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Original poster

How often dose you child/children see they’re grandparents

91 replies

Abbiewilliams96 · 21/07/2022 16:53

I have a 6 year old son and my mother is complaining that she don’t have him on her own at weekends. She comes to see him every day Monday-Friday straight after school and takes him out with his football and to the park. She’s now complaining about now seeing him at weekends. Me and partner usually take him out at weekend and have family time and also my partner likes to visit his family with our son weekends too. I’m just wondering how often your parents see your child/children.

OP posts:

Original poster

Abbiewilliams96 · 22/07/2022 10:47

I feel like I have no time with son except for weekend when we don’t see her. She also said now that the summer is here I’ll start coming up on a Sunday evening too! I love seeing my mother and her spending time with her grandson but you are all right I do need to cut down the time as I feel I don’t get any time with son and our little family. My mother dose over step the mark quite often. She’ll but in if I’m telling my son off is he’s naughty. She questions what we’re giving him for dinner ect. She compares my son to other kids also. As soon as she sees him after school she’s straight away onto him what shall we do, shall we do this and if he doesn’t want to do something she’ll say or your boring or your miserable. Sometimes he just wants to come in and chill after school. She’ll also compare him to other children. My mother is a very opinionated person. She’ll come into my house and criticise where I keep things and try and organise my
stuff to how she would have it, furniture that I’ve bought and says oh that’s to small I get rid of that ect. If your not doing the same as she would it’s wrong and that’s the way she is. When we’re out she’ll criticise what people are wearing and comment on peoples weight which is terrible.

My nan (my mothers mum) is the same. She calls everyday to see if I’m going to call into her house after the school run everyday. I love visiting my Nan but again everyday she wants us to go up there. She turns up to our house every day unannounced. Every morning this week I've come back from the school the run and I’ve not been at home for no longer than 10 minutes and my Nan is outside my house shouting my name and knocking on all the windows to see if I’m home. She leaves me voice messages everyday to see where I am and what I’m up to. My Nan has been alone for the last two years and I know she gets lonely. I do see her about 3 times a week. She doesn’t leave the house and gets very bored. We’ve tried to get her to join clubs but she always says she doesn’t need it. I feel like sometimes she uses me to try and help her boredom with out sounding nasty.

I’m due baby no2 in 4 weeks and just want to enjoy this time and not feel like I don’t have my
own life. When I’m home with baby I want to have some time with my partner and our son to meet his baby brother but I know that’s not going to happen and I just don’t want any arguments. I also don’t want to often them either

OP posts:

anonymoooose · 22/07/2022 10:50

Mum lives about 2 minute drive from me and I'm usually there once a week however we FaceTime everyday in the evening when she gets in from work

emmathedilemma · 22/07/2022 11:12

blooming heck I couldn't be doing with that, it must feel like you've never moved out of home! I'd have upped-sticks and moved at least an hour away by now!
It's nice to have them on hand and that she wants to do things with your son but it doesn't really sound like a healthy relationship, particularly as she decides she's coming without any consultation with you first.

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GretaVanFleet · 22/07/2022 11:40

We were very lucky, PIL lived <2miles away and they saw them every weekend and my parents live in the next street so again they saw them every week too. Now they’re 23 & 21 whenever they are home they make sure they see their GPs. We took great comfort when FIL and then 6mo later MIL died that they had known their GC well and had been in their lives so actively. They speak so fondly of them and it’s lovely hearing their memories of my PIL. I’m dreading losing my parents but my 2DC are lucky to have them so interested in how they’re doing, know what they’re like as adults and that they have a good laugh together. 2DC playing Cards Against Humanity with my parents was one of the funniest moments ever.

Cherrysoup · 22/07/2022 12:10

This would drive me insane. Does your dp not get totally fed up with it? I couldn’t cope with that at all. You need to put some boundaries in place, even if it causes issues and they get upset. I’d move away, tbh. It’s way too much.

Tdcp · 22/07/2022 12:12

Not for 2.5 years, her choice. Before then I'd go over once a month (she was an hour away)

I see my nan when I can, two or three times a year, but she's around 4 hours away

BottlingBurpsForGrandma · 22/07/2022 12:17

Every day is a bit much bùt I understand wanting to see him for a bigger chunk of time occasionally at weekends.

We see my parents casually maybe 3 times a week - not always all of us or both of them. Then we meet up for a meal / day out / walk maybe every other weekend for maybe 3 hours or so.

I see my own grandma every week with a selection of children.

orbitalcrisis · 22/07/2022 12:17

A couple of times a month when they were little, a couple of times a year as they got older. We live about 15 miles away.

Steakcutchipswithsteak · 22/07/2022 12:28

I think that you are doing your child a massive disservice by not having mum and child time. It's time to put your big girl pants on and tell your mum she's welcome once a week, she listens to your rules and that's it. She'll get angry or tantrum but that's too bad. You have to put your childrens needs above her wants.

StClare101 · 22/07/2022 13:08

2-3 times per year. They are a 3hr flight away.

Abcdefgh1234 · 22/07/2022 13:16

Once in 3 years because my mum lives in southeast asia 🥲🥲

NumericalBlock · 22/07/2022 13:25

My Mum once a week, sometimes less. DHs Mum a few times a year. My Dad a little more often.

We're moving much closer and likely will change that to seeing the grandmothers numerous times a week in short spurts and ad hoc childcare. MIL has a big garden so I'm going to ask to use it for our dogs morning exercise when husband is at the office so I don't need to get up at 4/5am and walk her before DH goes 3 days a week so we'll likely see her then as well.

Runningincircles · 22/07/2022 13:28

Once or twice per year.

ZenNudist · 22/07/2022 13:28

In your shoes I'd move far away.

NC1843 · 22/07/2022 13:54

DH parents, once every 6 weeks or so (live +2hrs drive away). My parents 2-3 times a year (7 hours drive away). DD is 2.

I'd find weekly visits overwhelming, let alone daily.

Sartre · 22/07/2022 14:59

MIL pretended she wanted to be a stellar hands on Grandma when I was pregnant with DC1 but the reality has been very different. I think she’s seen DC no more than 10 times and only actually looked after them on her own once when I had an emergency dentist appointment. FIL travels a lot with work so he’s away for months at a time, we see him every few months as a result. My Dad has never met them… his choice. My Mum is the best Grandparent but even she only sees them every other month.

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