Is there an etiquette for this?

[MarmiteCoriander]

If you ask a neighbour for potatoes, sugar or eggs etc- what do you normally do? Buy a replacement packet the next time you shop? Give them back the exact same amount of potatoes/eggs or do nothing?

I'd never borrow food. Go to the supermarket.

The only thing I can think we have borrowed was a wrench for 10 minutes.

It’s curious that many of these posts are saying “ I borrow” with little mention of them lending Ie the neighbours also doing this. Plus if you “borrow” and don’t replace, it’s not actually borrowing it’s just taking,

i am quite glad I don’t live next to people who try to cadge free food from their neighbours regularly.

I get why you might borrow things if you live rurally, are desperate and the shop is closed. If you have a shop 2 minutes walk away but decide to send your kids round to blag food from a neighbour rather than actually pay for it yourself, that’s a different matter!

You know - because you know your neighbours well and are on the middle of cooking and it’s a ‘bugger, I don’t have any baking powder’ mid cake mix stirring 🤷‍♀️

I find it odd that people find it so odd that occasionally you might borrow/lend/give your neighbour something.

But this is Mumsnet where no one answers their door or seems to know who neighbours are.

I have needed to ask a neighbour for an egg/onion when I was mid recipe and had run out, we are friends so I didn't return the egg etc but equally if I've made a nice cake or pudding and have plenty to share I will gladly give them some.

This reminds me a bit of the lockdown threads where people said they 'didn't know anyone' who could help with shopping etc. Fortunately my neighbours are all friendly, helpful people and I hope I am a good neighbour too.

You know - because you know your neighbours well and are on the middle of cooking and it’s a ‘bugger, I don’t have any baking powder’ mid cake mix stirring

that has simply never ever happened to me. I check i have the ingredients before starting and if I don’t then I make something else. I am really surprised at all these folks who start cooking with literally no clue if they have the ingredients to make it, from curry paste to eggs to onions, potatoes, sugar baking powder, tomatoes. The lot.

so what you are supposed to do, before starting to decide to cook or bake something is actually check you’ve the ingredients to do so

🤪

I’m very good friends aith my neighbours, in fact they were here for cheese and wine at the weekend and we had a great time. We water each other’s plants , have keys for each other’s houses etc,

and because I’m a good neighbour I don’t put upon them and go asking them for food,I meal plan and cook based on what I’ve got in th house. Becayse we are all grown ups and responsible adults,

I don’t for one minute think you’re a good neighbour if you’re round there with your hand out.

in three decades of living in my own home I have never ever had to go and ask my neighbour to give me food. I shop in advance, cook or bake with what I have and if I run out then I go to the shops or even get a takeaway, I know what I have in and I am capable of feeding myself and my family.without my neighbours having to step in and support me,

a good relationship doesn’t entitle you to their food, and It doesn’t make you a good neighbour, it makes you a very bad one.

borrowing things occasionally that can be returned like a ladder or blender is very different to going round asking them for food as you failed to plan or shop adequately.

I do suspect some of this is financial, like why buy six eggs, I only need one so will ask the neighbour, or I’ve no money and need to make the kids lunch so Will ask the neighbours for bread, i struggle to believe for one Moment folks are as utterly incompetent as they are making out.

Yes - Mumsnet is a sad and friendless worms at times.

< world, not worms >

Yes - Mumsnet is a sad and friendless worms at times

this is so illogical, it would make sense if folks were saying I’d love to take food from my neighbours but I can’t we aren’t friends. That’s not what’s being said at all I’m sure most of us could go cadge free food if we wished to.

the point we are making is we do not wish to, we have more respect for ourselves nd our neighbours and are able to feed ourselves and our families without having to go and ask for support from the neighbours.

anyone thinking it makes you a good neighbour because you ask for free food has got it all kinds of wrong 😂

my neighbour and I regularly get things from each other. She needed an emergency bottle of wine once because a friend was landing on her with a crisis and she had nothing in the house. She replaced the wine, whereas when we've lent each other lemons, sugar etc we don't replace that. It's a quid pro quo thing and we're happy to be helpful.

I didn’t begrudge my neighbour across tbe road a level teaspoon of baking powder - but then I’m not a judgmental shit 🤷🏼‍♀️

This is such a weird way of looking at borrowing an egg/cup of sugar.

You've got too much 'respect' for yourself to ask or do a favour? That's incredibly sad.

And looking at a small favour as 'cadging free food'....such a grim world view.

I have never done this and I would go to the shop
IMO though say if it was a cup of sugar I would replace with a full bag of sugar at the next opportunity

I've never borrowed anything from anyone! I've been without stuff on occasion rather than ask anyone. Yes, give back the same stuff.

And looking at a small favour as 'cadging free food'....such a grim world view.

id get why you would feel that way if you regularly asked your neighbours to give you food. 😂

But do you get why someone would feel that way when they DON'T regularly ask their neighbours for food? I think it's that's complete lack of understanding that makes me feel sorry for you!

I love my street! We sre up north and I've borrowed all sorts off my neighbours and so have they off me.
One is a mechanic and has helped me sort little annoying things on my car, another an electrician who's lent us all sorts. I've asked for the occasional onion or potato when I thought I had some and didn't.
I often send round food or cakes when I make too much and they love it.
I've given lifts to neighbours too. So it's give and take.
In fact I asked my next door for some compost the other day for my dc tiny little plant pot, it was literally a couple of tablespoons amount so she didn't mind, I wouldn't have asked for more.
I'd probably replenish them for what you've borrowed OP.

Oh that’s sweet, thank you, I’m ok though and I don’t ask my neighbours for free food, I am able to feed myself and my family without asking the neighbours for help. Go me. 😃

It seems your situation is very much a one-way street OP.

You never ask them for food and they never give anything back or are compelled to reciprocate? It's not on

Behonia you make it sound as though I am cadging food off my neighbour's ever week . Of course that's not what this thread is about .. in fact in 11 years I think I have only twice asked a neighbour for something ... yes, of course we should all be highly organised and check our store cupboard before starting a recipe but I have found myself without an onion on one occasion ( the sort of thing I just assumed I had in the fridge) so I asked my neighbour if she could spare one - we have no shop in walking distance. She genuinely didn't mind in the slightest and I would always be happy to help someone out in a similar situation. I really don't see that as taking advantage of my neighbours - just being helpful and supportive. This is the same neighbour who happily felt comfortable enough to ask me to sit with her when her DH was terminally ill and she needed support so I really don't think she views me as some sort of person who is just seeking free food .

Begonia genuine question, if a neighbour knocked on your door and asked for half a pint of milk or something equally basic, perhaps a parent on their own who couldn't leave their children, or an elderly person who didn't drive and couldn't walk to the nearest shop, would you help them out or just say 'no'?

I can’t decide if it’s being skint or being totally disorganised. Or both.

No financial motivation here. More a case of thinking you had the ingredients when you started cooking but then realising that the last onion has gone off, or someone else used almost all the baking powder and not replaced it, and not wanting to bundle children into the car to get to the shops.

I think this must depend on where you live and how close you are to your neighbours. I would find it cheeky if my neighbours, who I have probably said hello to twice and don’t know at all, knocked on my door and asked for something. We live literally a 2 minute walk away from the shops, they are young and able bodied with no kids and so I’d think why are they bothering me and not just going to the shop? Also I am incredibly disorganised and never have anything in, if I was asked by my neighbour for some milk and I had any I would give it to them as I hate confrontation and would find it hard to say no, but that would then mean I’d need to go to the shop to get more as I rarely have more of things than I need. So I would find it rude for a neighbour who I didn’t know and didn’t know my circumstances to ask.

I think it’s different if your neighbours are people you know well and already do favours for and if you know you’re not going to inconvenience them by taking the last bit of something from their cupboards because they can’t say no but unless an absolute emergency I think it’s weird to knock on the door of someone you don’t know and ask for something.

I’m really surprised at some of these replies. We borrow stuff all the time in our road. We have a WhatsApp group for this sort of thing as well as recommending tradespeople, informing neighbours of parties and so on.

With food I always replace what I’ve borrowed.