Do people always get more bitter as they get older?

[mids2019]

Just this really.

Many of the young people I meet in their early 20s are full of hope for their future and engage with their careers with a passion and lack of cynicism.

Give it 30 years and divorce, career failures, boredom, family pressure etc. seem to drive the positivity of people replaced with world weary cynicism.

Is this always the case or are there means of staying young at heart?

I was fun loving in my 20’s, had so many dreams and ambitions, completely knackered from child rearing in my 30’s now at 49 I am a self confessed miserable old bitch!
My husband on the other hand was a complete grumpy hot head in his 20’s and now at 50 is completely laid back and easy going.
Maybe it’s hormones!?
Or maybe women get the shittier end of the stick of life.
I still have hope I’ll return back to my fun loving self one day.

I am so much nicer than i was when young, less angry more kind have more empathy etc. However I have a life I enjoy a wonderful kind thoughtful dp a job i retrained in at 50 and I look forward to work everyday so that helps.

I’m in my 60s. I think being a Christian helps. One trusts God to put right the injustices of this world in the next. And meanwhile tries to do some good oneself. There is no doubt that one’s youthful naivety gets ground down by bereavement, illness, disappointment, etc, but that doesn’t automatically lead to bitterness, just sadness, and a loss of any spontaneous sense of fun. There is still enjoyment to be had, but it takes more effort.

I think you just talk less about changing the world and more about everyday things. You know more people who are sick or horribly, dying, you’re more tired and since my 40s I’ve had more physical issues and when I talk to my friends they’re in the same place. I am still very positive but definitely not the same as I was in my 20s when life hadn’t gotten difficult yet

Also I was thinking the other night about all the self care I put in before I got older, all the sleep I got … it’s something we should all try to find a way to match as we get older!!!

Me too. I think I am a much calmer, more chilled person than I was in my 20s and 30s.

The most pathologically optimistic human I know happens to be in his mid 50s.

I sometimes joke about him that he'd describe the literal end of the world as "a stellar opportunity to be at the forefront of a greenfield approach to the next gen world 2.0".

Unfortunately for me, he's my boss, which means it happens to be my job to occasionally get him back in touch with reality!

In general, though, I suppose people get more realistic as we age. That can go either way, really. I used to fret and worry about all sorts of things back in my 20s that, nowadays, I mostly shrug off.

I am in my 60s, and I will no longer placate idiotic ideas, I will call out bullshit, and I will not tolerate rudeness or injustice. Yes, it has come with age, but also experience and the confidence to speak up.

When I look back on my life I realise I should have looked after number one a lot more . I can clearly see what I should have / not have done .

If that is true, I can sort of see why.

I speak to a large number of people 80+ through work & there are certain elements of life that just don't work for many of them. A big thing is for so much these days we are told to "just do it online", or to scan a QR code or download an app etc. Of course plenty of people of all ages are tech savvy but I speak to a lot who are just confused & frustrated with it all.

Also there are frustrations that can come with failing health, loss of hearing, eyesight or mobility perhaps. The realisation that certain things you always thought you would achieve probably will no longer happen.

I'm only mid 40s but already at the stage where you know that things don't always happen for a (good) reason and actually for some people life is actually just really unfair from start to finish.

Bitter, no. Cynical, definitely!

sadly we are less tolerated by society as we age, it can make you a little bitter I guess.

Let see,I had the stamina to drink like a fish in my early 20's and had no kids.

Now the thought of a hangover sounds awful. So I probably am "boring" compared to my huge party days. Do I miss the fun? yes I do, but can I be arsed with it all,no!

My inner girlyness has come out with age, which I am embracing with wearing mostly bright colours and bright crocs and I don't give a flying fuck what anyone thinks.

I'm not old old yet (late 40s) but when I was younger I was more worried about things. Now I worry less, much happier, very optomistic and pretty pollyanna ish a lot of the time.

You read all the time of young people suffering anxiety and depression, anxious about climate change, the economy, war, just about everything. Anxious about SM, Anxious about their appearance, having fillers and needing the filter and photoshop themselves. very sad.

I've come to realise worrying gets you nowhere, racism, homophobia and all the nasty things in life are beyond my control. I can't take responsibility for husband, older children and even youngers need to take some responsibility. very liberating.

The title of your post asks if people get more bitter, then you go on to ask about cynicism. The two are not the same. I’m 63. I am not at all bitter, but I have a healthy amount of cynicism. I am also a glass half full, optimist.

I have definitely got more cynical as l have got older....l was full of enthusiasm in my youth but sadly have come to realise not everyone treats other as they wish to be treated so you end up thinking well fuck it, l will be selfish too. But l am OK with that now although took a long time to learn it is ok to not outnithers' needs before my own- turning 40 was a turning point for me. So liberating.

absolutely this...I mean you'd be an idiot if you didn't learn from stuff that happens....but that doesn't mean that you lose hope, love, sharing, compassion...but you do filter all of those things through the lens of experience....or hopefully you do.

The cheats suckers and grudgers model, while a blunt tool, is also an intersting one. www.math.utah.edu/~cherk/teach/3150/3150-12/selfish_gene.pdf

I'm definitely bitter about younger people. I loathe them with a burning passion. I don't want to see or be around their collagen and elasticity. They can all just fuck off quite frankly.

Some do some don’t

I feel pretty good as I get older (late 40s)

I get this . Some lovely people get more than their share of shit and for some nasty entitled shits everything falls their way . For most of us it's ups and downs , bitter / sweet x

In terms of engage with their careers with a passion and lack of cynicism, wait until they have been made redundant a few times through no fault of their own due to some dickhead CEO’s ‘restructuring’ plan, enacted by his lying two faced HR gestapo. That’s the same dickhead CEO who had a few weeks before referred to the business as a ‘family’, and the same HR gestapo who pretended to be your friends at last year’s Christmas party. 🙄

That soon knocks the idealism out of you.

I've had a realitively charmed life. Age of 47: goodish rewarding career, married with one child, home and dog. Not what I envisaged for myself aged 15-25 though.

I've had my knocks: sacked while pregnant, death of parent, infertility, dependency. Seen others' knocks in life - some obviously way worse than mine. No-one, no matter how perfect seeming has had some rain in their life.

Of course some of this makes you sad and/or bitter. You can't really compare the aspirations of a young person with the life outlook of an older person. They should complement each other, not be contrasted.

I'm in my later fifties and a lot of my friends are at retirement. There are a lot of disappointed people. They had hopes to make something of themselves but once you retire it can seem it's as good as it's going to get for the rest of your life. So those who feel they have 'made it' are looking forward to their retirement. Others are pissed off with their lot and jealous of their peers.

Cynical or realistic?

Life experience does impose a level of realism that we do not have when we start out - we learn new things about the world every day and some of them are not great.

On a positive note, I do think I have become more tolerant as I have got older - mainly because I have become more realistic about my own failings, so more understanding of those of others.