Do people always get more bitter as they get older?

[mids2019]

Just this really.

Many of the young people I meet in their early 20s are full of hope for their future and engage with their careers with a passion and lack of cynicism.

Give it 30 years and divorce, career failures, boredom, family pressure etc. seem to drive the positivity of people replaced with world weary cynicism.

Is this always the case or are there means of staying young at heart?

I've always been a realist, and good at being content.

I think bereavement has made me more of a twat at times. Not proud of that.

Just grumpy with no fucks left to give.

I have generally found older family members and neighbours to be more mellowed out, well mannered, and better at conversation. I volunteered teaching pensioners (65+) to use computers, so a statistically biased sample, as it was a self-selecting group, seeking education, and positively predisposed towards me because I was helping them. They were without exception lovely people. I'm an atheist but I found the two nicest of all these wonderful older people were the most religious (a born again Christian man and a Muslim woman).

On the other hand there is the phenomenon of the "gammon" type that can be seen on the internet message boards, so it might be the in-person manners of older people mask inner selves seething with bitterness and hatred. But I think (perhaps it's wishful thinking) that bitter people are rare but prolific in spreading their poison on the web. I suppose I have met only the more outgoing pensioners, and those that are alone and isolated, perhaps unable to get out of the house, might turn towards bitterness.

I am much happier now that I am older. I was never bitter.

I grew up with one parent who was positive about everything, and one who wasn't, and they just became more of the same when they both got older and faced ill-health and death. Positive parent remained grateful for the kindness of those around them until the end, and thankful for the life they'd had. Negative parent became increasingly cross and bitter, which meant that people were less willing to spend time with them. I think I have elements of both in me, but at 60-ish, I'm trying quite hard to follow the positive parents path. Having said that, I don't think there's anything wrong with a bit of anger about all that's wrong with the world!

I agree that it is worrying. 15-20 years ago any mh problems would be used against you. Even in disguise on a forum I wouldn’t give my feeling unless it was altered. I think alot of the Trans/woke ever changing debates can also be a trap. I give no personal details at work, stay out of any discussions on the above issues and nobody can really get their claws into me, so to speak.

You have the right to say nothing lol.

You certainly wouldn’t want your young adult angst following you around your career.

I’m not bitter, I was born practical and have always been a bit of a cynic, that hasn’t increased with age.

SIL is bitter she never married or had children, and went through a period of hating anyone who had that. it’s a bit like a poison and at one point I avoided her because she was just so nasty. She lost friends at that point in her life, it was pain really but who wants abuse like that. When she criticised a friend of hers who was recovering from breast cancer and had been worried she would leave her two young lads motherless I realised just how bitter people can be.

I don’t think it’s age, I think it’s hurt.

As I age, and I 'm now late sixties, I see the world becoming more violent, there is less stability, food poverty on a massive scale, extremities of climate, a UK population which is increasingly selfish, a lack of basic good manners, too many people only half educated, and a government which basically isn't interested in improving the quality of life for poor people.
So yes, I'm bitter because I don't know what sort of world my grandchildren's children will inherit.

I’m mellowing out as I age. I’m less highly strung, less obsessive and have really closed ranks so that I prioritise the people and things that give me joy. I don’t sweat the small stuff anymore.

I will say that people my age (47) and older are more cynical and less open to learning new things which is quite sad. Even something as simple as music. They only listen to the same bands etc that they’ve always listened to and are not open to being introduced to new music. I love people to teach me new things, especially my kids who are a wealth of new information for me! I think it keeps you young at heart too

I'm not sure that being cynical is the same as being bitter .

I am fairly cynical, yes, about the work place, politics etc but the way that's affected me is that I no longer get worked up about things any more - I am a lot more accepting of either large scale things I cannot change, or smaller things which in the grand scheme of things won't be a worry in a few months time .

Mostly I'm fairly laid back. I read so many threads on here where people are getting offended about minor things, falling out with friends or family members over the slightest thing, or raging at their teenagers for some minor misdemeanour. So many things things which are really not that important .

One thing - I never bear a grudge and that is one thing that does make you bitter - hanging on to past grievances .

For context I'm late 50s.

I think whatever people's natural character is becomes more pronounced as they get older and they lose the inhibitions that manners social convention require of them. They get to that sought after state of not caring what people think and don't have to hide their true personality anymore.

For example, my mum has always been a bit woe is me and that's worse now. My dad has always been a worrier and that is much worse now, MIL was always a bit of a bitch, but would hide it in her interactions with most people, not anymore, but my sister's MIL was always a sweet sweet woman and still is in her 90s.

Sometimes it's bitter.

Mostly people just get sick of other people's bullshit the older they get.

I used to be a massive people pleaser. A complete doormat so concerned with other people's feelings at the expense of my own.

Proper "be kind" bollocks before it became a hashtag. The original I'll bend over, take it up the arse and apologise for the inconvenience mother of wet lettuces.

I am so over that now, having been shat on from a great height more times than I care to remember.

You just get so very tired of it all.

Surely that should be some people...

I'm the same age as you and I don't recognise myself in your description of other people our age either.

I'm 45 and I'm upset about not having children plus yes, I'm angry that my career ended due to developing Schizoaffective disorder.
But I take lots of meds which generally leave me feeling quite content with life and I don't come across as bitter!
My part time job is in healthcare and I like to think that I'm as kind and caring as when I started out at 24.
I can be a cynic when it comes to relationships but I always was as my parents divorced.
I think life is generally enjoyable though to be honest.

Plus I love educating myself in new subjects, I think you can never stop learning.

DH assures me that MIL was always bitter, otherwise I'd agree with you!

Yes. I have realised that I won't be rich, famous, or some other fantasy goal, but I don't mind, because I am so much more relaxed about everything than when I was younger.

I think it's down to lost opportunities, could have been this, that, dissatisfied with life, with end of life approaching it's time to take stock and if you feel achievements lacking you become bitter.

The cynicism part is just growing out of the idea we live in a high trust society where corruption is short lived and small in scope and realising it's endemic in every aspect of society and few people in power are to be trusted, if any, and no large organisations on the hole - which again can lead to bitterness if you grew up for a long time believing you were working within a high trust society to find out almost everything you tried to contribute was false because society is ravaged by corruption and selfishness.

But there is a way out. If you can see opportunity your whole life, and be grateful for what you already have, you can avoid bitterness even in the face of cynicism.

I'm 40 years old. I've built a happy life, my child is soon going to school and I'm going to have free time to create even more opportunity and I feel it's the beginning of a brand new life.

It's all about outlook.