Women can’t win. If you don’t work outside the home, you’re a gold digger. If you do work outside the home, you’re not looking after your family properly.
OP:
I’ve got a daughter on the way. So to answer your question, I will absolutely be teaching her to choose a partner very carefully - including considering their ability to contribute financially to the stability of the household. And I won’t be shaming her if she so happens to choose a lifestyle where she works less than her partner in order to care for the family.
The burden on women is too high, and loss of earnings and career progression hits women a lot harder than it hits men when babies come along. In most cases, women need financial support from their partners when they have babies, in order to survive, as mat pay wouldn’t even cover the average woman’s living expenses.
Plus, contrary to the far-flung problem you have described, which as you say, you’ve never actually seen in your real life, I have seen many couples where the woman works longer hours, earns more than the man, does 100% of the housework, AND has to cope with a feckless idiot of a husband who spends all of HER hard earned money on tat! Yet, you’ve not criticised these cock-lodging men.
I feel very sorry for us women, we do so much nowadays, working many more hours than men - when you add together the hours spent inside and outside the home. But the second we go through the massive life-changing event of birth and child-rearing, we have to defend ourselves against being called a gold-digger.
It’s especially sad that this misogyny is woman on woman, too.