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Original poster

Social Workers can be monsters..

72 replies

Glbx22 · 16/07/2022 12:52

Not sure if I'm on the right section or anything..new to mumsnet..

Basically currently going through a custody battle with my ex over our 4 year old. Currently working through a section 7 report which is being done by social services.

Our social worker is an absolute c* to me. He's been out to get me and gunning for me since day one. I was the one who was abused by my ex-partner and also his new partner. It was me who applied for court. My ex is obviously denying this and turning it and saying I am the one who is abusive the social worker has now decided it is me who is abusive. My ex is also causing trouble and saying that I am abusive to my husband. This social worker had my husband in for interrogation yesterday and reduced him to tears because he was putting pressure on him and asking if I've ever done this or that and continuously kept saying I am abusive to him. The social worker has also said that I am harming my child and putting him at risk. He is biased, prejudice and I believe sexist. He has already chosen not to listen to me or believe anything I am saying. There is evidence of police records about my ex and his partner, and other reports I had made however the social worker is just choosing to go on rubbish he's being told and gossip and hear say.

I have complained about him to his manager on more than one occasion and said I won't work with him and I need a different worker to do this report because I definitely do not stand a fair chance otherwise. I don't think she will do much so I also made an official complaint to the council. I have involved my solicitor now too. I also told my Women's Aid support worker and she tried talking to the social worker and he just wouldn't listen to her.

Has anyone else experienced really bad treatment from social workers? Please share so I know I am not on my own here. I think he's disgusting and this is at the worst possible time too.

Thank you x

OP posts:
MissyCooperismyShero · 16/07/2022 13:33

If there is police evidence of abuse (rather than just an allegation of abuse) the social worker will definitely take that into account. They are liable for what they do and could lose their job and registration if they do something as unprofessional as not take into account criminal behaviour. It's his job to investigate properly and his job to work in the best interests of the DC and he will have to evidence he has done that. It doesn't mean it will be an easy process for you though. If you have already complained and the manager is still supporting him, I would guess they are confident that everything is being done correctly. But it's never nice to go through it. Hopefully it all concludes quickly with a satisfactory outcome for all.

BiscoffSundae · 16/07/2022 13:50

Social workers are mostly awful ime despite what people say on MN my experience of them is they are terrible and I had one lie about me (claiming she seen me on days that she hasn’t) she even turned up at a meeting I was having and barged in uninvited. Would never get them involved.

Original poster
Glbx22 · 16/07/2022 15:46

Yeah this one is telling lies about me too and things that are completely inaccurate. They just twist things all the time too to the way they wanna see things

OP posts:
wasiwrongtoask · 16/07/2022 15:51

Social workers can't win when it comes to section 7 reports as their is rarely a solution that suits both parties. They should contain evidence to show how their recommendations have been made. It would be much better to try and work with the social worker you have than trying to get a new one allocated.

Original poster
Glbx22 · 16/07/2022 16:00

Thank you for your response. How can I work with mine though when he isn't giving me a fair chance in anything and it seems he's been out to get me since the start? This could all go wrong because I've got this social worker who isn't being fair to me

OP posts:
wasiwrongtoask · 16/07/2022 16:05

Why does he think you are harming your child and putting them at risk? Then see if there are any changes you can make.

Original poster
Glbx22 · 16/07/2022 16:08

Because he is believing the rubbish my ex is saying to him and is accusing me of being abusive (with no real evidence). Also when I explained to him it was me that was actually in the domestic abusive relationship He interrogated me on why I never left straight away and that's when he said I was putting my child at risk and harm because I didn't leave straight away, which obviously isn't fair. Women don't leave straight away for whatever reason. It shows his lack of knowledge. I've done the freedom programme and with womens aid and I know that majority of women if not all do not leave straight away. That isn't for him to judge and criticise me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Glbx22 · 16/07/2022 16:10

Well I've done loads of positive things like I have a big support network I am pro-active and always seek help and support. I go to therapy once a week but he just finds fault and negatives when anything that is positive

OP posts:
Vijia · 16/07/2022 16:12

Social workers don't put your needs first, they put your DC's needs first.

Look at it from the child's perspective, where are they happiest, who do they say about the situation, who do they like to be with, what is best for them and see if you can compromise.

Vijia · 16/07/2022 16:18

What do they say about the situation*

See it from the sw's perspective. What do they need from you?

Why do you think they are out to get you? Are you taking risky decisions or playing down things like domestic abuse or violence in the home?

Sometimes it's important to take a long hard look at yourself and your behaviour before you blame and complain about others.

How could you improve things? Working together collaboratively is often the better way to work with professionals rather than damning and insulting them.

Original poster
Glbx22 · 16/07/2022 16:27

My son is with me and his step dad after I stopped contacted with his dad and his partner in April. CAFCASS also recommended no contact with his dad in their report before the first court hearing. He is happy and settled with us and has adapted to this now. It's infuriating because I am the one who has been through the abuse and my child has been through emotional abuse by dad and partner (which is why CAFCASS recommended no contact with them) I've done everything I can to protect him this year but it seems I'm the one getting all the crap right now

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 16/07/2022 16:31

What do you think the social worker is getting out of making up all of these in your opinion lies?

Original poster
Glbx22 · 16/07/2022 16:34

They are lies, they're not accurate. Just the way he wants to twist and turn things.
I don't know what they get out of doing this, all I know is they create unnecessary crap. They create issues with people and families when it isn't needed. Maybe they need to focus more on the actual issues out there and the actual harm rather than where there isn't any

OP posts:
MoodyMooToo · 16/07/2022 16:45

What sort of lies? Can you give a specific example?

Original poster
Glbx22 · 16/07/2022 16:48

Lies that I am in fact the abuser when there is all the evidence that it is my ex partner and his new partner lying saying I play the victim and lies that I have put my child at risk and harmed him when I'm the only one this year year has protected him

OP posts:
MrsBean88 · 16/07/2022 16:58

I'm completely astounded that people still don’t believe a lot of SW are bloody terrible.

I’ve worked with many, I’ve had 1 or 2 in my life due to previous DV and let me tell you, I’ve never met a decent one.

Original poster
Glbx22 · 16/07/2022 17:00

Thank you. I know, mine is horrid. If you don't mind me asking what we're your experiences please?

OP posts:
DogDaysNeverEnd · 16/07/2022 17:14

Do you think the SW is trying to play devils advocate and probe the situation to try and get you to slip up and admit all the things your ex has told them? or they might just be a bit of an arse.

Could you ask for conversations to be recorded, or have an advocate/witness present at meetings? Recording would be good because it could encourage them to phrase things more carefully and you would have evidence if they were overstepping, equally you could listen later and maybe out of the heat of the moment their questions might seem less aggressive.

Original poster
Glbx22 · 16/07/2022 17:30

I think they are definitely sneaky and they deliberately put pressure on you and ask or say things in a certain way to catch you out. Very clever. Yeah someone suggested that and recording things. I am allowed my support worker with me for support during the sessions she could be used as a witness and also record things that she has heard too.

OP posts:
penelopepea · 16/07/2022 17:31

As a social worker I can honestly tell you the reports I hate the most are the s.7s - it's so difficult to work out who's telling the truth and who's twisting things...then trying to assess the impact on the poor child stuck in the middle!

You generally have to favour one parent's 'version' of events because there's more evidence - then the other parent glares daggers at you in Court Confused it can all turn very nasty. But as usual it's the social worker's fault!!

Original poster
Glbx22 · 16/07/2022 17:32

Thing is even if there is nothing to catch me out on they'll want me to say something they can twist and can then say I've said something when it's them taking it out of context if that makes sense ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Glbx22 · 16/07/2022 17:35

Because some social workers are genuinely not nice

OP posts:
THisbackwithavengeance · 16/07/2022 17:46

The SW's job isn't to side with you and nod along to all the allegations you are making.

You have stopped your DC having contact with their Dad. You can't expect them to take your word for it that you are the goodie and your X the baddie. They are obliged to look into it to ensure that you preventing contact was for genuine reasons, not spite. And that might mean hard questions.

They are doing their job. You need to work with them.

Original poster
Glbx22 · 16/07/2022 17:49

There was evidence to back up why I stopped contact. Professionals were involved and CAFCASS also recommended no contact at the first court hearing. My child also did voice of the child work in his school and disclosed a lot of information

OP posts:
Vijia · 16/07/2022 19:28

I hope you can understand why a sw is not going to be your friend or just believe you because you say so without evidence.

There are enough cases in the news with DC dying at their hands of their parents or step parents because parents often lie in these cases to all the professionals; and so they need proof which is difficult when parents lie.

They need proof for anything to stand up in court.

You say your child has described and disclosed a number of things, possibly about you.

They wouldn't be doing their job if they didn't try to get to the bottom of stuff.

Imagine if they got it wrong and a child lost their life as a result.

If you are obstructive and insult the sw's then it would be a good reason to pay much more attention to you and your behaviour and your influence on your DC.