Social Workers can be monsters..

[Glbx22]

Not sure if I'm on the right section or anything..new to mumsnet..

Basically currently going through a custody battle with my ex over our 4 year old. Currently working through a section 7 report which is being done by social services.

Our social worker is an absolute c* to me. He's been out to get me and gunning for me since day one. I was the one who was abused by my ex-partner and also his new partner. It was me who applied for court. My ex is obviously denying this and turning it and saying I am the one who is abusive the social worker has now decided it is me who is abusive. My ex is also causing trouble and saying that I am abusive to my husband. This social worker had my husband in for interrogation yesterday and reduced him to tears because he was putting pressure on him and asking if I've ever done this or that and continuously kept saying I am abusive to him. The social worker has also said that I am harming my child and putting him at risk. He is biased, prejudice and I believe sexist. He has already chosen not to listen to me or believe anything I am saying. There is evidence of police records about my ex and his partner, and other reports I had made however the social worker is just choosing to go on rubbish he's being told and gossip and hear say.

I have complained about him to his manager on more than one occasion and said I won't work with him and I need a different worker to do this report because I definitely do not stand a fair chance otherwise. I don't think she will do much so I also made an official complaint to the council. I have involved my solicitor now too. I also told my Women's Aid support worker and she tried talking to the social worker and he just wouldn't listen to her.

Has anyone else experienced really bad treatment from social workers? Please share so I know I am not on my own here. I think he's disgusting and this is at the worst possible time too.

Thank you x

I have factual evidence I have plenty of professionals involved and witnesses I have police records on him I have records with children's services on him. He has no factual evidence

I don't have a good word to say about SW's

The only one I ever knew, a neighbour, admitted to hitting her own kids.

The other ones I've come across - all mother fucking monsters.

I've seen situations where SW haven't been co operative or fair.

The best advice I can give is to remove all the emotion. If he sees you getting emotional (or anyone involved) you're giving evidence that you can't control your emotions. You are playing to their game.

For everything he says back it up with evidence or question him.

So when he says you were abusive to ex. You can reply - I'm sure you'll put all the evidence and police reports you have in the report. Here's my evidence of the abuse I experienced (hand over reports or give dates of reports and caffcas) so that can go in too and the judge who's job it is to decide can make their judgement.

And this is why you need to record every meeting and write up the transcript too.

Judges don't go by just a S7. They'll look at everything and your barrister can cross examine anything where they feel the evidence is being twisted.

This is the thing.. I thought a child's voice was meant to be the most powerful. How can they ignore the voice and feelings of the child ? Even at a young age they can still express how they feel surely. In some cases they have childrens guardians don't they so the children are being heard

And also if it's recorded your support workers etc also challenging him will be documented via the transcript.

That's always valuable evidence.

Thank you for this ! Agreed!

Hi thank you for your info. I agree with you. Mine is absolutely unfair and won't won't with me professionally or correctly or anything. I also agree that that just use anything against you. Even though we are parents and are obviously going to have different emotions , they will only use it against us. It's disgusting having to watch everything you do or say because they will use it against you. I will 100% do that. I will record everything and as you say this can all be used later on . This has been suggested to me by others too. It seems it will be the only way to prove what they're doing x

Won't work *

This is true to an extent BUT it is not for a social worker to decide who is telling the truth unless there is clear independent evidence, such as convictions. When there are competing narratives of he said/she said - which happens a lot - and where these are central to the children’s welfare, it is for the court to hold a finding of fact hearing to examine the evidence - including people’s personal accounts - and for the judge to determine who is most likely to be truthful. I’ve written reports which simply say - I can’t make a safe recommendation because of the allegations being made which are so significant if they are true it will impact on the child’s relationship with that parent, and so it’s up to the court to determine if they are indeed truthful.

Worked in a school for over twenty years.

I have no faith in SWs.

In fact Social Services needs a complete overhaul as , from where I'm standing now, social welfare and care for the elderly is even more shocking.

Im a sw although not in uk and not working with families so I cant comment on specifics. I would strongly recommend you have someone with you for emotional and practical support. 2 heads are better than one, especially when emotions are running high. If it can be someone from some sort of professional support group even better.

Dont be rushed into answering questions. Really take a moment to collect your thoughts and how you will formulate them before you finally answer. If you can sense he is fishing for something or youre not sure then ask could you rephrase the question? What exactly do you mean by that?

Please be aware that what you experience as him twisting your answers may actually be him extracting a piece of info that you might not consider important, but in his professional judgement is.

If allegations have been made against you then these need to be put to you. It is quite easy to experience this as him accusing you.

He could also be using very direct, plain language. A lot of people are really upset by directness.

You say you have requested a new sw. Did you do this in writing? Having a paper trail really helps. Make sure it goes to the correct person.

As others have said he is there to do a job and to protect the child first. This kind of thing by its very nature is upsetting.

Im not saying that he isnt all the things you say he is. But there are other explanations available.

I will also say this. There was one 3 hour session on dv in my whole course of 3.5 years. Its not a lot. Everything I know about dv Ive learned from MN. A friend is experiencing similar problems with a complete lack of understanding of dv and how it works.

Thank you! Agreed

I don’t know why a SW would lie —- but I know some do.
ive had the misfortune to work with a few. One blatantly lied. He was young, possibly newly qualified and very full of himself. I think once he told one lue he had to run with his story or look stupid in front of colleagues.
Another deliberately sabotaged a placement simply because she wanted to.
Often a bit of a power trip goes with being a SW.

Meant to say good luck OP. Gather all evidence you have, make sure your solicitor works for you and get as much help from Women’s Aid as possible.

Yes, me.

I have PTSD from it and I'm still having counselling almost 10 years later. I don't want to go into too much detail but not too dissimilar to you, I was effectively punished for being a victim of DV.

I'm so sorry.

Thank you! Yes they are definitely full of themselves some of them and too confident because of all of their 'powers'., it gets to them too much. They can ruin families and children's lives and make things so much more worse

Oh no, I am so sorry to you too 🌺 thank you for sharing its disgusting isn't it. I felt I was being published for it. I definitely believe my social worker is sexist. He didn't care one bit about about experiences with domestic abuse (even when my women's aid support worker attempted to talk to him) but he was thoroughly supportive of my ex and my husband when he believed I was the one abusing them! X

It is a comfort to know other women have experienced the same , but at the same time awful to hear the system is so messed up and wrong! X

Find out your sw's registration number and make a complaint to Social Work England with clear evidence why you think he is being biased and misogynistic. Don't say he is twisting your words as that is too vague. Give clear examples. Get someone with a legal background to check your complaint before you send it and cc it to the social services manager. It needs to be clear to the point and non wordy.

All your accusations back up with evidence.

Mention the impact of dv and the fact you think this has been discounted.

Good luck op.

Most sw's if not all come in to the profession to support the vulnerable, those who can't protect themselves.

They are fighting fire with limited resources with manipulative and devious abusers.

It is a sad fact that f there weren't manipulative and devious abusers/ parents/ partners then there would be no need for child protection sw's, would there?

But as we all know there are many killers and abusers of children. So how can children be protected from their own family members? Can you imagine how difficult this is?

It would be far far easier for everyone concerned if both parents did the job of protecting and nurturing their own dc.

Sadly we know that the impact of dv makes it very very difficult for mothers to leave their abusers.

Even hearing or witnessing the abuse of others is considered child abuse due to the terrible impact it has on a child's emotional health. A child doesn't have to be physically attacked, just being in a violent and threatening unsafe environment is enough to cause untold damage.

Women often put up with terrible abuse trying to hold the family together and unwittingly causing damage to their DC as a result.

It's a horrific situation all round and no easy answers as it's difficult for women to leave. Hence the horrendous toll of deaths to women and children every week by men known to them.

There are no easy answers and many sw's would not want to work in children's services and there is a terrible shortage of children's sw's which will have a huge impact on the whole system.

I am sorry you are not getting the justice you think you are deserved but the system itself is broken as there is no way a society can ever do the job of what parents should be doing by default.

You sound a victim of this alongside your DC.

Hi thank you for all of this. How can i request his number? Will they give me it? I am supposed to have session with him on Tuesday but tomorow I am desperately trying to find a way to not go to it and get it with someone else. I am worried he will twist it and lie and tell the court I wasn't co-operating and working with them for the report which isn't true. So far I have complained to his manager and the children's services department with the council. I completley agree with you. I found him to be very sexist towards me. He showed no interest or understanding on my experiences with domestic abuse, however he was being passionate about it is and how bad it is to my ex partner and my husband when he decided to actually accuse me of being the abuser! He actually made me feel like it was my fault and that I were getting the blame for it. He accused me of not protecting my child and harming him just because I didn't leave my ex partner straight away. This shows his lack of knowledge to start with but also his lack of understanding. He should know that women don't leave domestic abuse relationships straight away for whatever reason x y and z. I was doing exactly what you said. I stayed because I wanted to keep the family together and try to make it wor kand I thought it might change and get better but obviously it never. I do compleley agree that the system is messed up and it is already ujustified. It seems he is favouring my ex partner who was the abuser! I am going to try and fight it all the way but yeah they have these powers and it's just beyond wrong. There's no words . It's just so wrong thank you x

Ask for it and cc it to the line manager, Social work England have a directory of social workers so you should be able to obtain it with his name and the name of the local authority.

It is good practice to cc in all your (short and succinct) emails with the head of social services, to your solicitor and to your Independent Advocate, CAFCASS and Women's Aid contacts so that you create an open and transparent line of communication with them. Your own multi agency protection group to demonstrate what you have done to protect your DC.

'I am extremely concerned that the impact of dv has not been taken into account' Follow this up with examples of why you state this.

Request everything to be recorded and don't ask for the SW Registration number unless this path has been followed first as you don't want to come across as vindictive.

Try and be as objective as possible. Unfortunately all the different professionals/ organisations have their own 'languages' so bullet point your concerns.

I have seen judges dismiss reams and reams of evidence of written abuse through lack of time so make sure you keep it short and to the point.

Good luck 🤞

It is scary how Frontline has been targeted with finding and recruiting and fast tracking child protection social workers to fill the huge number of vacancies

Ask whether the social worker is locum or a Front line fast tracked? Locum social workers get paid vastly more than others as they are agency staff and so are sent in as fire fighters due to recruitment issues in the local authorities usually due to poor morale at that local authority and/ or poor performance of management. Check the Ofsted rating of your local authority. Is it inadequate? Poor? Use that in your evidence.

If your sw is a fast tracked Frontline SW then they have little to no experience compared to a usual sw and have had shorter training and are chosen by logical algorithms rather than empathy as personal qualities.

So yes, find out as much as you can.

While there are truly excellent social workers, many are leaving the profession due to impossible case loads with impossibly difficult people who would rather sexually or otherwise abuse their DC or wife and then complain or voice their outrage in the media when they are being investigated.

Can you imagine trying to unpick what is going on in the lives of those mother's and dc.

Child protection sw's burn out through stress. Could you imagine sleeping at night knowing there are children in your case load who are being abused but you don't have sufficient evidence to convince your managers to do something?

The government trying to meet demand by trying to fast track people into the profession.

A broken system but who are really responsible? The government or the parents themselves?

So sad you are caught in this nightmare because of your abusive ex.

Abusive men should come with a government warning. They not only ruin women's lives but countless dc's lives too.

When women take on new partners and don't believe the 'crazy ex' what hope do we have?