Acts of kindness gone wrong

[Cloudywithachancee]

Just had a memory pop back into my head from when I was in secondary school. This was probably around year 10/11. A girl I knew’s mum died of cancer and the whole class decided to do a whip around for her. We raised £100+ thinking she would donate to cancer research or something similar. She bought a new pair of doc martens and then wore the unauthorised boots to school every day.
Everyones face was definitely 🙄 but no one could say anything obviously as her mum just died.

Has anyone experienced anything similar?

God I really hope no one let it slip that the class thought she spent the money wrong. Imagine your mum dying and people doing a nice thing and giving you some money and then judging you for spending it wrong!!

The good thing is that your anecdote and this thread have allowed loads of mumsnetters to feel morally superior to you and have fun putting you in your place, so at least there's that.

This!

Why on earth would you not all be delighted for her that she had something to enjoy at that awful time in her life? What a strange way to view things.

Super weird! Why would you do a collection for someone and then find it weird they used it to buy something? If it was meant for charity then donate it to charity! Good for her tbh.

I hope she never knew she was judged so harshly. I can't believe after all this time you still think your stance was the right one.

😂

yeah that’s pretty crap of you all, I mean it’s not a gift for her in any way whatsoever, if your mum has just died it’s not any consolation being given £100 and then expecting to hand it over to charity

Yes, you do the collection then give the money to the charity, you don't gift it to the bereaved.

Pitchfork mob? Hardly.

And letting posters virtue signal by...accusing you of virtue signalling.

My dad died when I was at secondary school. Nobody said or did anything to console me, in fact I was pretty much given the cold shoulder because none of them knew what to say. So they got round the problem by avoiding me altogether. 🙁

No. You collect money and give it to the charity in that persons name.

you don’t collect the money and give to the bereaved to give to charity giving them one more fucking thing to do when their mum has just died and they’re FIFTEEN

It's traditional to donate straight to the charity yourself or at the funeral if that's what the family have requested.

Not to have a collection for a teenager and expect her to know that's what the money was for.

I'd have been delighted with how she spent the money and I lost my DF and DM to cancer. I hope to fuck she never realised what you were all thinking behind her back.

I agree with the (almost) unanimous answers. I think most people would have assumed the whip round was for them and not to give to charity. Poor girl, hope she didn’t notice any of the disapproval.

Aw man, I wish I'd gone to your school. They sounded lovely!

My dad died of cancer when I was in year 8 and I got no support whatsoever! Except my BFF handed me a sympathy card like it was my birthday 🙄. A substitute teacher wandered past at the time and said "ooh is it your birthday? Happy birthday!" I said "um no, my dad died." He was mortified, bless him.

But yes, if the money had been intended to go to charity then maybe the school should have had a charity fundraiser instead, where the money went straight there!

Are you saying that a 15 year old who had just lost her mum was wrong for thinking she could do what she wanted with this gift?

Maybe you should start a new thread’ has anyone started a thread that’s gone wrong’.
i agree with others but the thought you thought it when you were a teenager is one thing but you still do to this day is just awful .

Give OP a break - they thought they were collecting for a charity, despite not stipulating it. Recipient thought it was a gift for her.

I don’t agree the op clearly thinks the bereaved friend was in the wrong all these years later to start a thread on kindness gone wrong . Sorry but nobody is in the wrong for pointing this out . Although I do suspect the op won’t be back perhaps she will have a little think that at 15 you don’t still have the opinions now your a adult about what’s right and wrong .

Ffs OP. Don't start a potentially good thread like this with such a misleading OP again! I scrolled for ages to find some actual good deeds gone wrong.

This is exactly what I was thinking!

I really don't get why you think the act of kindness gone wrong. You and others did what you did to make her feel a bit better when she just lost her mum. She did what made her happy. It's really silly to assume what she should have used the money for. And even more weird to think about this years later.
It's mean and judgemental. It doesn't make you sound like a nice person at all.