Do people always get more bitter as they get older?

[mids2019]

Just this really.

Many of the young people I meet in their early 20s are full of hope for their future and engage with their careers with a passion and lack of cynicism.

Give it 30 years and divorce, career failures, boredom, family pressure etc. seem to drive the positivity of people replaced with world weary cynicism.

Is this always the case or are there means of staying young at heart?

Planet Normal

Yip.

Haven't experienced that but work in healthcare where you are deluged with looking after your MH messages where of course there is little sympathy from managers. Massive amount of PR.

Do the younger generations need to be taught about ignoring stuff like marketing and overtly saccharine PR operations?

I am definitely more mellow at 47 than at 27!
Ive come very very close to death so I expect that has some part to play in it and also
lost my daughter at the same time. I’ve become more prone to fighting for what’s right though (since I had my second DD who is severely disabled) and that too is a good thing

I am 53, Let it all come and let it all go, is how l live my life, most of what we worry about today won' t matter further on down the line. l am definately not bitter, if you look for the beauty in life you will find it, if you look for misery you will find it, l stay well away from the toxic media which is hell bent on spreading fear and hate. Life is all on you,.nobody elses responsibility but your own, its how you deal with the cards you are dealt with, and your determination to make the best with what you already have.

No but you have to work on your mental health and make an effort to feel the joy. Everyone complains about people showing gratitude but I still feel joy looking at a skyline, playing witth my cat, walking in nature, talking to close friends, meeting friends, love in relationships.

If I judged my life by all that had gone wrong I could justifiably write a horror story.

If I judged my life by all that went right, all that I over came, all the joy I feel it would be a wildly inspiring and magical testament of live to people, things places, animals and beliefs.

Yes people do us wrong. We also do them wrong. We can hate people forever ir we can let it ho, knowing the good we send out will come back to us in other ways and choose to keep trying with other people. I never understand when people decide “that’s it then”. WHY is that it? Go out there and try something else! Go meet someone more in tune with you. Denying yourself love fun and friendship benefits nobody. Your enemies certainly don’t care! I have decided not to be close to people who have continuously mistreated me but other than that health and safety, let it go. Someone has been mean? Go fill your soul with something joyful instead.

I have become more selfish. I have got rid of people in my life who are joysuckers and dramatic and I put myself first.

OP "Do the younger generations need to be taught about ignoring stuff like marketing and overtly saccharine PR operations?"

looking specifically at this rather than anything about bitterness

I have been rather alarmed lately that young people seem to believe the crap that HR peddle at work. I have been in treatment for A&D for decades. It is not something I would ever disclose in a professional context. Yes, I began treatment in the era when it was something to be ashamed of or to hide. But even if it isn't - I want personal and professional boundaries, which are vanishing. LinkedIn looks like a social or personal forum for many people now.

Some people mellow as they get older. I think I am probably kinder than I used to be or more understanding anyway. I am not bitter about anything but my life was more difficult when I was younger

Exactly this. I don’t want to engage with anyone because I have seen enough shit over the years.

@rnsaslkih

I did actually soften A LOT during lockdown, did a lot of self growth and sadly it all went to shit after I had to deal with two horrible situations and since then I couldn't give a flying fuck about anything or anyone unless it's those who are really close to me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not rude to anyone, just have zero time and I am very very wary and cautious because people don't always portray themselves as their real self and that's when things get messy, people get hurt and grow even more protective and closed off.

I am less reactive, I consider things more and I hold my tongue a lot.

I was quite fiery and passionate in my younger days.

I am also less tolerant of CF's, drama and random bullshit. I like this part of middle age, where I feel comfortable enough to say I have no time for this, I am not engaging in this, take it elsewhere.

I am all about the quiet life these days. It's delightfully dull. Zero bitterness.

Did you intend to prove the point?

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

This is the goal I think. I don't think older people are cynical and bitter. I think they have acquired the wisdom to understand what they cannot change and the focus to concentrate on those things. I don't think that state of frantic positivity and hopefulness that lots of us remember from our youth is anything to be aspired to and in fact tires us and distracts us from things that we actually have in our gift to change.

Do people always get more bitter as they get older?

Yes. It's one of the very few pleasing things about ageing.

Seriously though, I agree with other posters about 'mellowing' with age. I've always been relatively open-minded and tolerant if I compared myself to my peers, and I'm becoming even more so the older I get. I think the more you experience of the world and its inhabitants, the more you realise that human beings are pretty much all the same fundamentally, and I think that serves to destroy a lot of pre-conceived notions you might have about what motivates other people.

Having said all that, I'm also far more quick to reach the point where my tolerance for things I don't accept runs out, so while I'm definitely becoming more laid-back, I'm also becoming far more at ease with challenging behaviour and attitudes that I perceive as aberrant. It's for this reason I can totally understand why some middle-aged and older people are derided as "Gammon", "Karens", etc. Anyone who holds fundamentally different views and tolerances to you is going to be perceived as noxious, but I can see why these 'noxious' people become what they are through age.

I'm really trying to rein in feeling bitter but it's hard.

Do the younger generations need to be taught about ignoring stuff like marketing and overtly saccharine PR operations?

Actually I think they may do. Some of them may be playing the game themselves but not all of them are.

Eg there's a young woman at my work who is very open about her mental health difficulties which she has self diagnosed. She blogs and tweets and does podcast interviews all of which she shares on the intranet.

Now on the intranet itself the response is overwhelmingly all hugs and support and be yourself and bring your whole self to work. However I know that they've got her marked. People including me have been asked to 'keep an eye' on how she's interacting, is she being loud/disruptive and her output is closely monitored. I haven't engaged with this at all and have said I'm not comfortable with it but that doesn't stop management and HR doing as they please, I'm well aware.

She herself seems oblivious that there may be negative consequences for her from all this, it's actually frightening. I really wish I could find a way to advise her to tone it down but then I'd be the one who's being unsupportive and it would not end well. It's like watching a disaster in slow motion.

**Hadalifeonce · Yesterday 20:57

I am in my 60s, and I will no longer placate idiotic ideas, I will call out bullshit, and I will not tolerate rudeness or injustice. Yes, it has come with age, but also experience and the confidence to speak up.**

This is me too - 60 in December.

I'm also an optimist with a lot of younger friends and intend to grow old as disgracefully as funds and health allow.

Of course. You sadly learn as others have posted how selfish people inherently are and that they'd throw you under a bus. Sad but true.

I've definitely seen it in my family / friends and I really have to try and curb it in myself but I guess being dumped on, taken for a mug and having to deal with the pettiness of others over time takes it's toll.

I think I’m becoming less bitter, less judgmental and more earnest and pollyannaish as I get older.

What do you mean by ‘old’? This word is used all the time on on MN.

I am definitely more bitter, though I try to curb it. Things I never thought would happen to me have happened, so naturally I no longer have the foolish optimism of youth. And then there was the pandemic which ripped through my family

I stay well away from the toxic media which is hell bent on spreading fear and hate

This is crucial . I actually feel it affecting my energy when I turn on the news now. Totally toxic. I don’t engage with it anymore. Unfortunately OH is obsessed with news.

I've actually got less bitter as I've got older. I'm far more mellow now. And that's despite or maybe because of the numerous pretty shitty things that have happened to me. I think it's because I've lived through it all and I've come out the other side of things eventually so not much phases me because I know the wheel of life keeps turning and I will come through whatever it is eventually. I've learned to forgive people that have fucked me over because no amount of me hating them or wanting some sort of karmic revenge is going to make it happen-so it's a waste of energy.

I'm 47. I'm not 'more bitter' in any way. My life has been hard in many respects but I've made peace with much of it. And the rest - well, what can you do? Being angry with the world won't change it!

I find I'm less tolerant nowadays though. I'm less likely to give someone the chance to fuck me over more than once. I know my own limitations and I recognise that, by now, most people (like me) aren't going to change - what you see is what you get. But I'm also more forgiving of their human frailties.

I'm more pragmatic than I used to be.

I spent years raising my children as a single parent with only the support of my ex husband - he was a crap husband but has been a pretty decent ex to he fair. But I've also prioritised myself, my needs, my interests and so haven't really felt that I've 'lost' myself in any way. I'm having more fun than I did when I was younger!

And I don't have ageing parents to consider - one died when I was 37 and I'd gone NC with the other 6 months earlier. So, now my children are older, my free time is truly my own.

I never cease to be disappointed by other people but I never cease to be amazed by them either. I have few expectations of others - not because I'm jaded or bitter but because I understand that many people have a life/background/shit going on that impacts on them as much as mine impacts on me.

Just read through some of the other responses...

Yes, I have met, self proclaimed, Grumpy Old Men and Women. The ones constantly bemoaning the youth of today (anyone younger than them) who haven't found peace and serenity in their lives and blame others for everything. I suspect they were always thus, though. I know many younger people like this.

I think that 'bitterness' is a perception from others. A response to people reaching an age when they think, fuck this and do are just less likely to tolerate shit. That's not bitterness though. That's just confidence, experience and boundaries which, as this site shows, are in shorter supply in your youth.

I'll happily call out bullshit when I see it. And #BeKind doesn't seem to mean the same to other people as it does to me...

But I'm not 'bitter'. I'm just realistic!