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Original poster

Is it bad manners to give your adult dc ideas of what you'd like for your birthday?

57 replies

LemonSunchine · 21/07/2022 11:11

I'm thinking of very low cost ideas. Things you might not buy yourself but would be delighted to receive. Or is it better to say nothing & be grateful regardless?

OP posts:
mumonthehill · 21/07/2022 12:12

We have Amazon lists each and pop in little things we might like, so a book etc and then when birthdays or Christmas come around we can look at each other’s.

aSofaNearYou · 21/07/2022 12:15

I would normally wait to be asked but I don't think it's massively rude.

nomoneytreehere · 21/07/2022 12:22

I think its tacky and very materialistic. Also your adult children should be concentrating on their own lives not buying you things off of a list. I regularly treated my parents by the way but if i ever asked what they wanted the answer was a firm nothing!

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MuddlerInLaw · 21/07/2022 12:28

Also your adult children should be concentrating on their own lives

GrinConfusedHmm

I’m an adult. My remaining parent is very much part of my life. I’d be astonished if any adult who doesn’t have a terrible relationship with their parents feels otherwise.

MrsMaverick · 21/07/2022 12:28

I just put a wish list on the family Whatsapp a couple of weeks before in case anyone needed ideas.
I got everything on the list 😂

Chocoqueen · 21/07/2022 12:30

Not at all. I much prefer being given ideas for presents - otherwise you end up buying something they don't want, which is just a waste.

woodhill · 21/07/2022 12:55

@LemonSunchine

I've seen threads where parents have asked for very expensive gifts when their dc are struggling financially.

IHateWasps · 21/07/2022 13:08

Also your adult children should be concentrating on their own lives not buying you things off of a list

What a bizarre attitude. My parents are part of my lives and living my own life doesn't mean that I can't buy them gifts as they buy gifts for me,

Mrsjayy · 21/07/2022 13:12

nomoneytreehere · 21/07/2022 12:22

I think its tacky and very materialistic. Also your adult children should be concentrating on their own lives not buying you things off of a list. I regularly treated my parents by the way but if i ever asked what they wanted the answer was a firm nothing!

I am not sure what you are on about. Do you mean adults shouldn't be buying birthday gifts for other adults or just their parents?

Mrsjayy · 21/07/2022 13:13

woodhill · 21/07/2022 12:55

@LemonSunchine

I've seen threads where parents have asked for very expensive gifts when their dc are struggling financially.

Have you ? I can't say I've seen any of these threads

devonianBiatch · 21/07/2022 13:20

My kids are still late teens/ youngish adults but they have always been aware that I don't need expensive gifts. They know I love notebooks, pens, lindt balls, socks, pjs, fudge and baking. They also know I love home made things so I often get hand made cards, poems, cakes etc.

jay55 · 21/07/2022 13:45

I always ask what they want. Unless I've had an amazing idea but that is infrequent.

woodhill · 21/07/2022 13:46

There was an expensive £60 candle one and another one where a dad requested a £600 present

EdithWeston · 21/07/2022 13:49

I think its quite sensible, but you need to be tactful so you don't come across as a gimme pig.

I'd usually have an autumn conversation about what they might like, and drop in something along the lines of 'do you need ideas for your DDad or anyone else?'

SirenSays · 21/07/2022 13:51

No unless you like very generic gifts I think lists are best. We make lists and we always make sure there are options for every budget on there.

caringcarer · 21/07/2022 13:54

My kids ask me what I'd like. Last summer I got a lovely new chair to take to the cricket to sit in but not a heavy one to carry. My son asked me to send him a link. My dd has less money as has dc so I told her I would like flowers. I don't see anything wrong with saying what you'd like providing it is within their budgets.

Hbh17 · 21/07/2022 14:17

There's a massive assumption here that people want to buy presents for another adult. Why not just come to an agreement that there's no need to buy any presents - most of us don't need any more "stuff" and birthday celebrations for adults are just a bit embarrassing. But, yes, an adult asking for gifts does make me feel uncomfortable and as for a spreadsheet..... just no!

aSofaNearYou · 21/07/2022 14:24

Hbh17 · 21/07/2022 14:17

There's a massive assumption here that people want to buy presents for another adult. Why not just come to an agreement that there's no need to buy any presents - most of us don't need any more "stuff" and birthday celebrations for adults are just a bit embarrassing. But, yes, an adult asking for gifts does make me feel uncomfortable and as for a spreadsheet..... just no!

Or you could not come to the arrangement that there's no need to buy adults gifts because it's a nice thing to do and you do enjoy it.

woodhill · 21/07/2022 14:25

I like having presents from my adult dc, often treats I wouldn't buy or experiences with dh

felulageller · 21/07/2022 14:36

I thought it was normal to have a list. Then DP divides that up into who gets what. We do that for everyone.

IHateWasps · 21/07/2022 14:38

Or you could not come to the arrangement that there's no need to buy adults gifts because it's a nice thing to do and you do enjoy it.

Exactly! I love my parents and enjoy treating them and buying them things that they'd like. I don't think that's uncommon or weird. I don't see what's embarrassing about celebrating adults birthdays either.

TimBoothseyes · 21/07/2022 15:01

My birthday is 25th December. DD practically begs me to tell her want I want for my birthday just so she has at least 1 present sorted 😄

uncomfortablydumb53 · 21/07/2022 15:07

I have 3 adult DS's who buy me a joint present of around £100.. after years of asking and me saying" Keep your money for yourself!)
Last year they gave me an Apple HomePod which I absolutely love( after they set it up for me!)
It's not rude at all and I've thought of a couple of ideas for this year already)

nooonakedjacuzziness · 21/07/2022 15:28

I know a woman whose adult children asked what she wanted for her birthday and she said "I don't know, just give me the money" - now that's cheeky fuckery!

IHateWasps · 21/07/2022 15:30

I know a woman whose adult children asked what she wanted for her birthday and she said "I don't know, just give me the money" - now that's

I'd probably word it a little differently but I wouldn't have a problem with a close relative asking for money if that's what they'd prefer.

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