Having 2nd child. What you wish you'd known?

[NapTimeChill]

Sorry if this has been done before but if you're a mum to 2 DC, what advice would you give to a mum going from 1DC to 2? Or, what do you wish you'd known before you had your 2nd?

I am bracing myself it's going to be awful and really hard, but want 2 children in the long run. (Age gap will be around 3 years btw). Is there anything I've not foreseen? And are there any silver linings you don't foresee?

o0o0o that's such a good question I'm in the same boat OP interested in the responses you get.

Ooh me too! Expecting number 2 in October!

That every child is different and you may need to completely change parenting styles for your second as the methods you use now might not work!

Get a robot hoover. I have eufy and it's made a massive difference for me

That they will probably have a completely different personality tgan DC1

My DC are 2 years apart and I would tell myself:

-You'll be fine!
-Some days will be utter shit, but the good days will out-way them by a mile.
-You will love number DC2, just as much as DC1.
-Watching them love eachother will make your heart explode!

Honestly it’s not that bad. I spent pregnancy worrying about how to manage, but I just do.

2.5yo and 6m boys now - they’re besotted with each other and wonderful together. The toddler has really come into his own and loves being helpful with the baby.

That you won't be able to give all your attention to DC1 all the time any more. And DC2 won't ever really have all your attention all day either because of DC1. That's ok, it's part of having more than one child. If multi tasking stresses you out then be aware parenting multiple DC often feels like multi tasking to keep both happy and or neither being completely happy as you find a compromise that works. Again this is fine if you thrive on the busy family life aspect and instant problem solving but it's hard if you find splitting your attention/ conflict resolution stressful.

That it was a lot easier than I thought- honestly I thought it would be hellish. May be it was easier because I had 3yrs 3 months between mine. My eldest was independent with the toilet, could dress herself, could take instructions well.

I would say- ensure your eldest has time in preschool and has a good sleep routine- you should be fine.

I honestly found it more difficult going from 0-1 than 1-2 dd was 5 when I had ds everything just flowed nicely wasn't as bad as I thought he was a dream baby though my dd on the other hand was not so I sort of sailed through as my first born was the hard one , the main change is I don't get a lot of real one on one time with my daughter and it is more mentally draining but totally worth it! Oh and I completely forgot how messy weaning was and just the baby stage altogether he's now crawling which is another task in itself .

This! My two are different in every single way. Eldest was a very chill baby, good sleeper, ate everything we gave him, never had a tantrum.

Youngest was a terrible sleeper who cried constantly hated the majority of food and as a toddler could have 5 tantrums before breakfast.

They are 9 and 5 now and still total opposites, this makes it impossible for them to play together. I would go as far as to say they hate each other.

Sometimes the egg goes jiggle jiggle split and you get a BOGOFF baby to make it three

I would say that you will spend the first few years comparing milestones etc but then you will realise that, like absolutely everybody, your children will have their own strengths and weaknesses and that's ok.

You will also realise that things you put down to good parenting were an absoulte fluke 😂

DC2 is easier to deal with because you are so much more experienced now. But you also have DC1 to deal with at the same time.

Just as you were probably quite shocked by the reality of having one baby, you may be quite shocked by the reality of how quickly you have to get back to hands on day-to-day parenting after having a second. Because DC1 still needs just as much attention as they did before, to go to the park or whatever. But once you settle into it it's nice. Great when they play together. I have a four year gap and they played together for a good two to three years that took the eldest up to the end of primary school.

More than that probably. They used to keep each other entertained for hours for quite a few years. But now DC1 is a teenager...

Going from 1 to 2 is 100 times easier than going from 0 to 1

I found it much much harder than I expected so I would say try not to have too many expectations of what it will be like and remember every phase passes eventually.

I love seeing my two together and I'm glad we did have two but my goodness I wasn't prepared for how divided my attention would be and how much impact that would have on my own free time (practically non existent)

The previous poster has it spot on that it depends on your personality and if you enjoy hectic family life you'll be fine. I miss being able to sit with my eldest and quietly do a crafting activity / help with school work as I feel the youngest always needs my attention. The older they get the easier it's becoming. Although I'm aware we're in for different challenges as they get older too.

See this wasn't my experience at all! I took to the first like a duck to water but really struggled dividing my attention when the second came along.

Don't kid yourself that you'll be able to save a fortune reusing child 1s outgrown clothing or toys. G eneric stuff like prams and bikes yes - but alot of expensive purchases are seasonal, so either won't fit or won't be suitable once no.2 needs it, so think hard before splurging!

This made me laugh

The love you have isn't halved, it is doubled. So never feel guilty that you're taking anything from the first, you aren't.

That you may not have as successful / easy a time getting pregnant / staying pregnant. I assumed as I had a relatively straightforward pregnancy with my first, the same would happen with my second. Been trying for 2 years now, with 2 mc's.

Not looking for sympathy, just think that no one really talks about when it can go wrong.

I have a 2.5yo and a 5month old... Honestly, going from 1-2 was much much easier than I thought it would be...! I found going from 0-1 more difficult than going from 1-2 and watching the two of them interact is the most wonderful thing!

0-1 is a bigger life adjustment. 1-2 is more than double the work! But it’s all worth it

Polar opposite here. I found having one pretty easy. Two was exponentially harder work especially when they were little and I found it hard going all the way back to the beginning again. Plus oldest was very very jealous and a handful anyway. Once youngest started preschool it got better and now they generally play nicely together and keep each other company - they’re probably easier now as a pair than if I had an only child.

I’m glad I have them both, wouldn’t change it, would never ever have a third though!!