Can someone be too good/nice?

[EhatBow]

A man has recently joined our running club.

He joined us after meeting someone of our members at an event.He did them a favour and they got chatting. The rest, as they say, is history. He's very quickly been an absolutely integral core part of the group.

He's a proper deprived background working class middle aged man. Has some awful stories about his childhood and early adulthood. Seems like one of those rough round the edges with a heart of gold types.

He does things like always first to offer to buy the teas, buys birthday presents for members' young children, always remembers to ask about what you chatted about last time, first to give up his seat or to help at events.

All really lovely, there's just "something....."

Sounds like the issue is a gut feeling rather than whether he’s too nice IYSWIM.

i’d trust your gut, it’s unlikely to be wrong

hmm , trust your instinct

Trust your gut
is there a particular concern eg him handling money?

buying presents for the DC of people he just met - very weird.

I don't think it's possible for a person to be genuinely too nice. I think when we have alarm bells about someone like this it's usually because they are superficially nice rather than actually, genuinely nice iyswim. Always trust your gut about these people.

No not money. But he's a willing babysitter and "eligible" single man.

Is it the people with children that he's particularly nice to?

To quote a poster on MN on a similar thread:

Follow your gut - embrace your prejudices.

Well if he is hiding something he isn’t actually that nice then is he

But there’s no such thing as someone being too genuinely nice - other than they may be taken advantage of

No, it's everyone. Men and women, young and old, single and married, with and without children.

I don't know if he's hiding something or if all the niceness is genuine. He's never given me any reason to think it's not.

Is this a good or a bad thing?

There probably is an element of prejudice in my reaction to him. He is very "rough" with a troubled past.

What does 'trust your gut' mean in this situation?

What do the gut-trusters advise the OP actually do?

Not get too close to him or trust him

I LOVE this 😂

Is he interested in you OP? Run a mile. Pun not intended.

I don't know what it means 😆

What do the gut-trusters advise the OP actually do?

To paraphrase Gavin de Becker; Don't assume niceness is an innate quality; it isn't. Its a choice.
Its also a choice made by people who want you to lower your guard.

Sounds like a friend of mine, but she’s not a man.

Shes genuinely that nice- I’ve known her many years.

I couldn’t be bothered myself- I have enough friends, and don’t need to be so involved in the lives of people who are just acquaintances. I often wonder what drives that need in her, but I know it’s not anything to be concerned about, other than for her MH.

I don't know. Maybe, but he probably makes everyone feel he's interested 😆

If he's genuinely good....

Well, OP, if people are letting someone they've only known a short while babysit their children, that's odd and very shortsighted of them too.

He'll end up killing you one by one. I watch too many Midsomer Murders.

AFAIK know he's not babysitting for a night out etc, but he'll be the go to to leave a child with while they pop to the loo or get something from the car iyswim, but yes it does seem a bit odd when there will be lots of others there who have know the family much longer.

He's become a really central and active member of the club in a matter of months, which is lovely, but it usually takes people much longer.

Yes! There is that kind of vibe about it!

He's a really good runner and close with the fast men at the club, but once a week he does a slow (for him) run with my group, which is mostly women in their late 30s to early 50s. Perfectly legitimate in terms of a training plan and one of the reasons he is "in" with so many members, but it is unusual.

I remember a female joining a sports group once and an older female said to me. Where is her past friends and family. She’s so keen for new friends and it makes you wonder. As it was she probably was just wanting a fresh start and has married one of the men since and had a family. Still friends with alot of the group.

However I’ve remembered those words and noticed it in other situations. Sometimes they’ve been spot on. Trust your instincts , keep an eye on things and be on guard about motives but don’t let them totally override your ability to be open.

OK that is off; so has anyone used Clare's Law or Sarah's Law, or googled his name for convictions?