I am XX years old and this week my Mum told me off for ...

[A580Hojas]

I'll start.

I am late 50s and my Mum (early 90s) ticked me off for not messaging her to say I'd arrived safely at my holiday destination (France). Ffs.

Please add your own. I'm going to put them on a list of things I am never going to nag my DC about.

I have the same type of mother and am NC

i remember her telling me in my early 30s “you think you’re a grown up but you’re not”

she liked to admonish in round about ways mostly. For example on her knees washing my floors the last time I saw her, 15yrs ago, I told her I’ll get the mop for her, “oh I feel you can a better clean if you hand wash it”. Have at it mum! I’m sure she’s full doing it now at 70 and tutting at peoples dust and general messiness

That sounds very cruel. Couldn’t you have worded it differently?

Hear Hear.

My mum and I got drunk on mimosas once and dunked the cat in the pool up to his neck.

I miss my mum, even if she did insist I call her every time I arrived at my destination.

In my 50s , I had to call home to let them know I arrived at my destination. But not speak just let it ring 3 times and hang up . And sure why would I want to travel that far anyway , do you know anybody in Italy ?
Also my father used to call to tell me that I should do washing as it was going to be a grand drying day . Can you tell I am Irish ?

Ugh same here

Every. Bloody. Year my mum likes to "remind" me to send cards to this person and that person.
The one that makes me laugh is a card to my brother WHO DECIDED YEARS AGO THAT "SHALL WE NOT BOTHER?". So she's talking to the wrong person. I tell her the same every year! I often wonder if she goes on at him about stuff like this - doubt it.

Other examples of being told off/told what to do - actually I'd be here too long, I swear my parents think I'm still a teenager, not a 41 year old, married, two children

I'm 32 and still get told off for dropping my 't's . I love them dearly so let them get away with it.
We are also a family of checking in - but I'm more likely to tell them off for forgetting! Definitely on holiday travel we'd communicate to say we'd arrived safely.

I’m 59 and if I bite the chocolate off the sides of a kit=kat rather than just the end, my mum (88 years old) tells me to “eat it properly” just as she did when I was a little girl.
I even imagine her saying it if I’m alone when indulging in a treat.

Oh, and like so many others she holds my hand when we cross the road,.
It’s quite useful now though as I don’t think she’d be happy with me initiating holding hers - she’d not like the implication that she might be getting older.
And I must confess to reaching for my 20+ year olds’ hands when anywhere busy.

So many lovely mums out there xxx

Late 40s and I have been told off for not cleaning my car

You will definitely nag your kids for this 💯

I'm in my fifties. My mum died three months ago.

She had dementia for the last few years and didn't know who I was.

I wish I had appreciated her more. Wish I had listened when she told me off, or cared that I had arrived at my holiday/work destinations safely.

Now that I have a daughter myself I see her getting annoyed when I check she is okay - (I don't overcheck!) - and wish I could just say to her - that when I am no longer around she is going to miss me doing it! But I don't say it!

Does anyone here not find this endearing? I feel mean-spirited but being constantly infantilised actually triggers terrible anxiety for me and I find it deeply irritating, and hope I won't end up doing it myself when my son is an adult

SisterCellophane - I don't find it endearing. I've had to accommodate my mother's anxiety my whole life and I'm quite tired of it after 50+ years.

Also, the thing that gets me, is my Mum had an incredibly fraught relationship with her own mother and the thing that I remember her shouting at her over and over again is "for God's sake mother I'm so and so years old you know".

So I'm acutely aware of it and to a pp who asked yes my children are young adults and I do my absolute best to keep the fact that they are independent from me at the front of my mind. Our daughter is living with us at the moment and the way she does her laundry is not the way I do my laundry - but that's up to her! Lots of mothers would have something to say in that scenario I bet.

@SisterCellophane yes, as someone who doesn't have a brilliant relationship with my own mother, it's not endearing. She generally doesn't tend to check in on me to see how I am but will send me long texts full of information I already know or just don't care about. It just comes across as lecturing rather than caring. I can fully see why other posters are saying things like 'you'll miss it when it's gone' but that's them seeing it through their own relationship.

Exactly!
When your children are two they might fall over and cut their knee but you can clean and plaster that.
When they are in their 20’s like mine you worry about drink, drugs, them being attacked, crashing the car etc etc.
No wonder I look so haggard!

The thing is though that’s it’s very common for adult children to revert back to their childhood role when visiting parents. I know I used to, even though I was a mum myself I’d become the child again - not in a negative tantrumy way but letting my mum fuss over me.

In fairness to mum's everywhere I've just reversed this. I've just called mum to make sure she looks after herself at work today in the heat. She has been known to push herself too hard and make herself ill and has collapsed before now due to exhaustion.

When my mum fusses because she worries I just grin and shake my head at her.

But, when she starts lecturing me because she thinks her way is the right way my answers vary from "never" (when am I going to do x, y or z), who cares (what will people think), I don't do it that way (but it should be done THIS way), and if she really annoys me "drop it, I'm not interested".

She actually does it a LOT less now that she knows I won't entertain it and as a result we get along a lot better.

I’m 42 and genuinely fretting at the thought of telling my parents I might be getting a 3rd cat. I’m married with a 10 year old, own my own house, love animals - I know I’m going to get told off!

We have a great relationship btw. They’re just not big animal fans and haven’t forgiven dcat1 for shredding the carpet on the stairs and my old sofa, although to be fair neither have I.

I’m laughing at the card and gift reminders.

MIL takes it a step further and still signs cards from her adult children and spouses, and now grandchildren.

So if it’s DH’s birthday he gets a card from SIL and then a card from MIL, FIL and SIL as though she was still a kid living at home and not a fully fledged adult in her 30’s with a professional career, own home, etc.

I assume all the extended family we don’t see assume we all live with the in laws like a weird failure to launch situation.

I have a gravel driveway and my dad would always moan about the stones migrating to the pavement and would stand there flicking them back where they came from with his walking stick. He died nearly 2 years ago and I miss those moments so much.

@HeechulOppa i kept my cat a secret from my parents and only told them once she was home!! I knew I would get a lecture. And I did😂.

the annoying thing is we had a cat growing up. And I’m in my forties.

My Mum was a world-class worrier; if we told her we'd be at her house at 6pm, she'd start worrying if we were 5 minutes late.

It's interesting, I can find my mum endearing now, when we live in different houses. But when my husband left me and I ended up living with my parents for nearly 5 years (along with my two children) it was unbearable. We had so many horrendous rows, some that I didn't think our relationship would recover from. Must have been something to do with sharing the living space and probably also yes, reverting back to an old pattern of mother-daughter relationship whilst also forcing ourselves into the new one of being adults together. Very strange!

Also it took me forever to admit to my parents I was adopting a cat. Not because I thought they'd think I wouldn't be able to look after it, just because we had always had dogs, were a confirmed dog family, I actually wanted a dog but had to get a cat because my job didn't fit with having a dog and I thought my parents might disown for getting the 'enemy' animal