) refused to pack a second pair of sunglasses and only wanted to take his sliders, despite suggestions it might be sensible to bring some other footwear. He broke his sunglasses on day 1 (in his pocket when he jumped into the pool) and so is currently wearing my spare neon pink pair. His sliders rub so he is wearing my pink havs. And my goggles are apparently better than his, so he’s wearing pink goggles all day too. And he’s sulking because I’m laughing at him!

Can anyone else share stories of ridiculous teenager behaviour

How does that help?

Oh god yes. The hair! It's always about the bloody hair!

Give him a break, he is 15!