Is there an etiquette for this?

[MarmiteCoriander]

If you ask a neighbour for potatoes, sugar or eggs etc- what do you normally do? Buy a replacement packet the next time you shop? Give them back the exact same amount of potatoes/eggs or do nothing?

@howshouldibehave it’s not just about the borrowing of food, it’s about being friendly and neighbourly. You never know when you might need a favour from a neighbour.

@Ragwort I agree! I love our road and my neighbours. We have an annual street party (cul de sac) and some of my neighbours have become genuine friends.

If I had to,.Usually I'd double what I borrowed as a way to say thank you.

If you have a WhatsApp group presumably it’s a friendly road where people know each other and get on and are happy to do each other favours. When they’re that kind of relationship I can understand being happy to share food, but surely you appreciate not all people know their neighbours or live in areas like that?

I literally don’t even know the names of my neighbours let alone have their numbers, I live in a flat above a shop and neither myself or my neighbours have gardens or parking or anything so it’s not like I see them over the fence, unless i happen to be coming in/ out of the door at the same time as them I never see any of them. Also all the flats are rented so there’s a high turnover of neighbours! I probably only end up seeing any neighbour about once every 3 months or so and not always the same ones, I’m friendly and would always smile and nod a hello but living somewhere like this is very different to a street where everyone owns a house and bump into each other in their gardens or by their cars have the time to build up relationships before the tenants leave. It’s not about not being neighbourly as such but not all areas are conductive to building close enough bonds with the neighbours to start doing each other favours.

I’d give a packet of whatever I had borrowed. Our neighbours are quite friendly and don’t imagine they’d have a problem lending me some staples until I got to a shop and equally I wouldn’t mind lending them some.

We happily lend each other food, share cakes etc. It’s a nice thing to do, I know my neighbours well and wouldn’t think of asking for things to be replaced. It’s probably better for the environment too, less wastage and avoiding a journey for just one thing. I once borrowed a single egg and they thought it was preposterous that I was offering to recompense them.

My neighbour has just knocked to borrow 2 Carrots. She also dropped a birthday card for my daughter. I think it really depends on where you live and the relationship with your neighbours. I grew up in London and back in the day every one was friends on our road and would do things for each other. My mum still lives on the same road but nowadays wouldn't be able to ask anyone for a favour. While on the road I live on now it is fine as we're all quite friendly.

Of course, one hundred percent. We also have a neighbours what’s app and we also socialise quite regularly. However not once has anyone asked anyone else to give them food.

in this instance it’s an affluent area, just a few houses and all are worth early seven Figures and up to about 4 million. However when I was younger I obviously lived in much less expensive homes , I was raised in a council house, but I still didn’t ask my neighbours for food and have never been asked. And I say that as someone who now has them round for dinner /drinks and who hosts get togethers, if we run out of something we just cook something else.

we have keys for each other’s homes, we help each other out with watering plants if someone is away, we helped moved trees and cut branches during the storms, we warn of parties or noise or talk about general issues in the area, we are very lucky, but never once has any of us had to ask someone else to give us food. It’s simply never happened.

You seem to think it's an issue of not being able to afford food, like using your neighbours as a food bank and that's really not what people are talking about. It's not about respect or how affluent the area is. It's just about helping each other out, it's that basic. It seems so simple to understand, that I'm starting to think you're deliberately misunderstanding.

You're ok at not running out of carrots clearly. I'm not sure you're ok at understanding how favours work or how other people's lives are slightly different to yours. Personally, I find the ability to lend a carrot a more desirable personality trait than the ability to never, ever need any help from anyone, but I guess we're all different!

Well done on your excellent meal planning.

We live rurally and thankfully in a more friendly street than most posters here. If anyone needs to borrow anything, they’ll put it on the street what’s app and someone will appear with it. I recently ‘lent’ a neighbour a can of coconut milk and it never once occurred to me to expect it back!

Hmmm see I’m just not getting it, I don’t see running out of carrots or potatoes or whatever as an issue, we just eat something else. It’s never been a case if I can’t get carrots from my neighbours we can’t eat.

and I clearly stated I grew up council house and we didn’t go asking our neighbours for food then either, so I’ve been across the spectrum, and that we do each other favours from watering plants on.

but, no, in my thirty odd years of home ownership I’ve never had to go and knock on their door and ask the neighbours to give me food and have never been asked. 🤷‍♀️

I have never asked except for last week when I wanted to make iced coffee's and had no sugar so got a cup of sugar from next door and asked were the children allowed sweets so bought them sweets few days later. Shop a good distance away so that is why I asked and do not drive. Would not make a habit of it though.

Personally, I find the ability to lend a carrot a more desirable personality trait than the ability to never, ever need any help from anyone

The two things are not mutually exclusive.

It's entirely possible to 'lend' a carrot (personally I would just give them a carrot, rather than expecting it back), and also never need to ask to borrow food.

I don't think anyone else is seeing running out of carrots as an issue either, they just borrow some from a neighbour....that's kind of the point. It's not an issue. It's a small favour, between neighbours. It's not an issue of not being able to eat either. People are not borrowing food because they're destitute, just for convenience. In the same way having someone come in and water your plants while you're away isn't a matter of life and death, it's just convenient. It's just a favour.

It's unusual that you can get your head round every other type of neighbourly favour, but this one seems beyond your comprehension! I understand you haven't needed to or been asked, but the absolute inability to comprehend someone else doing it is odd.

I'm not sure it's possible to 'lend' a carrot in good humour while also holding the opinion that anyone asking for a carrot has a fundamental lack of respect for themselves and their neighbours though is it?

I'm not sure it's possible to 'lend' a carrot in good humour while also holding the opinion that anyone asking for a carrot has a fundamental lack of respect for themselves and their neighbours though is it?

Are you suggesting that not needing to borrow food indicates a fundamental lack of respect for themselves and their neighbours? This seems highly unlikely, but if that's not what you are suggesting, I'm not sure how this question relates to my comment.

No, of course not 😂.

I'm referring to the poster who said they would never ask to borrow a carrot/egg/cup of sugar because they have too much respect for themselves and their neighbours. I don't think it's possible to hold this view point, but also lend a carrot in good grace. Essentially, I disagree with your claim about them not being mutually exclusive. I believe they are in fact, mutually exclusive.

We borrow from neighbours next door and across the road. I love that I can ring and say do you have an onion, egg, tin of beans, whatever I can borrow. They do the same.

We live in a little village, one shop shut after 5 and no public transport.

We don't pay back, it's been 20 years of lending back and forth.

Actually, only time I paid back was when I borrowed ( with permission - they were on holiday) a bottle of Champagne.

Essentially, I disagree with your claim about them not being mutually exclusive. I believe they are in fact, mutually exclusive

You believe that it's impossible to not borrow from your neighbours but be happy to lend? Because that is all I said. I never mentioned respect, nor was it mentioned in the quote chain linked to your post that I quoted. What you are saying now is an entirely different spin on it.

In the past I have only borrowed from my mother who lives across the yard. I paid her double for whatever it was I got and it was very infrequently. I never asked again after she said 'why buy when you can borrow'. If I run out now, I do without until next in town, we live in the middle of nowhere.

No, I think you can lend without borrowing but not with the attitude that the specific poster I was talking to has.

I was talking to a specific poster, you quoted my response to that poster. I assumed you'd read the thread. It's probably unhelpful to pick someone up on something when you've no idea what they're referencing.

I assumed you'd read the thread. It's probably unhelpful to pick someone up on something when you've no idea what they're referencing

I have read the thread, but I didn't keep a mental record of exactly who said what. That's a fair comment. But maybe you should also concede that your point was not clear - and in order to get what you actually meant, it's necessary to read back quite a few posts.

Who is this poster who is going on about personal respect? It certainly wasn’t me, I genuinely can’t see who has said this?

you come across s very upset that people don’t think it’s right to ask your neighbours for food. If one asked me for food I’d give them it no question asked. It is of course not mutually exclusive to be ok to give someone food when they ask but not to ever wish to or need to go to your neighbours and ask them for food.

if someone asked me regularly to give them food, I’d think they had significant financial issues or were struggling to manage shopping and cooking. It’s a perfectly normal thing to not have to go asking the neighbours for food. It is not the norm to have to do it. For some people yes it’s necessary. They need it to feed their families.but that’s not a positive.

the point we are making is we do not wish to, we have more respect for ourselves nd our neighbours and are able to feed ourselves and our families without having to go and ask for support from the neighbours.

That's you. On personal respect.

I don't think this is getting us anywhere now. You've made your point clear. I think it's nasty and judgemental. I think you're deliberately misunderstanding the point, that it's not a financial issue but a simple favour between neighbours. I hope your neighbours don't find you asking them to water your plants indicative of your lack of respect for yourself and them!

Luckily I don't think we live near each other so our differing views are unlikely to ever be a problem.