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Original poster

Is it bad manners to give your adult dc ideas of what you'd like for your birthday?

57 replies

LemonSunchine · 21/07/2022 11:11

I'm thinking of very low cost ideas. Things you might not buy yourself but would be delighted to receive. Or is it better to say nothing & be grateful regardless?

OP posts:
Footbal · 21/07/2022 11:16

Perfectly reasonable. I would prefer to buy a present that somebody wants. I always ask what loved ones would like as a birthday/Christmas gift.

salcombebabe · 21/07/2022 11:17

Not at all! My two always ask me for ideas of what I’d like for my birthday/Christmas

MissyB1 · 21/07/2022 11:19

I send a group message to my boys whenever Christmas or my birthday are coming up. I give a short list and make it clear I only want one thing off the list.

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IHateWasps · 21/07/2022 11:25

I don't see a problem with it. I prefer people to tell me what they'd like as a gift so that they aren't disappointed and with someone as close as a parent it wouldn't be an issue at all imo.

CustardGoodJamGoodMeatGood · 21/07/2022 11:26

I always ask my parents what they'd like for Christmas, my dad is the hardest person in the world to buy for so I'd rather get something he needs/wants rather than pointless rubbish that'll get thrown in a cupboard!

LurpakAspirations · 21/07/2022 11:27

Completely reasonable. In my family, we still ask each other to do a wish list before birthdays and Christmases!

mdh2020 · 21/07/2022 11:29

We all circulate lists for birthdays. Why waste money on things people don’t want? I just got perfume and two books that I wanted. I’m hoping DS has asked DD what I want. He spends a lot of money on things I don’t want and give away. Surprises can be fun. A guide book to somewhere I’m going was a nice gesture but sometimes I despair. I would much sooner buy someone something they have said they want/ need. I bought DS two guitar strings!

Eileen101 · 21/07/2022 11:34

Definitely ideas please. My mum is helpful like that. MIL doesn't, and is much harder to shop for Confused

ExclamationMarc · 21/07/2022 11:40

It's not unless you know the DC in question personally finds this rude or there was a huge backstory about them getting a gift wrong they may feel sensitive about it.
Usually people ask the birthday girl or boy what theyd like and to send them ideas rather than the birthday girl or boy volunteering gift ideas and send them out which feels 'beggy' unless you are really close with each other I suppose (husband and wife for example)

TheFlis12345 · 21/07/2022 11:41

I wish my parents would! If I ask they just say ‘oh I don’t need anything’ or ‘don’t waste your money on me’.

Mrsjayy · 21/07/2022 11:42

Mine always ask me I give them a few ideas and let them crack on.

Blankbias · 21/07/2022 11:47

Definitely give them ideas. My parents are so difficult to buy for and I love it when they give me ideas!

Summerslam · 21/07/2022 11:48

My adult DC always ask me for ideas - they are really good at thoughtful presents.

CaptainMyCaptain · 21/07/2022 11:50

Perfectly fine. Mine always asks.

blobby10 · 21/07/2022 11:50

Mine always ask me! And I ask them! I also ask my parents but, like most 70 somethings they have everything they need and just buy anything they want!

Holly60 · 21/07/2022 11:50

Yea definitely a good idea. I was brought up that it was always polite not to ask for anything but as an adult I appreciate it so much.

DH's family always send ideas/lists and it saves so much time. I'm a convert and my own family is slowly converting now too.

I actually think it's the polite thing to do now as it saves people so much time and angst!

FourTeaFallOut · 21/07/2022 11:51

Our dm has no choice, we jockey to get first dibs on any passing idea that will save us from generic gifts .

moonlight1705 · 21/07/2022 11:53

My family have a google spreadsheet which we can all access. You can out ideas and links about presents throughout the year so when it's a birthday or Christmas then everyone has a clue what to get 😀

SlowingDownAndDown · 21/07/2022 11:55

An odd question if you brought them up.
They’d probably only think it rude if you’d said so.

Dilbertian · 21/07/2022 11:59

Not at all. It's part of the joy of your dc growing up. It's lovely to have moved on from the phase when I expressed happiness with whatever tat the dc gave me because I knew they'd saved up their pocket money to get me something they thought would please me, to receiving something that actually does please me.

Spino · 21/07/2022 12:00

After receiving a number of gifts that weren't useful/needed/wanted (mainly from my dh) I now always tell my family what I would like, and vice versa. Some people are naturally good at buying presents, however, others (like dh) are not.

woodhill · 21/07/2022 12:01

No it's fine as long as it is not too expensive

Remember the candle threadSmile

Justcallmebebes · 21/07/2022 12:02

I always ask people, including kids and grandkids, if there's anything they want or need and they do likewise. Saves buying stuff people don't particularly want. No one takes offence

Original poster
LemonSunchine · 21/07/2022 12:09

moonlight1705 · 21/07/2022 11:53

My family have a google spreadsheet which we can all access. You can out ideas and links about presents throughout the year so when it's a birthday or Christmas then everyone has a clue what to get 😀

This is great

OP posts:
Original poster
LemonSunchine · 21/07/2022 12:09

woodhill · 21/07/2022 12:01

No it's fine as long as it is not too expensive

Remember the candle threadSmile

I was thinking, under a tenner, under a fiver.

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