Husbands Sister possessive over my Baby

[soulsearch7]

Soon to be first time mom here.

Disturbed by one of Hubbys sister. Anytime me, my hubby, my MIL, or anyone else in family talks about us as soon to be parents to our baby, she interrupts and says its her baby, we are only giving birth and giving her the baby. I am only in my first trimester and this is my first pregnancy after 4 years of marriage. It deeply disturbs me that she eliminates us everytime. I know that she is affectionate but she needs to be respectful to our feelings as soon to be parents too. I am not giving birth to my baby to hand over to her even though i know she doesnt mean that literally but it still annoys me I cannot stand it. She is single in her 30s and lives at home with MIL.

Anyone been in a similar situation?

I feel like telling my MIL to have a word with her because i am very close to all in laws but thats gonna be difficult for MIL as SIL doesnt listen to her anyway.

She also has the type of over sensitive personality that if she doesn't like something that is said to her, she will spoil the atmosphere and throw the biggest bad moods around, also then she will badmouth without delay and cry tears infront of MIL.

Hubby knows her attitudes and hates them too but always tells me to ignore her as we live in another country. He says she is not worth reacting to as she will otherwise try to spoil my relation with my inlaws. Her elder sisters btw also are aware of her negative attributes and even MIL but no one ever says anything to her so she knows she can say anything and get away.

How do I deal with this? I do live abroad but connect daily with MIL as consider her like my mom and she is beyond lovely. If SIL happens to be there, that's when comments are made over the phone. She is far but still needs to be respectful towards our feelings.

I had a less crazy version of this and still hated it. It toned down when she had her own. Always remember her card read 'congratulations on the birth of my beautiful neice.'

I think being sensitive is sometimes a manipulative card people play to get away with absolute murder.
All you need to do it tell her she is upsetting you, every single time. There is no need to remember clever lines, be rude or confrontational (she deserves it but family = careful politics). All you need to do is just tell her she is upsetting you, and be firm.

I mean that sounds batshit… but my Sil get jealous that my DD prefers me so that’s not really normal behaviour either

Sounds like it's (very obviously) just a joke she's making because she's excited.

Laugh and say oh no im working waaay to hard on creating this one you can have your own

Or tell your husband your disturbed by his sister wanting to have his baby and your rethinking a lot of things right now as everyone seems to think it's normal and ergh yuck it really isn't normal

Just ignore it. If she pulls weird shit once the baby is born that’s the time to draw red lines.

I think you’re acting a bit ott tbh

its clearly a joke

you don’t even live in same country

you’re being hormonal

She's not over sensitive, she's over indulged.

Your MIL has allowed her personality to develop this way and enables it. Sadly her living at home with no partner and behaving like a sulky teenager is the result.

I'd start by phoning MIL less often. She's part of the problem however sweet you may think she is.

"How about NOOOOOOO" would be my response.

I wouldn't joke with her (saying you will give the baby once s/he becomes a grumpy teenager or at nighttime when s/he is crying) She will only hear "I will give you the baby..." and nothing else. Then when you don't give the baby over when she demands, she will have a massive tantrum and you will end up looking like the bad guy ("but you said you would....")

Just ignore, or be firm and say "in the unlikely event that this isn't a joke, we aren't giving you the baby". And again "yep, still not giving you the baby" rinse and repeat.

Feeling uncomfortable with someone repeatedly referring to your baby as their baby is not 'being hormonal'

Are you the sis in law?

Doesn't sound like a joke. She sounds mentally ill. Your DH and mil need to get her help.

Seriously? I mean seriously?

Update. SIL and MIL planning to travel to my country of residence for my delivery so they can give me post partum support. SIL wants to travel here as she doesnt to miss the moment my baby opens his or her eyes in her arms and she can then show my baby to my husband!!!!! I have not responded to her comments but its playing on my mind and i am really goi f to loose my cool with her now. Have told hubby i cannot stand her and he agrees she is wrong. He said dont react and anyway its not like we are going to let her do what she wants. I still just feel like letting her know that her comments are out of order regardless of the fact its coming from a place of love.

DH needs to deal with her. You don't need this level of stress during pregnancy!

I know maybe I cud avoid the stress but not letting her words get to me, but i shudnt be in a position where i am constantly thinking about how i will be telling my delivery nurses not to let her hold my baby first. Its just ridiculous. If hubby or anyone says anything to her, its going to be a world war 3 between her and us for life. It will cause more harm than good in the short and long run.

You can tell the hospital staff that you only want your husband in the hospital and nobody else is to be allowed in or given any info.

I would put a stop to them coming immediately. If DH keeps insisting that you don’t say anything to them, then he’ll be fucking useless. Just tell him you don’t want them. If that doesn’t work, they can stay in an Airbnb and can visit only when you say it’s okay.

Tell your DH he deals with this immediately or you will. And make sure you do, with no doubts left about how things will go. They will not be visiting unless/ until they are invited and no fucking way will the SIL be anywhere near the hospital.
I'd love to see a harmless or misguided joke in her comments but they all sound psychotic. If it starts WW3, so be it. I can't imagine you ever feeling safe around her with your child, so why not go nuclear.

This is way too much. No way should she be near the delivery suite. Your DH needs to protect you from this intrusion. I hope they are staying in a hotel?

Hubby had it out with SIL. She has been told to stay far far away!!! He wont tolerate any further comments from her. Thank you everyone for your support.

How did the mother of the baby react when you said this stuff? It feels incredibly threatening to the expectant mother…no matter how joke-y it’s intended…

Phew. And @MyrtlethePurpleTurtle that doesn’t sound funny either. Demented is a suitable word to use, also unkind.

Just say, “No thank you. But we’d love you to come when the baby is two weeks old” (or whenever your DH’s paternity leave ends) “as that will be more help to us. We want to be in our own bubble when the baby arrives.”

Or if you don’t want the sister to come at all, say “we’d love you, MIL, to come…” and to the SIL “and SIL we plan to visit the country on x date and we’re excited for you to meet the baby then.”

Be firm. If you offend them, oh well. You’ll have just had a baby and you want to feel comfortable. Make sure DH is in your corner. Put your foot down on this.