upset by letter from school

[elliejjtiny]

I know it's not the school's fault and it's a generic letter sent out to everyone in ds's class but this letter has made me surprisingly emotional.

Youngest DS is going into year 4 so we got the usual letter of "your child is now old enough to walk home on their own, sign here if you give permission or tick the box to say you will carry on collecting them from school". DS is autistic. We have special permission to park in the staff car park when we pick up and drop off because he is not safe near roads, even with an adult. I normally try and ignore what other children his age can do that he can't but this one has hit me like a ton of bricks for some reason. Can't quite believe that he is so far behind his peers that they can walk home on their own and he can't walk a couple of streets from school to the car with an adult.

How far away is the school? My dd is going into year 5 and doesnt walk home alone and hasn't received a letter. I realise your circumstances are different. Try to focus on what he has achieved x

Sometimes it’s the little things like that which really hit home. I think it’s a shame school didn’t think on a just not send that one home with him

I'm so sorry, that must be so hard.

My child never walked home alone in year 4, 5 or 6. Schools in my opinion have no right to say stuff like this.

And Op it's ok to feel as you do. It must be hard.

It’s strange how the oddest things hit the hardest, isn’t it? I’m sorry this one got you. I don’t know if that many kids will walk too and from themselves. Our junior school is very local but even then not that many Y5 and Y6 walk themselves.

Schools need to know if they need to keep hold of the child and only release to a parent or if they are free to go. How else you suggest they gather this info other than by letter/email?

I’m sorry. They probably thought it was best to send the letter out to all students and let parents make a decision rather than excluding some.

My y4 son is useless with road safety so he’s never been allowed to go anywhere alone and he has no additional needs.

It's hard, really hard. The school could have perhaps thought a little more carefully about sending this letter out, although I am
Sure the staff are pushed at the moment with so many competing priorities, particularly at Thai time of year.

My eldest DD has autism, and only started going into school on her own at around 14, and many of here peers are still being driven by parents or getting floor to door school transport (she is 18 now).

It is has been hard to see her not doing things at the same time as others, however please focus on how you adapt to make sure your son gets to enjoy a full life. He just blends a few adaptions.

Also, for what it is worth, the primary school my children went didn't allow children to travel on their own until the last half term of year 6, and many schools round here run on similar time scales. It does seem your school allows this quite early, by today's standard.

Another here who would not let their primary school child walk home. Just because something is ‘allowed’ by school doesn’t make it the right thing for all children. I think the school have worded this badly.

I’m shocked they said year 4.

Our school is minimum year 5, preferably year 6.

Im sorry they didn’t think twice before sending out the letter to you though

Thankyou all. @teaandtoastwithmarmite school is 1.5 miles away and the route involves crossing a busy A road so I doubt very much I would have given permission even if he was nt. So I feel a bit daft being upset about it. But he couldn't walk home on his own even if we lived next door to the school.

It maybe a 3 tier system where children start middle school at year 5 and most will then walk themselves.

Teacher here- Year four seems very young to walk home. I've taught in various schools and this type of letter is normally reserved for year 6. I understand you're upset but really at that age, I wouldn't expect them to walk home.

I'm sorry that you're upset, little things can be suprisingly painful.

The letter does mean that year four is the minimum age that they would allow a child to walk home, not the expexted age. There will most likely be many other kids in his class who are not ready to walk home alone too.

@Soubriquet no, it's a reception to year 6 primary school.

I work with 8-10yos and there's only half who I'd let walk somewhere by themselves... in my experience many who have permission either live across the road from the school or the kid just finds their parents car. Or they will go with a sibling in Yr6.

Yeah it can be the little things can't it sometimes. They probably thought it best not to leave anyone out of the letter sending.

Mine can walk from year 6 with permission, my youngest is in year 4 now and has asd, not sure if he'll be able to yet or I'll still be walking with him so I get how you feel.

My older 2s school were allowed to walk home from year 4, they had a ban on parents in the playground when they moved up to junior school

Of course they have the right to say this, it should be parental choice.

Op, I am sorry it has hit you like this, I often find the big issues we may have covered in our worries and in our thoughts but it is things we have never considered that suddenly knock us sideways.
There will be lots of NT children that are a long way from being ready but appreciate that's not the same anyway. [Flowers]

If it makes you feel any better there is no way I would have let my NT year 4 DS walk to school on his own and we live 5 mins away. His road awareness was very poor. We started practising in Y5 and he started end of Y5/ start of Y6. But I wouldn’t have let him if it was a mile and a half ago.

My son is autistic, and I find that sometimes its things like this that really hit me as well. (Though i’m sure it was a genuine mistake and I know your not suggesting otherwise).
its moments where it hits you that your child has challenges that other children don’t. Moments where the reality of the situation just take your breath away for a while. It happens to me everytime I read a hospital letter or official report etc, its seeing things written down. My son is a teenager but it still happens to me, I go through stages, at the moment its happening often as the differences between him and the vast majoity of his peers is widening.
I don’t really have any advice, but its ok to feel sad/angry (insert emotion!), have you got any friends who would understand, I find that talking to someone who gets it can be helpful.

Don't be sad. Your little boy will get there eventually. Mine is 9 and also autistic and won't be walking himself to school until at least secondary. But I know he'll get there, he just needs a bit more time and support than his peers. His occupational therapist one said that a rule of thumb is to think of them as 2/3rds of actual age. Nobody would sensible think it's ok to let a 6 year old walk alone. That helps me because it reminds me that he is still developing and advancing, just at a different rate

They shouldn’t have sent you that letter. How insensitive!

Schools like to think they can dictate this kind of thing but actually, they can’t. It’s up to a child‘s parents to decide.

Hugs. It’s so true how the little things can hit you. For me recently it was a picture on the school Facebook page of some of DDs peers singing in the choir. She used to love singing but now is a tightly wound up ball of anxiety who wouldn’t entertain the idea of joining the choir for even a split second

I would reply to it and copy in HT, Deputy HT etc and point out that their wording
'your child is old enough to walk home on their own' is factually incorrect. Point out a few reasons why and suggest they use wording along the lines 'If you are happy for child to walk home on their own, pop into the office and sign a disclaimer'..... Might make them rethink.