Worst things people say/ask when you’ve had a child

[Wonderingmum77]

People say/ask such weird RANDOM things when you’ve had a baby. Some very very inconsiderate. I’ve just had one and I want to rant..

• after my c section my dad said “do you think you love your baby the same as he wasn’t born naturally”
• people ALWAYS want to know how much DC sleeps? And then seem disappointed when I say fine? Do u get a kick out of it if I say badly??
• sleep when the baby sleeps is the worst advice!
• Whenever DC makes a slight noise someone will go “HES HUNGRY”
• People comparing my DC to others. He was premie, so of course is v different to babies his age.
• people constantly telling me I need to be extra careful because DC was prem. he is now a thriving 11lb baby… if he wasn’t prem does that mean I could be less careful?
• the constant “is your baby warm enough” in 25 degree heat.
• When people say “oh he is so moany” when he makes a noise because he wants to be sat up looking around and they want to hold him like a little newborn,
• “in my day we done that and it was just fine….”
• the contradiction of “every baby is very different” and the guidelines of how to look after children are so regimented.

RANT OVER

FIL when we said I was pregnant with number 3 "but what for, you already have one of each!"

Ive got twins:

Ooh, were they IVF? (no, not that it's any of your fucking business if they were)

ooh are they identical? (yes)

ooh, my brothers girlfriends dads uncle was a twin, I might have twins (no, that's not how it works but I can't be arsed to go into it right now)

ooh, did you have them naturally (again, none of your fucking business)

ooh, are you breasfeeding (again, none of your fucking business)

ooh, double trouble

ooh, you've got your hands full

It used to really piss me off as most of the time as I walking around in a sleep deprived state trying to get them to sleep the last thing I wanted to do was stop the buggy moving and risk waking them up!

All those and...

'Is he/she good???'

Stupid stupid comments about slings generally from older gen 'how do you know she can breathe in there?' etc luckily a lovely school mum went off on a full pro sling rant at the last person who said that to me. So glad she was standing behind me as I never really know what to say.

n helpful person when I would say 'its alright youre ok' to comfort my first baby would always say 'Im not alright mummy, I'm not ok'.. was it any wonder i got PND really?

three babies in I've heard it all now and am more laid back but I wish people would lay off the first time mums with this shit and just offer comfort and reassurance and say what a lovely baby you must be so proud :) your doing a great job. What a natural mum you are. Etc

@CurbsideProphet everyone told me how hard it will be & to get my sleep in now as ill never sleep again. Every baby’s different but I was shocked at how not hard I found it.

Yes baby wakes up, but I still get sleep… just broken sleep. especially when they’re first born they don’t do anything!!! So sleep for 3 hours, wake for a feed, change nappy … cycle starts again.

I was going to bed about 9pm… Baby dad will do last feed of the night (about 10/11pm) I’d do the night feeds. Sometimes it would only be 1 feed (2/3am) & then baby dad would get up half hour before work to do that feed (6/7am)!

Why is sleep when baby sleeps bad advice?

the other things!!!! When I go out and DP (DC father) is at home and someone goes “is Dad babysitting” IS IT REALLY BABY SITTING WHEN ITS YOUR OWN CHILD??

Or a week after DC was born and DP family was saying he should go and play football because “he can’t loose his hobbies… he still needs to stay being him!”

@Louise0701 personally I found it difficult. Baby would sleep and i would want to tidy the chaos of our house. Or baby would sleep for 20 minutes sometimes in the day. Or we’d need a food shop. I understand the sentiment but I think it’s unsustainable when you have other things to do.

@Wonderingmum77 you see, that doesn't sound so bad 😀
I've had quite severe insomnia off and on over the past few years so I don't actually know what a good night's sleep is anyway!

Worst crap people used to say was ‘are they in a routine?’ Well yes, they eat, poo then sleep. Just because they don’t poo at exactly 11.37am every day doesn’t mean it isn’t a bloody routine.

'Are you disappointed she wasn't a boy?' (about DD2)
'What a shame she's got ginger hair.' (about DD1 to her ginger-haired DM)

I have a toddler as well as a baby. The baby only sleeps on me & won't sleep in a crib etc so I can't sleep when she does. Even if she could be put down for naps, just because she is asleep doesn't mean the toddler is!!

Heard something very similar about two separate babies.

'Congratulations, you must be delighted to have a little girl, one of each.'
'Not really, DS was plenty'

'What does she want to have another baby for, she already has [a DS]'

Imagine someone saying that about her own child.

I know! Your point is my point too!
I'm laughing at what was said to me specifically.
I am not a slag. I have kids from different dads. And I am certainly not implying that women like me with different 'baby daddies' (atrotious term!) are slags.
But the question itself was presumptuous.
I guess you had to be there.

When I was pregnant I had quite a few people (including work colleagues!) ask "was it planned"😕Bit of a personal question!

I love the ones who when your baby/toddler is absolutely screaming the place down say "he's not very happy, is he?"

I was on a night out when DS2 was about 6 weeks old celebrating a frineds 30th.
A bloke from work but a different dept was out. I didn't really know him. However he asked if DH was 'babysitting' He asked if I was coming back to work after mat leave. I said I was and he replied ' Oh, so you are farming your kids out then?'
Clearly the goon forgot that his wife worked and they had children. The only reply to him was ' yes, just like you and your wife' Things were very frosty after that but who cares!

Oh the other one is you're making a rod for your own back/you're spoiling him/her (by wearing a sling/holding your baby).
No. I'm trying to hoover and do the dishes while being a mother and using a sling. And -surprise, surprise- babies like being attached to their mothers. I don't know... making a rod for your own back is fairly standard practice in the animal kingdom. I'm not sure why we'd be much different.

I love the ones who when your baby/toddler is absolutely screaming the place down say "he's not very happy, is he?
To be fair , that is better than an awkward silence from them or them rolling their eyes looking pissed off at you as if it is your fault.

You’ve got your hands full

and

Rather you than me

said like metronomes by practically every person I passed in the street.

I had a prem too and my worst was

"Aw she just couldn't wait to meet you!" Well no that's bollocks, I had severe pre eclampsia that lead to her arrival 8 weeks early, I'd much rather she'd stay til full term and waited to "meet her" rather than experience prematurity and NICU.

The other one is people who aren't close, asking if you're breastfeeding???? Why does the way I feed my child concern people so much

Most people are just making conversation. They don’t care how your baby slept, it’s like talking about the weather.

I think people who haven't had a boy don't realise how gorgeous little boys are.

I had a non sleeping baby and I can't count how many times I was told by family to add baby rice to her bottle. I was breastfeeding though and they knew it but nobody had ever breastfed in the family so they had no idea how it worked.

And my brother told me at least once a month to take dd for a car ride "because all babies fall asleep in the car". Well, mine is the exception to the rule!

Oh and the neighbour who stopped me in the street and told me to put mittens and a hat on dd because it was cold. I did, kept her talking for two sentences while she could take a good look at how fast a 3 month old can remove mittens! To be fair, she never gave me any advice after that.

When I was happily pushing the pram with my second son in after a complex pregnancy and difficult birth and an elderly neighbour peered in and said “oh dear another boy!” 🙄

My eldest is too (still is at 9) and I found myself replying “who else were you expecting him to look like?” which tended to shut that one down.

That's a good answer @DelurkingAJ .

My answer to the 'Are you disppointed to have another girl' was a tinkly laugh, but I'm not sure if it worked.

They are only making conversation but they are so annoying