Things you do when no one is looking

[Novasmum]

Sometimes I think I’m strange or childish because I do these things when no one is around but surely people do things when no ones looking either 😂

Dance in the house
Make all sorts of expressions in the mirror
Lay on the floor after a long day
Put the bread knife back in the draw because bread is ‘clean’ 😳

your turn.

When I really need the toilet and I fart I actually quite like the smell :-o

Knuckle crunch and belch at the same time.

Have fantasy conversations in my head telling people home truths

Pick my nose then feed the contents to the dog.
Join in with the birds tweeting in the garden.

This is my favourite post on this thread.

Another who puts the bread knife back even though I have ocd! I have one particular knife that's perfect for bagels and I like to keep it set aside

Sing along to cheesey ad jingles

Tell off inanimate objects when they fall I drop them with alarming frequency these days

When cooking I pretend I'm on my own Cookery show

Yep! 

Chop my veg on the angle all fancy, decant ingredients into ramekins when prepping ready to be cooked in the final dish

@Furrybutts you need a proper back scratcher I've a skeleton hand/arm one in rose gold from the works £2 I think telescopic so can position to hit exact spot needed!!

I argue with my long-dead but absolute nightmare mother in law. And win. perfect for mn love it!

🤣🤣🤣

Take my dentures out. It's like taking your bra off at the end of the day. 🤣

@Adeleskirts yours made me laugh so hard I got a bit dizzy

Give my fanny a good scratch.

One time I was walking up a lane and got an itch down below that I just had to relieve. There was no one around at all, so I scratched, then looked up to see a cyclist coming my way!

I like to scrape the earwax out of my ears with a bic pen lid, I don't dig too far!

This is the first time I have actually laughed out loud at a Mumsnet post 😂😂

@Chattycathydoll I love your post about singing the time in opera style. I may have to cultivate that.

I chat to the cat and gently squish her nose saying ''What's your nose made of?' (Grace Dent got me started on that one). Also 'where is your fluffy tummy?' and assorted other phrases. Sometimes cat looks at me as if she knows I am talking nonsense and wishes to convey that my soppy monologues are beneath her expectations for civilised conversation.

Nose picking is exquisitely satisfying when alone, as is unrestrained farting.

Unlike DS I don't eat bogeys though. I have been known to flick them though.

Well, you did ask.

Hold my boobs as I go down the stairs to stop them jiggling - no idea how this started but I do it every time now

Fart and then kinda waft it towards me with my hand to get a good whiff

Cry in front of the mirror while imagining I am in a music video - very cathartic

Tweezer my chin hairs and stray pubes

Fart. A lot.

Pick my nose.

Pick the dry skin on my feet. Especially satisfying if there's a crack in my heel.

Run my top lip down over the top of my hand,then sniff it.
Run a little commentary when I'm cooking pretending to be on the telly.
Hold my face by my ears and pull to see what bigger lips would look like.
I've hugged the odd tree in the woods!

I thought I was the only person in the world who did this (though for eczema)… Bic pen lids were made for this!

I do many of the things listed above (have to confess to not even putting the bread knife away, it just lives on the bread board), will now incorporate some things I don’t yet do (running upstairs on all fours is definitely worth a go) and think I have found a marvellous tribe/my people on this thread! 😆

Absolutely talk to myself. All the time, almost getting actual conversations out of it.

Listening to live version of Les Mis and pretend I’m Eponine or Fantine, depending on my mood. I always graciously stand for the applause at the end of said live recording.

Crouch for a wee in bushes on dog walks (can’t help it); have been caught a couple of times. Not ideal.

Walking around naked to air dry, forgetting how overweight I am for a moment. Once nearly got caught by a window cleaner!

Still copying choreography from old pop videos and sort of pretending I’m in Steps.

Noooooo you can’t do that to your dog surely … that’s awful

Crying with laughter- especially at
fondle my pubes 😂
DOWN stairs like a dog-wtf how is that even possible??
The fart outside seen by window cleaner 😂

Have a poo or wee. I'm doubly inconvenient and adult nappies don't cut it. I can't control it and end up doing it in parks and fields.

I had to do an awkward manouvere in Costa today, the underwear I was wearing just cut right in to ahem sensitive places. If I went to the toilet to readjust someone would have nabbed my seat. I don't think anyone noticed 😳

Fart into my hand and sniff it 😬

Pluck my pubes out with my fingers I know it's weird and painful but also oddly satisfying. I

Pick under my big toe nail, then smell it
I use the bit between my nose and top lip as an indicator of whether washing is dry. Also same applies if something is soft, I have to rub it on that part of my lip. No idea why

Definitely make sure you're alone! DP had arranged someone to come and collect something when I was decorating so there were no blinds up. I was dancing in the front room and she saw me through the window. She did the completely normal thing of tooting her car horn rather than ringing the doorbell, making me jump and get all embarrassed. I didn't answer the door so she finally got out of her car and rang the doorbell and then commented on my dancing!!!!

I sit with my hand inside my clothes and under my left breast quite often. Very cosy