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Original poster

Dh and ds age 8 had a big row today

64 replies

LovelyYellowLabrador · 28/07/2022 16:20

So dh had a voucher for a free milkshake with a main meal for a certain place

ds wanted to go to McDonald’s
but sigh convinced him to go to this other place saying it’s nicer
etc
was a food court so could ahev got both easily

anyway ds asked for a popcorn flavour shake
dh ignored him and ordered choc

so then ds got ina strop
dh bollocked him for being ina. Strop
so then ds was crying while we were all tryig to eat…
then almost being sick

now everyone’s fed up
I wasn’t there at time of ordering as I was helping dd with underwear shopping ….

OP posts:
JesusInTheCabbageVan · 28/07/2022 16:23

Your DH was out of order. Is he always like that? Poor DS.

Original poster
LovelyYellowLabrador · 28/07/2022 16:24

I’ve told him he was bullish

OP posts:
Original poster
LovelyYellowLabrador · 28/07/2022 16:25

When I told dh out of ear shot of ds
dh was being bullish
and why did he do that

dh starts getting mad at me
saying what good is it saying that now

ive said he’s an 8 year old kid and your an adult

OP posts:

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8 year olds
PeekabooAtTheZoo · 28/07/2022 16:30

He was being a BULLY. Why give a child a treat if it isn’t what they want? Seriously that’s not a treat. It’s just an adult lording it over a child to make themselves feel big.
Someone owes DS a nice treat and to listen to what he wants and give it to him.

Arrrrrrrrrgh · 28/07/2022 16:32

so then ds was crying while we were all tryig to eat… this is so lacking in empathy ot makes me sad.

Original poster
LovelyYellowLabrador · 28/07/2022 16:35

imagieb do someone said to you what drink do you want
you say Fanta
then they get you a coke and tell you not not be rude by being in a strop about it

OP posts:
Outlyingtrout · 28/07/2022 16:36

This is like something my dad would have done. None of his adult kids speak to him now.

Original poster
LovelyYellowLabrador · 28/07/2022 16:36

So now me and dh are tense as I’ve stick up for ds

ds got his popcorn milkshake and dh has said to him he will try and listen more next time
but that ds needs to speak up more

OP posts:
StaticRatic · 28/07/2022 16:40

Your DH is NOT teaching your DS to speak up.

He is a bully and is setting your DS up to fail whatever he does. Your DS asks for what he wants and needs? He learns that DH will ignore that. Then will blame him.

Mysaucepanbroke · 28/07/2022 16:40

Your DH is a bully. No wonder your DS cried and hyperventilated.

I used to hyperventilate and cry like that in secret because of my bully step dad. I’m 36 now and still need therapy. I am triggered by people shouting. I have low self esteem. I don’t believe I matter.

This is the future for your DS

Thatsenoughnow · 28/07/2022 16:41

He did speak up, your 'd'h is a victim blaming shit.

Seriously what is it with all these utter dickhead men at the moment? Bullying an 8 year old then telling him he should have spoken up.

Original poster
LovelyYellowLabrador · 28/07/2022 16:46

Ds did speak up
he asked for what he wanted

then he got bollocked

the daft thing is we had three vouchers for three free milkshakes
just to rub salt into the wounds

dh has said he’s going to try to listen more…..
ds said he always a says that

I need to consider what to do long term
my
concern is also if we both had custody
dh would probably be much worse with then. Then when he has them

he does act bullish

like because o haven’t agreed with dh about what happned today I’m in the wrong now too

OP posts:
Original poster
LovelyYellowLabrador · 28/07/2022 16:46

Dh only
defence is
he didn’t think he was that bothered about having a popcorn flavoured one …..

so he over ruled him
and ordered chocolate

OP posts:
Thatsenoughnow · 28/07/2022 16:47

If you split up then for at least half the time your poor little boy would have a home where he isn't getting bullied, then blamed for being bullied by his own father.

Original poster
LovelyYellowLabrador · 28/07/2022 16:49

dh didn’t get on with his stepdad and doenst like him
yet he can’t see how he does similar things that he would have hated

should I make dh apologise to ds

OP posts:
Goldbar · 28/07/2022 16:49

Does your DH normally have issues with listening to your DS? I'm not sure about being a bully although he doesn't sound like he was very nice to your DS, but it's incredibly witless of him to ask your DS what he wanted and then buy him something else.

My 4yo would not stand for that. It would be 'silly Daddy' and daddy would apologise and be sent back to buy the correct item. Why should your DS have to have something he doesn't want just because his dad can't be arsed to listen to him?

Original poster
LovelyYellowLabrador · 28/07/2022 16:49

Thanks for listening to me and making me feel it’s not me being ott
and over sensitive

OP posts:
Goldbar · 28/07/2022 16:50

LovelyYellowLabrador · 28/07/2022 16:46

Dh only
defence is
he didn’t think he was that bothered about having a popcorn flavoured one …..

so he over ruled him
and ordered chocolate

Why not just buy the child what he asked for???

Mysaucepanbroke · 28/07/2022 16:51

So he’s bullying you too.

Your son needs to know his opinions matter and his feelings are valid. He needs to feel loved and safe. That’s it. That’s all he needs and if you can do that alone - then do

Mysaucepanbroke · 28/07/2022 16:53

Yes he should bloody apologise!

“DS I am sorry for how I behaved today. You’re growing up now and you need to start making independent choices & I respect that. I love you”

and a cuddle. And move on.

quietnightmare · 28/07/2022 16:53

DH made a mistake perhaps he thought the chocolate one would be better. Move on

ElegantlyTouched · 28/07/2022 16:54

Why, exactly, did he not get the popcorn one? What is his reasoning?

StaticRatic · 28/07/2022 16:56

Is DH his step day or his biological father? @LovelyYellowLabrador

Ohthatsexciting · 28/07/2022 16:58

You weren’t there?

who told you this version?

Original poster
LovelyYellowLabrador · 28/07/2022 16:58

Yes ds is dh biological dad

just dh has a stepdad that is basically not a nice person and dh doenst like him

OP posts: