Having 2nd child. What you wish you'd known?

[NapTimeChill]

Sorry if this has been done before but if you're a mum to 2 DC, what advice would you give to a mum going from 1DC to 2? Or, what do you wish you'd known before you had your 2nd?

I am bracing myself it's going to be awful and really hard, but want 2 children in the long run. (Age gap will be around 3 years btw). Is there anything I've not foreseen? And are there any silver linings you don't foresee?

I found 1-2 so easy compared to 0-1. I think with my first baby I was so shell shocked for the first few weeks, and with the second I knew exactly what was coming.

My first was 4 when I had my second and I love the gap. Old enough to help out and understand if I have to pause an activity.

Watching them together will make you love your first child even more, even if you don't think it's possible.

My second can also sleep through any level of noise. I didn't want to shush my first constantly and have him feel like he's on eggshells all the time so we've been relaxed with noise and the baby doesn't flinch when he's playing around her napping so that's lovely (and handy! She's under 6
Months so still needs to be with me for naps so I tend to have her sleeping in playroom so me and older one can play)

That's actually quite a nice gap. I had a 15 month gap and that was HARD. Find a good sling that you can wear around the house, my second napped in the sling for 3 months so I could be play with younger one

That what worked for DD wouldn’t necessarily work for DS; I was completely thrown when the way I burped DD didn’t work for DS and had to quickly realise that each child is different.
It was definitely easier going from 1 to 2 than 0 to 1 in my experience. I wish at the the hard times I’d known the joy of seeing DD grow into the (mostly) lovely sister she now is.

Watch out for the older one attention seeking. Its hard to suddenly have a noisy sibling who demands attention.

How great it is to have two
How much easier it would be than expected
How easy newborns seem the second time around

How much more laid back I was about things second time around.
Also that if the first is a good sleeper and not clingy the second will be the opposite

I was really worried about the first 6 months but honestly, it's getting harder not easier now the smaller one is nearly a year old! I literally never sit down.

That breastfeeding wouldn't shift the weight this time 😢

That one at a time becomes easy level on the parenting game. That it's much less daunting than 0-1 (imo). But 2 together is the work of 3 alone. That a stretchy sling and some stickers go a long way but you've exploded no1's life so expect them to react.

My older DD was nearly 3 when her baby sister arrived. She was fascinated by her and really keen to help look after her. She used to tell her she was a good girl or a naughty girl depending on whether she ate her dinner or didn't cry in the bath etc I wasn' t expecting her to be such a little helper. They are all grown up now and still very close. You may well be pleasantly surprised at how much easier your second child is.

OP are you pregnant now or hoping to be?

I have found the shift from 1-2 much harder than going from 0-1. My age gap is just under 2 1/2 years and though my eldest has responded very well to the baby he turned on me after the birth and it’s only got better in the last couple of months (baby is 6 months). I had a c-section so my eldest couldn’t really comprehend why I couldn’t do much for him in the early weeks. I’d be prepared that your child make react well to the baby but take the frustration out on you. Our baby is a very good sleeper and so we look to protect his routine which is a bit tricky when trying to get out and about with a toddler as well. My toddler goes to nursery for over half the week which is hugely beneficial for us both, he has been going since 1 so I was not keen to break his routine. That has helped a lot because he is occupied and stimulated well at nursery on the days he isn’t at home with me

Nearly 3 year gap and 1-2 was waaaaaay easier than 0-1. By 6 months they were entertaining each other. Oldest had undiagnosed ASD with sensory processing disorder and couldn’t cope with crying so youngest was spoilt, an a moby wrap all day for the first few months. Both crap sleepers but I have really happy memories. Only advice would be go with it and do would needs to be done to survive. Don’t put pressure on yourself to be perfect.

In my experience, nothing is harder than going from 0-1 children, so if you have managed that OK then 1-2 will be fine.

All v interesting. Are there any very practical tips from anyone? Other than using a sling for the newborn which I would be. What about doing bedtimes with two?

Your second child will be nothing like your first!

You might not find it hard. I had an easier birth and a much easier baby (great sleeper!) second time around. I didn’t find going from one to two anything like as hard as going from no children to a baby.

Realistically your eldest will go to bed first, do they sleep well and go to bed easily now? If not that’s what you need to tackle.

I honestly didn't find this at all.

I found going to 2 really, really hard. But I suspect I also had undiagnosed PND after No 2. I didn't feel anything emotionally for months..

DS1 was a dream & slept through from 8 weeks. DS2 didn't sleep for months. And it was hellish. Paid me back for being a smug twat about DS1!!

2yrs 4 months between them. What was hard was early days of being totally beholden to a Velcro baby & feeling I was neglecting DS1.

And yep, they will surprise you with totally different likes, personalities, etc.

That said, I'm v glad we had 2. Teens now and they are great mates. That's been so worth it.

Make sure you think about practical things that will help. One key one that I found out pretty quick was make sure there is somewhere safe in each room to put the baby down quickly - be it a soft rug, a bouncy chair, a changing mat on floor ( cue me buying a second bouncy chair for the kitchen- it was that or the tiles floor!)

I didn't get on with slings- I wanted to be unburdened as much as I could.

Tiring as you have 2 on different sleep schedules! With number 2 baby I was definitely less fussy and precious about her as I just didn't have time to be - the first child still takes a lot of your time and attention as they will have places they need to be and baby just has to tag along.

Sometimes it is a military operation to get 2 out of the house - especially if the older one is at nursery and house standards definitely dropped (further!) when baby 2 came along (3 1/2 years after baby 1).

I did appreciate the baby years more with baby 2 as I knew how fast the time went with baby 1 and I wasn't in a rush for baby 2 to sit up / smile / crawl etc - just appreciated the baby in the now as they all grow up eventually.

It's best not to overthink it as if you do it's hard to think how you will manage with 2 but you do and can't imagine life without 2!

@NapTimeChill for bathtime, I do the baby in middle of day. older one likes to help so it fills half an hour and means evening for older one is easier. Also try to make sure newborn is fed and content before we go up for bath and bed for older one so I can just put her on her playmat on bathroom floor and focus on DS for his bath and then she comes in bed with us for story time and cuddles.

Wait until DC1 is sleeping through consistently.

Learn to use a wrap sling! I was so miserable stuck on the sofa holding my baby while the toddler watched TV as baby would not be put down 🙈 once my darling midwife taught me how to tie the wrap sling frm the baby box, changed my life! I will never forget her for that tip! And my baby lived in that wrap until he was about 5.5 months old 😀

Yes DC1 is sleeping consistently and goes down really easily. 🙏🙏🙏

I found having number 2 blissful. Luckily they have both always been good sleepers. I fell in love with DD in a whole new light seeing her as a big sister. I have 5 years between them so she isn't about in the day which is helpful!