Having 2nd child. What you wish you'd known?

[NapTimeChill]

Sorry if this has been done before but if you're a mum to 2 DC, what advice would you give to a mum going from 1DC to 2? Or, what do you wish you'd known before you had your 2nd?

I am bracing myself it's going to be awful and really hard, but want 2 children in the long run. (Age gap will be around 3 years btw). Is there anything I've not foreseen? And are there any silver linings you don't foresee?

Not to put you off but we found the jump from 1>2 harder than the jump from 0>1. They get on really well but boy do you need eyes in the back of your head. Both very young so that is the reason

Yes this

Personally I have found the 1-2 transition pretty hard. I have a 4 year old DD and a 3 month old DS. It's early days but the baby is not a great sleeper, very hard to settle and put down, much more so than Dd who was easy by comparison. And of course when you have another child to look after you have many more demands on your time.
There are lots of joyful moments of course and I have no regrets but I maybe wasn't prepared for how little time you have for yourself anymore and what an impact another child can have on your relationship with your spouse/partner. I think you have to work much harder at making time for yourself and also at your relationship as all of sudden you really don't have any much time to spend with each other (without children).
We are finding ourselves planning ahead more so we can make sure we both get a bit of a break at some point.
On a positive note, my daughter is totally lovely with the baby, old enough to understand things and so very affectionate and caring with him. It wasn't a surprise exactly as she's very sweet natured and has always been quite easy, but of course we didn't know how she would react to such a change after 4.5 years of being an only...

However even with the challenges its all worth it - best of luck in your journey:)

That the fact that DC1 was easy going & compliant was entirely due to her personality rather than my parenting as I'd oh so smugly thought. DC2 is a stubborn, fussy creature.
That when they adore each other and play together, life is very easy. Just as you relax and start thinking how nice it is that they get on so well, one of them will randomly thwack the other or steal their toy or something.
That breastfeeding DC1 was hard. However, you will look back and realise it was actually quite easy as you were usually sat on the sofa with a box set to watch. DC2 was breastfed at the top of the soft play frame where DC1 always got stuck, at the top of a skateboard ramp, out in the snow etc
Actually doing anything with DC1 was hard. Some days, there was just no time to get dressed. Suddenly with DC2, you're up, fully dressed and out of the house as DC1 needs to be at nursery or some other activity.

You will enjoy child 2 so much! Long gone are those overwhelming first baby days. It's a wonderful time!

Mum to a 1 and 5 y/o.

One looks like me, the other like DH.

Different personalities and they reached milestones at different ages.

Its not as hard though as I thought it would be. First time round I was very anxious and also had PND. None of that this time round.
Going from 0-1 was 🤯 Going from
1-2 much easier than I anticipated.

I’m a lot more confident in my parenting and very aware of how lucky I am to have two amazing children.

How amazing it is! Yes it's hard sometimes, but watching my daughter [9] and her little brother [3] having a cuddle or play together is amazing.

That it was a lot easier than I thought- honestly I thought it would be hellish. May be it was easier because I had 3yrs 3 months between mine. My eldest was independent with the toilet, could dress herself, could take instructions well.

I would say- ensure your eldest has time in preschool and has a good sleep routine- you should be fine.

This and this. Oh, and it was a jiggle jiggle split situation here too - baby twins are still easier than the utter carnage of going from 0-1.

That watching the two of your DC grow and interact together year after year is the single best part of parenting.

My top tip would be, get your big kid as independent as possible and fix any behavioural niggles before baby arrives. We were SO glad when DD2 turned up that DD1 (then 2yr3m) was able to dress herself, fully potty trained, and happy to feed herself.

That actually the cute moments are pretty rare and most of the time they just fight and argue!

I honestly found 2 easier than 1. It's not just that you are more experienced and laid back but having just one child is quite intense and somehow harder. When number 2 was born I found it easier to walk from room to room without the feeling I had to always be there to entertain or respond to niggles. They formed a little social unit of entertainment, even though they are 4 years apart.

The 4 year age gap really helps I think. My eldest had some time out of the house at nursery every day, so she got stimulation and plenty of attention and I could spend that time cuddling my lovely little one. I really recommend that age gap.

No 2 arrived just as no1 was sleeping through consistently which helped enormously.
They love each other dearly but still argue all the time as neither will back down, despite their ages! It'll be a relief when they leave home! 😉

Dd1 is 4, Dd2 is 9 months and we're already noticing major differences so I think it's true when they say no 2 children are the same!

Try and keep some quality time back for Dc1 as they can get a little jealous at times. Also if you have a baby book to fill in for Dc2, make notes on your phone if you have to. I thought I'd have 5 mins in the evenings to record milestones etc but lo and behold, it's 9 months down the line now and I've got a pretty empty book. I've forgotten so much already, it's frightening!

I'm glad my 2 have a nice age gap though and Dd1 is really becoming such a wonderful and caring big sister. Enjoy it OP 🥰

The gap between mine is 3 years 3 weeks and i found it easier than I expected for the first year, harder the next 2 years and now they are 7 and 4 it's a little bit easier again.

I wish I'd known not to constantly compare them. I expected, subconsciously even, for DS2 to develop the same way as DS1, to hit his milestones at the same time. But everything was different.

Utilise as much childcare and help you can afford and don't feel guilty about it.

Two will test your relationship with your partner if one of you isn't pulling their weight.

After the initial chaos of a baby and a 3 year old, things settle down a bit. Then when your first starts school, your life becomes crazy busy, and time moves much quicker.

One of the best things I did was to enrol DS2 into the preschool that is attached to DS1's school. So only one drop off/pick up (I realise this isn't possible for everyone as our preschool don't take children til they are 2).

Going from 1 to 2 wasn't that bad, but going from 2 to four was a bit of a killer!

Oh also, I spent 4 nights away from DS1 and when I finally got home with baby in tow I found DS1 seemed HUGE in comparison. But remember 3 year olds are still very little and need attention too.

I wish I hadn't worried as much in advance, we found going to two so much easier than we thought. We've got 3 years between and it's a lovely age gap.

Be prepared though, the second one will test your parenting in different ways. You think you did well with sleeping/feeding/whatever with the first and you'll be an old hand, the second will likely bring you back down to earth! Like a PP said, I should not have been so smug about how well DC1 slept 🤣