Dh and ds age 8 had a big row today

[LovelyYellowLabrador]

So dh had a voucher for a free milkshake with a main meal for a certain place

ds wanted to go to McDonald’s
but sigh convinced him to go to this other place saying it’s nicer
etc
was a food court so could ahev got both easily

anyway ds asked for a popcorn flavour shake
dh ignored him and ordered choc

so then ds got ina strop
dh bollocked him for being ina. Strop
so then ds was crying while we were all tryig to eat…
then almost being sick

now everyone’s fed up
I wasn’t there at time of ordering as I was helping dd with underwear shopping ….

How did the chat go op?

Turned into a bit an arguement as he thought I was making a big deal out of it
and not having his back etc
saodnim never going to blindly agree with you when you do thjngs I strongly don’t agree with

but after a while he did start to see my pov
he had already told ds he would listen more in future so after our chat he had another chat with ds and said same thjng again that he would listen more next time
i don’t think it’s going to happen again but we will see
Ds seems ok now
so I guess time will tell

The fact that on your third post you were taking about being concerned about custody arrangements if you split would indicate that this is a marriage in crisis OP

I’m guessing that your dh thought a popcorn flavoured shake would be utterly disgusting and thought your ds wouldn’t like it. That’s speaking from many experiences of dcs/Gdcs ordering something they think they’d like and then wasting it.

God yes I know that scenario well! Thats why on the odd occasion I have over ruled Ds choice.

On what basis are you making that assumption?

Her experience of parenting presumably

similar to mine. Sometimes you genuinely know better than your own child re what they will like and sometimes - yes you do overrule them because based on previous experience - they will prefer what you have chosen for them.

on this occasion - I would reckon it didn’t work out that way.

I can't stand adults who upset a child for the sake of it. He needs to work hard on reining in that bullying nature of his because that is exactly what it is.

I can tell you that something similar was done to me by my granddad (buying sweets I didn't like, when I'd carefully evaluated up the chocolate bar I wanted and it was the same price). I can tell you that your DS will remember it as random hurtful slight - it might not affect your DS's relationship with his dad but he will definitely remember it. A treat the child doesn't like is almost worse than no treat, to the kid anyway.

@Ohthatsexciting
Generally we explain why we've done that to our children. And there isn't anything in the OP's posts that suggests that's why the dad did it. The kid got his popcorn milkshake in the end. Nothing to suggest that he didn't like it.

Still, there are always women on MN who will stand up for men behaving like bullying arseholes to their kids.

Turned into a bit an arguement as he thought I was making a big deal out of it
and not having his back etc

Why should you have his back when he's just plain wrong? I pull DH up if he's out of order and he does the same with me. Blindly siding with the other adult even when they're totally in the wrong is stupid.

Totally agree and I’ve told dh this

Is your marriage aside from this issue in a poor state op?